Performancing Metrics


Paris Hilton & Tinkerbell Spotted Shopping in Malibu



Hmmm, what to say about this Paris Hilton / Tinkerbell picture?  The hat?  The fact that Paris looks like she trying to pick up a rat?  Or the fact that it’s so surprising that Paris doesn’t have a porn career?  No, wait- I guess she does have one of those!

Paris Hilton & longtime pal Tinkerbell joined up for a Malibu shopping spree Thursday.  The two looked quite content with each other & glad to be out on the town. 

t-r-knight-greys-anatomy-gay-10-20-2006.jpgGrey’s Anatomy star T.R. Knight confirms the rumors & says that he is, in fact, gay.  But hopes the folks at home don’t consider that “the most interesting part of me.”   Well, done, T.R., well done.

33-year-old Knight addressed the sexuality issue Thursday amid many a rumor regarding that part of his personal life.  Here is T. R. now. 

“I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I’d like to quiet any unnecessary rumors that may be out there.”

“While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I’m gay isn’t the most interesting part of me.”

T.R. plays Dr. George O’Malley on the ABC hospital drama Grey’s Anatomy and his other screen credits include CSI & Law & Order.




36-year-old Claudia Schiffer says that models are too thin & are no longer attractive.  Now, isn’t that a little like the pot calling the kettle black?

“It doesn’t really look good any more,” Schiffer recently stated.
“Fashion looks good on thin models, but when you look at today’s models you can not help but think there is something wrong. They are way too thin. It is only bones that stick out.”
“Models have always been thin. But today, they are even thinner, which is unbelievable.” the model goes on to say.”

“Ever since I started having children, I can eat whatever I want. I eat chocolate almost every day and drink whole milk so that I don’t lose any more (weight).”
“When media started writing that I looked too thin and ill, I went to the doctor. He said I was healthy,” she said. “I didn’t gain weight after the pregnancies. I hope it stays like that.”

I’m all about Claudia coming clean on this unhealthy wave of modeling, but I have to say that Schiffer, who weighs in at 125 pounds & is a staggering 5’11”, may need to consult the recommended weight guideline for her height & age- which is 140 pounds if you’re interested.

Well, Claudia Schiffer still looks beautiful no matter how much her clavicle sticks out.


Anna Nicole Smith’s Son Daniel Buried Thurday in Bahamas


Anna Nicole Smith buried her 20-year-old son Daniel Wayne Thursday in the Bahamas.  Daniel died September 10 after a lethal combination of methadone, Zoloft & Lexapro.  He was visiting his mom & newborn sister Dannielynn in the hospital we he passed away. 

A private memorial service was held for the young man with about 25 guests in attendance and was reportedly held at Lake View cemetery.  Daniel was buried in his favorite type clothes- a trucker cap, t-shirt & blue jeans.
Sources indicate that Anna Nicole was wearing a black dress & veil made specifically for the occasion by Beverly Hills couture designer friend Pol Atteu, the same pal who made Anna’s wedding dress for her last minute semi-wedding to lawyer Howard K. Stern.

There are so many things wrong with this, I cannot begin.

May Daniel rest in peace is all I can say.



tom-cruise-katie-holmes-dress-wedding-armani-10-19-2006.jpgWell, I’ve been trying to sit on this hot topic until something solid came out, and it looks like we have just that.  It’s official, Katie Holmes will show up for her wedding in Armani.

The one & only Giorgio Armani was asked to design Katie Holmes’ wedding dress for her wedding to Tom Cruise.

Director of Public Relations for Armani, Rod Manley, stated, “I can confirm that Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes have asked Giorgio Armani to design their official wedding attire for their upcoming marriage.”

Manley added that Armani photographers will be at the scene taking pictures, along with photographers hired by Cruise, Scientologists no doubt.

The couple seem to be falling in love with Italy hard core.  As reported earlier, Holmes & Cruise changed their ceremony locating recently to an undisclosed location in Italy that’s expected to take place at some point in November.  Damn, Armani better start getting busy with that kind of date around the corner!

“You feel really beautiful in [Armani's clothes],” Holmes once said of the designer.

“Since he knows everything that flatters a woman’s body, you can’t help looking tasteful and sophisticated in them.”
Well, I imagine that whatever Armani decides to go with, it will look radiant on Katie.  Looking forward to the pictures.  Will keep you up-to-date on an more TomKat wedding news.






Well, well, well, what do we have here?  Katie Holmes spotted at legendary Beverly Hills jeweler David Orgell’s shop on Wednesday?

Hmmm, what on earth could we be getting there, little Miss Katie?  Could it be a lovely, new wedding band for husband-to-be Tom Cruise, hmmmm?  Or maybe just indulging in a nice gift for yourself on hump day?  I’m going with the former, with all these wedding rumors, the girl better get planning!

Victoria Posh Beckham Takes a Bite Out of Paris as SpaceZilla


Victoria “Posh” Beckham is seen taking a big bite out of fashion capital Paris.  Why is Posh doing such a thing?

Why, it’s for the November issue of Harper’s Bazaar magazine.  Victoria looks like SpaceZilla- a lonely, fashion-savvy woman from another planet that hates our fashion here on Earth & will be dammed if she lets it go on.  So she takes a large bite out of Paris & eats everyone including Tommy Hilfiger.  I like it.

In the November issue of Bazaar, Posh will be talking about her up & coming new line, DVB, which is set to debut in January 2007.  Here’s hoping I won’t be forced to wear what she’s wearing her.  That silly SpaceZilla, what will she think of next?


The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:   Paris Hilton’s tendency to ruin, well, just about everything

Bastardly:   Christina Applegate is not ready to be called a has-been

Perez Hilton:   Brooke Hogan thinks a lot of herself

I’m Not Obsessed:  O.J. Simpson confesses, hypothetically

Gossip or Truth:   Christina Aguilera comes out of the proverbial closet

Yeeeah:   Kirsten Dunst does stand-up, and badly

Glitterati Gossip:   Wanna get married on MTV???  Now’s your chance.

Hollywood Tuna:  Lindsay Lohan wants an Oscar, and now dammit!

Tommy Hilfiger Paris Store Opening Pictures





Tommy Hilfiger is so, umm, gay?  The well-known designer celebrates the Tommy Hilfiger Paris store opening Thursday. 

Tommy was enthusiastically greeted by an unknown guest, Lindsay Lohan & Dee as they were ringing in the new Parisian store will glee.  Well, at least Hilfiger isn’t punching anyone….



Jeffrey Sebelia Wins ‘Project Runway’


Jeffrey Sebelia was the designer Project Runway watchers loved to hate.  With his hard, abrasive mannerisms & cheeky comments, he was not the favorite celebrity on Bravo’s reality TV show. 

But it looks like the ugly ducking has taken the crown as Sebelia claimed ultimate victory in the fashion finale Wednesday night.

The crowned designer stated, “I’m shocked.”

“My brain is trying to figure out exactly what’s happening.”

36-year-old Jeffery took the title after he, Laura Bennett, Uli Herzner and Michael Knight did their presentations during New York Fashion Week.  The show was taped in September, which is such a drag, but the presentations were fabulous.

Sebelia highly impressed Heidi Klum and judges Michael Kors, Nina Garcia & Fern Mallis with his funky style on the runway.

“We love what you did,” Klum stated.

“You have great style. You’re a great designer and we want to see more of you.”

What did Jeffery say on winning $100,000 to help launch a fashion line?

“Intense happiness. Intense fear. Intense passion.”

“The volume on everything has been turned up all the way.”

We are really looking forward to what Jeffrey Sebelia dishes out in the future.

What do you think, did you want Michael Knight to win over Sebelia?


madonna-david-banda-adoption-father-speaks-out-10-19-2006.jpgFather of adopted Malawian boy Yohane Banda made a statement of praise for Madonna Wednesday, I’m sure after the $2 million bribe.

On Tuesday statements were released from Banda that were not exactly positive regarding the queen of pop and later that day at Madoption headquarters Madonna issued her own statement regarding her adoption of 1-year-old David Banda. It’s been a war a war of statements, of sorts.  Poor baby David, hopefully he won’t end up like Elian. 

But today Yohane has nothing but love for Madge saying, “Where were these people when David was struggling in the orphanage? These so-called human rights groups should leave my baby alone,” he said. “As father I have OKed this, I have no problem. The village has no problem. Who are they to cause trouble? Please let them stop.”

So, what do you think of the Madoption?


The Many Looks of Jessica Simpson, Which One is Best?



Screech Sex Tape: Dustin Diamond Finally Speaks

dustin-diamond-porn-sex-tape-10-19-2006.jpgAll throughout this Screech sex tape business, I’ve been thinking- you know, Dustin Diamond isn’t such a bad porn name.  Until now, Saved By the Bell’s Screech hasn’t said much about his sex tape that’s soon to be released.

But it looks like the Diamond (in the rough?) is finally ready to come clean.  Despite his somewhat not-so-profitable stand-up career, Dustin states that he was not looking for a second career in doing the private porn.

“I’m not an adult actor,” Screech stated.

“I did something stupid in private.”  No, more something kinda gross, rather than stupid, in private.

Apparently Dustin met the women that were in the tape (yep, that was women- plural) while on the road doing his stand-up.  
“It was a bachelorette party and the bride-to-be and one of her bridesmaids were staying at one of the local hotels and they invited me back to come back and party,” Screech explains.

But it looks like Screech’s private sexual moments will now be the public’s I-wanna-barf moments.  29-year-old Diamond, who is married to his 30-year-old manager Jennifer Misner, said that he & some friends made sex tapes as a joke- I didn’t realize sex tapes were on the comedy platform.  But someone allegedly leaked that Screech had made a porno with the wedding party & the rest is history.

“I thought, I can spend a fortune fighting this or I can try to make a fortune,” Diamond reveals. 

“Let’s just say, if I were a small man, it would be worse.”  Ewww, mental image, mental image, burned into my brain- agggghhhhhh!

According to Dustin, he & Misner had just crossed the line between manager & lover when the news of the tape was leaked. 

“She wasn’t happy at all,” Screech stated.

“We were just dating. It was the very beginning, you know? There’s a difference between being committed and just — I mean, at that point, if she had pulled any kind of power trip, I would’ve said, ‘Uh oh, psycho!’ and I never would’ve called her again.”

So, does the ‘big man’ still keep in touch with his wedding party sex pals?

“No, I am always on the road and they are all out in California. People just won’t let the Saved by the Bell stuff go!”

No, they don’t Screech, no they don’t.

So, what do you think?  Gonna try & sneak a peek at Big Man Diamond?


Justin Timberlake Announces Tour, Pink Coming Along


Justin Timberlake is taking FutureSex/LoveSounds album on the road and is launching a North American tour that will kick off January 8 in San Diego.

Who’s coming with, you ask?  Well, it looks like Justin is adding a little Pink to his diet!  I know you’re excited.  Justin Timberlake alongside Pink, should work out pretty good for them.  The 34-date tour will wrap up March 29 in East Rutherford, New Jersey, so get a move on & start planning.

“I’ve been rehearsing the band, getting the show ready and tight,” Timberlake stated.

“What—and I might even show up. So that’s pretty exciting. No, seriously, come out. I’ll see you guys there.” 

And we’ll see you there, Justin.  So, who’s going?



As reported in quite length earlier, Heather Mills made some startling allegations regarding estranged husband Paul McCartney.  Mills has alleged that McCartney was physically & emotionally abusive, used drugs, tried to strangle her and was basically a big, huge meanie-pants.

Paul has come out with a statement regarding these allegations, and to be honest it’s a little on the weak side. 

McCartney’s reps stated “Our client would very much like to respond in public and in detail to the allegations made recently against him by his wife and published in the press but he recognizes, on advice, that the only correct forum for his response to the allegations made against him is in the current divorce proceedings.”

Will Paul take this slander lying down?  Reps went on to state, “Our client will be defending these allegations vigorously and appropriately.”  So, no, apparently Paul is ready for a fight.

So, either Heather is an evil bitch, Paul is a huge asshole, or a little of both.  What do you think?


Leonardo DiCaprio Launches ‘E-Topia’ Reality TV Show


Leonardo DiCaprio is hoping to win the viewing public with a new reality TV show that’s in the works.  The big screen star is helping to develop an eco-friendly show that will focus on the environment & planning for the future.

E-Topia will chronicle a group of individuals in a reconstructed U.S. town that will be transformed into a green community.  The show will focus on the demands of living green & show how the planners of the town as well as the architects work together.

Leonardo DiCaprio will act as co-creator & executive producer, with possibly a cameo or two.

Executive producer Craig Pillgian stated, “We’re going to take a devastated community and help transform it as a prototype for the future.  We’re trying to show the county and the world by example, town by town by town, how we can change the way we live and fight global warming.”

Sounds interesting, although I’m not seeing high ratings for this show- sadly.



‘Dancing with the Stars’ Sara Evans Talks About Divorce

sara-evans-divorce-update-10-18-2006.jpgAs posted earlier, Dancing with the Stars ex-contestant & country singer Sara Evans recently announced that she was filing for divorce from her husband of 13 years, Craig Schelske.  After making the statement that she was leaving the dancing show, Evans turned her attention to her family.

Apparently just hours before Evans was to perform on ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, Evans learned about some racy allegations regarding 43-year-old Schelske.  I suspect that Evans learned about those 100 photographs that Craig took of himself naked (for some off reason) and perhaps that Craig’s list anal sex add.

“It’s a blur,” Evans stated regarding the recent events.

“The good thing is that I’m so used to performing, as you know, that as an entertainer, we just have the ability to just try to flip the switch, turn it on, do the dance and make it through the day.”

Evans had considered divorce earlier this year and even begun filing paperwork, but she was trying to take it slow, thinking about her children.

Sara revealed, “It was always my intention to try to take things slowly.  My intention was to try everything that was in my power [to save the marriage].”

“It’s very personal and very traumatic and very hard for my children.  Things drastically went downhill at 100 miles an hour.”

We wish both parties luck & more love in the future.



The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:  Wesley Snipes is on the run, possibly a smart move

Bastardly:   Bai Ling is too hot to wear clothes

Perez Hilton:  Martha Stewart with no gravity, scary or makes sense? 

I’m Not Obsessed:  Salma Hayek at Redbook Awards

Gossip or Truth:  K-Fed still sucks, big time

Yeeeah:   Rod Stewart wants to do Paris Hilton

Glitterati Gossip:   Remember Gene Simmons?  Of course you do.

Hollywood Tuna:   Are Petra & James done?  Meaning, is James finished paying her to hang out with him?


Chris Rock’s mother Rose had an unfortunate time at a Cracker Barrel restaurant along the South Carolina coast.  Rose was seated at the Southern restaurant, but ignored for more than half an hour before she was even attended to by a waiter. 

Rock says she intends to sue the Lebanon, Tennessee-based company, while a Cracker Barrel spokeswoman said the restaurant chain was researching the complaint & taking it all “very seriously.”

In the past the Cracker has faced several lawsuits over complaints of refusing to serve black customers, being discriminatory against minority workers and showing gay employees to the door (with a swift kick).

Rose was with her 21-year-old daughter when the incident occurred, she stated that when she asked the manager about the delay in service, he only said they could have their meals on the house.

Rock says, “He never called over the waitresses and asked, `Why did these people sit here for an hour without service?”

“The only thing he said was we could have a free meal and neither of us wanted to eat.”

The Reverend Al Sharpton (you knew he’d been in here someplace) will join Rock today in South Carolina to announce that Sharpton’s Action Network will be financing the discrimination lawsuit.

I’m getting reports from all over the country about Cracker Barrel,” Sharpton said Tuesday.

“When people are talking about there is no more discrimination, a lot of it is because they are not following this stuff up,” Sharpton said.

Well, it looks like Rose has a good case & we wish her luck in her pursuit.


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