Melanie Griffith’s checking into rehab (again) made the news recently but it did not really have much staying power. In the middle of this week, though, husband Antonio Banderas shed some light on his wife’s move. He says that she checked herself into rehab because she has been taking medication due to a skiing accident. She is afraid that she might not be able to deal with it properly, hence her decision. The whole family is behind her 100%. Good on them!

Forget the rumors. Fall Out Boys bassist declares without equivocation that he and wife Ashlee are happily married. News that their marriage on the rocks is absolute nonsense, he says. Good for them!

Why is it that when women gain a few pounds, a ruckus occurs? Kate Moss has been seen with a more rounded tummy and rumors abound that she is pregnant. She says, however, that it is all part of being a “woman” and that she is by no means in the family way. The good thing? She is a cup B now!

That’s how she describes herself now that she is a mommy. She cried when she had to work out to lose weight for her Campari calendar shoot. She cries whenever she sees her baby on the web cam – she’s away for the shoot. But hey, her calendar photos are worth the tears. Check them out here.

The Osbournes’ daughter is the latest celebrity to enter rehab. According to her spokesperson, “Kelly Osbourne has voluntarily entered a medical facility to address some personal issues.” Nothing more has been said except that Kelly will speak once she gets out. Good luck, girl!

Was it only last year when we heard the shocking news about the overdose of heparin that the newborn Quaid twins were given by Cedars-Sinai Medical Center staff? The two parties have settled, with the hospital accepting full responsibility and paying up $750,000. The twins are doing great.

To continue from the last Gwyneth post, Mommy Blythe officially backed up her daughter’s claims that her marriage was NOT in trouble when cornered at a natural gas garbage truck unveiling in the Big Apple.

“Oh no! They are really happily married They are together all time. The public just does not see them together. They couldn’t have a better marriage.” she exclaimed. And when asked WHY they were never seen together, Blythe’s explanation was this:

“It has to do with being so inundated…They get so inundated and it’s gotten so awful now that they can’t go out and enjoy themselves. If they were both out together they would just get so overwhelmed and not enjoy themselves. So they do it for that reason.”

Yes, ok. Whatever. Am still not quite convinced. Brangelina still manage to do it after all.

After a romantic winter wedding in Utah’s  Park City, word is that television star Katherine Heigl’s honeymoon got off to a less than smooth start, with the Grey’s Anatomy actress, forgetting her passport en route to Mexico where they were booked at a luxe resort. The absent-minded blunder (perhaps because of a post-wedding haze?), forced the couple to fly to California first, where affairs had to be sorted before they were allowed to proceed to Mexico.  The newlyweds were able to make it to Cabo eventually, and were last seen canoodeling by the poolside.

It must have been in the stars today, because in far-off Sweden, Oscar winner Liza Minnelli ( for her performance as Sally Bowles in 1972’s Cabaret) also took a tumble on stage during a show. The 61-year old collapsed in the middle of her Christmas repertoir and had to be rushed to hospital where she was then flown back to the U.S.

Poor Bobby Brown, he just needs a set of wheels.  The former R & B star was asked to appear on the TV One Reality Series, I Married a Baller.  He response, get me a car and we’ll call it a deal.  Wow.  Whitney Houston must be doing a number on the boy. 

The producer of the TV reality series that chronicles the relationships of sports stars stated, “When he asked for a car, we actually thought he meant for us to book him car service.”

“But then I was told that he actually wanted us to buy him a car!”

I think Bobby B was a little embarrassed that the word got out about his lack of wheels, and passed on doing the show.  Brown’s lawyer even made a statement saying that Bobby was just joking about the whole silly car thing.  Whatever, Bobby.  You’re not fooling anyone.  I think someone should donate a used 1978 Beetle to the poor boy, but it has to be spray-painted with “I’m Bobby Brown & I need some damn wheels” on the side.

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The season premiere of South Park was one not to be missed.  Chef is dead, maybe.  In response to its former star Isaac Hayes, who was the voice of the beloved Chef since 1997, turning his back on the show last week due to his “religious” beliefs being taunted; Chef returned to the land of South Park a pedophile. 

The show was a satire on the whole Scientology thing and those we are loosing to its unrelenting, ridiculous grasp (quick, someone grab Beck away from Rabissi and run!).  Chef had left South Park to find adventure to replace the mundane and ordinary in his life.  He returned to South Park last night from traveling the world with the “Super Adventure Club” with all inhabitants overjoyed and tickled by his return. 

However, Stan, Kyle, Kenny & Cartman sense something queer about Chef.  A quick note- Hayes did not participate in this episode, rather creators Matt Stone & Trey Parker patched together lines from previous recordings, making Chef sound a little jagged & pieced together. The boys try to get down to the bottom of his odd behavior, especially when Chef continues to state that we wants to “make sweet love” to them. 

As is turns out, instead of Chef joining the “Adventure Club”, he joined the “Super Adventure Club” who’s mission is to travel the crevices of the world and have sex with little boys.  After realizing this folly, the boys take Chef to a physiatrist (oh no, Tom!) who confirms the boys’ fears and states that their friend has been brainwashed by the adventure club.  They then proceed to take Chef to a strip club to see if they can jog his “memory” for the ladies, he does indeed regain his strong sense of heterosexuality but only after seeing a fat-stacked black woman take to the pole.

It looked like Chef was going to make it, but in the end the “Super Adventure Club” won Chef’s heart and mind back.  He was making his way across a swinging bridge to the arms of his pedophile cohorts, when the bridge collapsed and sent Chef tumbling down rock after rock and falling upon an upturned tree limb which acted as a spike through his chest. He is then shot by his fellow members, burned, stabbed & finally mauled by a lion and a grizzly bear who leave barely nothing behind.

At Chef’s funeral, Kyle addresses the attendees:

“A lot of us don’t agree with the choices Chef has made in the last few days.  Some of us feel hurt and confused that he seemed to turn his back on us.  But we can’t let the events of the past few days take away the memories of how Chef made us smile.  We shouldn’t be mad at Chef for leaving us.  We should be mad at that fruity little club for scrambling his brains.” 

In the last scene of The Return of Chef, the “Super Adventure Club” raises Chef from the dead by using the Darth Sidious approach and rebuilt the man Chef. When metal coupled with flesh in the form of cyborg implants and enhancements required to sustain him, Chef’s transformation was complete. He was no longer Chef. He was Darth Chef with a golden, glowing spatula of terror.  Will Chef one day reveal he is Cartman’s father and be saved from the dark side?  I can’t wait for the reappearance of this new turn in Chef’s character. 

What a true and hilarious send-off for Chef as well as Isaac Hayes and a smack on the face for that fruity little Scientology club for scrambling the brains of some good ones- I’m so serious, someone go nab Beck from the evil claws of his clansmen and de-brainwash the man! 

It’s good to have Matt Stone & Trey Parker up in Hollywood taking up for the sane folks. 

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Yesterday in a swirl of tabloids and blogs alike, Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes were reported to have claimed their relationship- mission impossible.  Not the Valentine’s Day you would expect for the couch-jumping, frolicking couple.  But settle down & calm yourself, there may still be hope.

Reps for Tom Cruise and finacee Katie Holmes were furiously issuing denials yesterday afternoon after Life & Style published a “malicious” story saying the famous duo had split.  The reputable tabloid touted its February 27th cover story with the headline, “SPLIT!  And Katie’s 7 Months Pregnant”.

Cruise publicist Arnold Robinson said in a statement Tuesday, “It should be known that the story is 100 percent false.  Mr. Cruise and Ms. Holmes are still engaged and are moving forward with their wedding plans, as well as planning for the arrival of their child.”  Which is likely to be a furniture hopping alien.

But should we put our fears aside?  According to the Life & Style story, Cruise & Holmes “plan to keep up the charade of a romance until after their baby’s birth in the spring.  In the meantime, the couple will live in his Beverly Hills home- though sleeping in separate bedrooms- through the summer.”  Which just happens to be right after Mission: Impossible 3 is set to hit screens.  Hmm… coincidence?The TomKat couple gained mass media attention following Cruise’s unforgettable Oprah performance where he dribbled out his love for Katie Holmes through hugging Winfrey and trampolining her furniture.  Within two months of their initial hook-up, Cruise proposed to Holmes via Eiffel Tower last June.  By October, the couple announced their pregnancy with Cruise monitoring the fetus’ progress on his own sonogram machine- just happened to have one in the back of the closet, eh?  Does anyone else think he’s growing babies in his spare time to reincarnate L. Ron Hubbard? 

Robinson went on to say, “Despite the malicious fallacies put forth by Life & Style magazine, the couple is looking forward to a long and happy life together as a family.”

Despite the heat, Life & Style have kept hold of the accuracy of their story announcing, “We stand 100 percent behind our story.” 

Well, I stand 100 percent behind TomKat, no matter if they give birth to a little L. Ron or make sweet scientologist lovin’ on The Daily Show. 

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