So we were all waiting on sharp pins & needles for the mysterious Britney Spears press conference yesterday.  But it looks like we’ve all been bamboozeled, the pop star diva never showed and we are now left to guess why.

Top Ten Reasons Why Britney Spears Did Not Show Up For Thursday’s Press Conference:

• #10:  Britney was in a battle with DCFS to get baby Sean back
• #9:  Britney lost the DCFS battle & jumped over a Louisiana bridge
• #8:  Britney went back to her home planet Krypton to get away from it all
• #7:  Britney was kidnapped by Tom Cruise & is currently in isolation listening to Scientology brainwashing tapes
• #6:  Britney came to her senses, filed for divorce from Kevin Federline, hired a jet, flew to Belize, married a native & lived happily ever after
• #5:  Britney Spears is really John Stewart and she / he had a show to do last night
• #4:  Britney was eaten by K-Fed who belched afterward saying it was the best whale he ever had
• #3:  Britney moonlights as a railroad engineer & had to pull an extra shift
• #2:  Britney said screw Mary Kate, Paris Hilton & Lindsay Lohan, she wants a piece of that Stavros Niarchos ass
• #1:  Osama Bin Laden got the better of her & carried her off for booty

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