The world’s number one golfer, Tiger Woods, is the new target of animation sitcom South Park.
He has kept out of the public eye since his accident and alleged string of affairs that exploded all over the news last November. Now Tiger Woods has come out of hiding. He was spotted jogging with a friend last Wednesday near his home in Orlando, Florida. With a team of security around him, he also played a little golf before helicopters swarming over his town prompted the golfer to retreat.
photo via Cheezburger
Hell, there is no point in me trying to lead you in on this one. Here ya go…
A disgraced Tiger Woods is terrified that the worst news is yet to come – that he fathered love children with his mistresses! And his many liaisons may have been caught on tape!
The golf great had wild unprotected sex with a string of mistresses, sources tell The ENQUIRER- and now he fears claims that his out-of-control sexual proclivities may have produced children.
To make matters even worse, the 33-year-old sports star is reportedly worried that a lurid sex tape could appear and wreck his desperate attempts to cling onto the wreckage of his marriage to beauty and ex-model Elin Nordegren who has just bought a $2 million mansion in her native Sweden as a fail-safe escape house in case the marriage disintegrates.
This is where I come in and crack some subtle jokes, make you laugh and ask why I haven’t received a Pulitzer yet, but not this time. No, for once I am going to take the serious side of things and ask myself what in the hell drives the world’s richest man to do things that drop his fortune by 90% in the span of a month? There is no female part worth that much. I figured there was no reason to bang my head against the desk when I could just go to Tiger and ask him myself what the deal was.
So Tiger, after all these women show up claiming that you have had sex with them, are there anymore people you are still looking to bang?
You are ridiculous man. Find a new hobby.
This is starting to get out of hand. A report by US Magazine states that 9 women have come out to claim they have had sex with Tiger since his marriage. One being a pornstar. Since this is all turning into a joke I have decided to make a game of it myself and predict what the final tally of women will be before the December 20th deadline (that is a random deadline). I’m going with 17.
He will fall one hole short of completing the course and play will be suspended due to bad weather.
Get this, the cow pictured above is the alleged pornstar that had a relationship with Tiger Woods, her name is Holly Sampson. Although she has come out and made these claims, she has no comment on the matter according to her attorney. How that makes any sense is beyond me, I am just a simple man who wishes nothing more that for peace on Earth.
If he hadn’t crashed that car this would’ve never happened. This is why George Jetson has yet to be caught. Can’t crash a hovercroft into a fire hydrant.