Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes reportedly cannot agree on a location to have their child. So, it was a suitable compromise to spend $255,000 on an in-home hospital at Cruise’s Beverly Hills home. I guess it’s kind of a when-all-else-fails-buy-your-own-hospital situation, I run into those all the time.
The baby-got-birth room, as I like to call it, is stocked with a fetal monitor, ultrasound machine, intravenous pump, delivery kit (do they sell those at Walgreens?) and an infant warmer system. What about getting the raw, bloody meat ready for the Xenu child they will spawn?
Cruise has hired three Scientology medics, a midwife, a nurse and an obstetrics expert to assist Holmes. Hmmm.. let me guess, this is either all because no one is to be trusted handling little baby Xenu besides qualified Scientology “experts”, or because they don’t want us to see Katie giving birth to the basketball she’s been toting the last few weeks….. I’m going with the basketball scenario.
In a side news event, Tom Cruise has the medical experts raving and infuriated after he admitted to performing sonograms on Katie Holmes “a lot”. In the May issue of GQ Cruise admits, “I’m a filmmaker, I need to see the rushes. At first we did it a lot. I don’t know how many times, but I did not exceed FDA regulations.” What the hell is he talking about, having sex with vegetables or doing medical ultrasonography without actual qualifications?
Following Cruise’s latest revelations, the American College of Radiology perked up their ears and said, “Cruise’s claim to be qualified to perform unsupervised ultrasound exams on his fiance Katie Holmes, because he ‘read the manual’ that came with the machine is irresponsible, potentially dangerous, and may incorrectly influence others to place their unborn children at risk by performing such exams with no medical supervision.”
I’m telling you, it’s all because it’s just a damn basketball.
Let’s end with just one more Cruisism, he wants to eat Katie’s placenta: “I thought that would be good. Very nutritious. I am gonna eat the cord and the placenta right there.” Damn, what are we gonna do with that Tom?