Well, it looks like Katie might already be giving baby Suri the high hat. Katie Holmes has begun making wedding plans. From the dress to getting her body back to its slim feminine self, Katie is getting ready for the Cruise / Holmes wedding day.

Holmes has met with the owner of Buff Brides, a company that sculpts bodies for the big day. Katie hopes to work on her shoulders and back so she can look stunning in her wedding gown. A source tells TMZ that Katie’s dress is a sleek strapless A-line cut straight across at the bust, form-fitted at the waist and falls to the floor. It should be a lovely affair, I wonder who will preside over the ceremony, the spirit of L. Ron?

In a related note, Nicole Kidman has congratulated Katie on her birth to Suri but made no mention of Tom Cruise in her statement released through her publicist, “I hope both mother and baby are doing well.” Which I think translates to, “Get out while you can, Katie. Get out while you can.”

Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes have their hands full these days. Planning a wedding, beginning the path of parenting as well as the new path for Katie of brainwashing, I mean Scientology. Speaking of which, it looks like Katie did indeed ask for an epidural despite the Church of Scientology’s belief in restraining from such drugs. Holmes did, however, seem to maintain a quite atmosphere during the delivery with everyone in the room staying silent and the nurses using hand signals.

Do you train for that in medical school? I guess it would be the In Case You Ever Have to Deal with Scientologists During a Delivery nursing lesson that reviews hand signals for “We may have to perform a Caesarean!” or “Is the head really suppose to look like that?”.

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Tom Cruise’s finance & fellow Scientologist Katie Holmes gave birth to a baby girl last night. TomKat now has their little TomKitten. In a statement issued through Cruise’s publicist, the couple said that they “joyously welcomed” the new addition to their family.

The little girl’s name? No, not Orange, Apple or Moses, and sadly not L. Ron or Hubbard or even Xenu. Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes’ baby girl has been named Suri, a name the couple found in a book of baby names. The name translates to ‘Princess’ in Hebrew, ‘Red Rose’ in Farsi, ‘Pickpocket’ in Japanese (already a career in mind?) and ‘Will Soon Rule You’ in Scientology.

Tom’s publicist added, “Both mother and daughter are doing well.” Baby Suri is 7 pounds, 7 ounces and measures 20 inches long. Cruise has already appeared to be the overly protective father & assigned everyone in his staff & family different responsibilities in taking care if his little girl, kind of like the Mafia.

Cruise said soon after the birth, “I don’t think this kid’s going to be able to walk until they’re about 15! Feet aren’t going to touch the ground!” Either this is because so many of his loving staff & family members wish to hold the young girl, or that the Scientology spawn prefers to float & gravitate on this planet.

This is the first child for Holmes, 27, & the first biological warfare, I mean biological offspring, for Cruise, 43, who has an adopted daughter and son from his marriage with Nicole Kidman.

It’s a beautiful thing, the birth of a child. But I have only one question, how was the placenta, Tom?

A little Wednesday irony: It may be play dates for Grier Hammond Henchy and Suri Cruise, rather than Suri & Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie’s baby. A healthy little girl was born to Brooke Shields and husband Chris Henchy yesterday. The couple have named their child Grier which means ‘watchful & vigilant’ in Scottish Gaelic. Hmmm… that’s a little interesting, back to that shortly.

According to Access Hollywood the Cruise child & Shields child were born in the same hospital, on the same floor and both weighed in at 7 pounds and measured 20 inches in length. Hmmmmm….. Last year Cruise famously criticized Shields on the Today show for her use of antidepressants to battle postpartum depression and they have been battling it out ever since.

OK, now back to the interesting part. A red-rosed pickpocket princess is born that will one day rule the world and on the same day, weighing & measuring the same, another girl child is born that will be watchful & vigilant? Oh, come on! It’s Cruise VS Shields, or Scientology VS Reality or The End of the World VS Nirvana. How plain can it be? Wow! I feel like I’m a part of the Omen or Rosemary’s Baby or even Little Nicky.

I guess I should send little Grier frankincense & myrrh to get in good with her early and extend my gratitude that she will some day take on the Suri Cruise spawn.

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