A renewed interest into Eddie Murphy’s indiscretions have occupied headlines this week.Â HisÂ soon-to-be ex-wife, Nicole Mitchell, filed for divorce March of last year citing “irreconcilable differences” and they are now in the thick of divorce negotiations.Â Making Eddie the most nervous and scared black man in America.Â He is terrified that his 1997 transvestite prostitute encounter might breach their prenuptial agreement.Â
You know let’s go back to the reasons why for a minute.Â When is it not “irreconcilable differences”?Â Why can’t we get a little “Man likes the transvestite dick” going for us?Â Just a little honesty in the divorce proceedings would make it so much more interesting.Â For instance Jessica Simpson could state, “Nick has no dick.Â He sleeps with pretty dolls and has no balls.Â He wears silkyÂ pink bows, isn’tÂ interested in hoes.”Â Who else knew that Dr. Seuss’s birthday was yesterday?Â
So with Eddie’s erotic fetishes back in the news, I think it’s high time we revisit the Atisone Kenneth Seiuli era.Â
In the early hours of May 2, 1997, Murphy was driving his wife’s SUV down Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood, an area known for homosexual prostitutes. Murphy pulled over, and a transvestite hooker named Atisone Kenneth Seiuli (“call me Shalomar”) got in. They drove off together, but didn’t get far before there was a burst of siren, and Murphy was pulled over by a Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department squad car.Â
Was there an order for two pairs ofÂ handcuffs?Â No, the cops were star-struck. They spent half an hour talking amiably with Murphy, warning him about the neighborhood and perhaps getting his autograph before shaking his hand and letting him go. Seiuli, though, was arrested on an outstanding warrant for violating probation on an earlier prostitution charge.
And as quick as Seiuli could post bail, the story was in the tabloids and on Entertainment Tonight. According to Seiuli, in their brief conversation in the vehicle, Murphy had put two hundred-dollar bills on her leg, and “asked me if I did this for a living, being a transsexual prostitute. I said yes.
“Eddie said, ‘Do you like to wear lingerie?’ I said yes. He said, ‘Can I see you in lingerie?’ I told him, ‘Whenever I have the time.’ He said, ‘I’ll make the time.’ “Then he asked me, ‘What type of sex do you like?’ I said I was into everything.” Or at least, that was Seiuli’s story.
Murphy’s version was, not surprisingly, not the same. “I’m married with three children. I’m not going to be out there screwing hookers off the street or anything like that. I’m just being a nice guy… I was being a good Samaritan. It’s not the first hooker I’ve helped out. I’ve seen hookers on corners… and I’ll pull over… and they’ll go, ‘Oh you’re Eddie Murphy, oh my God,’ and I’ll empty my wallet out to help.”
The next weekend, Saturday Night Live aired a sketch titled, “Good Samaritan Eddie Murphy,” with Tim MeadowsÂ as Murphy, transporting transsexuals throughout metropolitan Los Angeles, out of the goodness of his heart.Â I wish I could have been there for that one.Â
Now that we’re back up-to-date, let’s see Nicole Mitchell’s reaction last monthÂ regarding the Atisone Kenneth Seiuli era, “He told me there was this person on the corner crying, so he stopped to help.Â But I’m thinking, ‘Well, why the hell did you let them get into the car?'”Â
Good samaritan Eddie.Â Hmmm…Â Do you remember the livid statements by Spike Lee saying that Eddie never helped break black actors into the Hollywood scene?Â Hmmm…Â Makes you think that that kind of guy wouldn’t really get beyond himself just to help a hooker out.Â But that’s just me.Â The streets are safe for hookers as long as Good Samaritan Eddie trolls the night.Â