Performancing Metrics


The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:  Madonna on Oprah video

Bastardly:   Boobies or the armpit?  Boobies or the armpit?  I just cant deicde!

Perez Hilton:   Crazies Tom Cruise & Katie Holmes spotting

I’m Not Obsessed:  Jessica Simpson plays promoter

Gossip or Truth:   Borat’s UK premiere video

Yeeeah:   Ashlee & Jessica Simpson do the Brits

Glitterati Gossip:  What is Chloe wearing?

Hollywood Tuna:   Avril drunk & showing off those panties, I know you wanna check it out


Lindsay Lohan Halloween Costume or Normal Wear?




So, umm, is this a Halloween costume for the teen queen Lindsay Lohan?  Or is this another one of those crazy outfits the actress is trying to get by with.

I’ll tell you, I just can’t tell anymore.  Until Lindsay shows up in a wolf mask with blood on its mouth, then I’ll say that’s a Halloween costume- and even then I might have to stop & think for a minute.  What do you think?

Brad Pitt Seeks Trespassing Charges Against E! Networks

brad-pitt-e-network-10-29-20063.jpgIt looks like it’s more battling for the Bragelina camp.  Brad Pitt is apparently seeking trespassing charges against E! Networks after a producer & cameraman walked onto Pitt’s property without permission.

Reps for the Pittster stated, “Yes, we have filed trespassing charges against E! and are exploring our legal options against both the crew that actually trespassed and the network itself.”

The alleged trespassing took place last week at Brad’s Hollywood Hills home.  I think Pitt should just go Deliverance on that trespass ass and take ‘em down without asking questions first.

The incident is still under investigation according to a Los Angeles police spokesperson, meanwhile E! says they are living clean.  The cable network does not admit to any wrongdoing, simply stating, “E! Networks is investigating allegations that a producer and cameraman who were filming locations for a program about Brad Pitt went onto property last week that is reportedly owned by Mr. Pitt.”

“E! Networks did not instruct or authorize anyone working on its program to improperly intrude onto private property, and the individuals involved have been terminated. While neither Mr. Pitt nor his family were at the property when the incident took place, the network in no way condones or encourages such behavior and would like to offer its most sincere apologies to Mr. Pitt and his family.”

I think they forgot part of their statement, “E! Networks also did not intentionally take nude pictures of Angelina & Brad as they were showing the washing machine how to really shake it and E! Networks in no way intends to use these hot pictures to the benefit of E! Networks.”

If only that were true.  Well, we do have a Pam & Tommy video, a damn Dustin “Screech” Diamond sex tape, along with probably millions of Paris Hilton porn videos, why not a Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie video?  Do you know how much they could donate to Africa with that kind of sex appeal?





The TV show phenom Days of Our Lives just got better, and you didn’t think that could happen, did you?

Clay Aiken is set to play himself on the NBC daytime drama and will be performing a song from his new album for a private concert for Steve (Stephen Nichols) & Kayla (Mary Beth Evans) in local club Dune.  Aiken will sing “Everything I Have” from his recently released album A Thousand Different Ways.

The Days of Our Lives episode will begin taping November 14 and will air December 22, so you’ll get to have Christmas a little early this year- a Claymas if you will.


Who Wears Pucci Better Lindsay, Sienna or Nicky?



How embarrassing! Teen queen Lindsay Lohan was snapped in her Pucci dress out on the town in London with boots and not one, but two bags.

While Sienna Miller donned the same Pucci while at the same designer’s show with tights & mary janes.

Better yet, hotel heiress Nicky Hilton took to the red carpet in the popular Pucci dress while in Los Angeles in September.

My question, who wears Pucci better?


Axl Rose Spotted on South Beach Pictures




Axl Rose was spotted on the shores of South Beach Thursday.  I’m not sure why we still care about the Guns ‘N Roses ex-frontman, but here he is all the same.

Well, that must give Axl some props to still have paparazzi following his skinny, white ass.

Brooke Hogan Celebrates ‘Undiscovered’ Album Release




Brooke Hogan celebrated her Undiscovered album release with her father Hulk & none other than Dennis Rodman.

The release party took place Tuesday at the Marquee in New York City where everyone was listening to the grating silence as no one was buying her damn album. 

Ashlee Simpson Sells Out to Sketchers Shoe Campaign

ashlee-simpson-sketchers-campaign-10-25-2006.jpg22-year-old Ashlee Simpson has been a busy girl this year.  First the plastic surgery make-over, then Chicago, now the singer/sometime actress is launching a Sketchers shoes campaign.  Where oh where does the girl find the time?

Ashlee was spotted at the scene of her selling out crime in London today as she launched the Ashlee Simpson Sketchers line.  How exciting.  Now all she needs is her own perfume.  Wait, doesn’t she already have that?



Paris Hilton Says Sorry for Drunk Driving


Paris Hilton, who was arrested for drunk driving September 7, does a little I’m Sorry in the December issue of Seventeen magazine.

“All it takes is one drink to mess with the way you drive – it clouds your judgment and slows your reflexes. Don’t take any chances. It just isn’t worth it,” Hilton states.

The hotel heiress also reveals to the teen magazine that, holy crap!, she has yet to reach her sexual peak.  Watch out, world, a hormone-raging Paris will be out on the streets in just a few short years.

25-year-old Paris stated, “I think you like [sex] when you’re, like, in your thirties.”

Wow.  She is so intuitive.



George Clooney Spotted in Italy




Infamous lover George Clooney was spotted revving it up in Lake Como, Italy this weekend.

The director/actorsown a villa in the area and likes to take it on the road. 

What do you think, is George Clooney a hot biker boy?

Madoption News: Madonna Adoption Update

madonna-adoption-news-10-23-2006.jpgWell, we’ve heard statements from just about everyone regarding Madonna’s adoption of 1-year-old Malawian toddler David Banda.  First David’s father Yohane Banda made negative comments regarding the queen of pop, then Madonna came out with her own statement, then Yohane made a statement supporting the material girl, and now Yohane is back stating that he never knew that adoption was for keeps.

The 32-year-old Banda stated, “Our understanding was that they [Madonna and & her husband Guy Ritchie] would educate and take care of our son just as they were doing at the orphanage.”

“If we were told that she wants to take the baby as her own we could we could not have consented because I see no reason why I should give away my son,” Banda stated.

“Mr. Kilembe (Director for Child Welfare) and the pastor explained to me that Madonna would take care of my son; I am just realizing now the meaning of adoption,” Yohane said.

“We are still thankful Madonna has rescued him from poverty and disease: we pray for the good Lord to keep blessing her for her benevolence,” says Banda.

Poor Madonna, all she wanted to do is adopted a baby…


Project Runway- Are You Happy with Winner Jeffrey Sebelia?




As we reported Thursday, Jeffrey Sebelia was the winner of Bravo’s third season of Project Runway.

Although Sebelia’s designs were incredible & funky, many fans of the show are disappointed that he walked away with the designer crown.

What do you think, who would you have wanted to triumph?

Michael Knight (fan favorite), Jeffrey Sebelia, Uli Herzner or Laura Bennett?  

Thanks to Us Weekly for the pic.

Sean ‘Diddy’ Combs Performs on NBC Today Show Friday


Sean “Diddy” Combs, pictured here with fans outside NBC studios in Rockefeller Plaza, performed for The Today Show Friday much to the excitement of his fans.

The NYC broadcast was just as exciting as Combs’, minus you could see him like 100 times better.  Sean showed up for the performance in a very sheek vest, tie & pants number, all in refined gray color.

We are so happy to see Sean’s career going so well.

The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:   Heather Mills gets schooled by guy who introduced her & Paul McCartney 

Bastardly:  Elizabeth Hurley signs on to Estee Lauder’s Pink Ribbon campaign

Perez Hilton:   Jermaine quits work because of Janet Jackson

I’m Not Obsessed:  Go ahead & ask John Legend a question, I know you want to

Gossip or Truth:   How Jessica Simpson left Nick Lachey

Yeeeah:   Britney Spears’ diet strategy secrets

Glitterati Gossip:   Dog food is delicious?  Celebs are so fruity

Hollywood Tuna:  Paris Hilton & all her damn animals



Snoop Dogg celebrated his 35th birthday with a surprise party at ML Hollywood Friday.

The veteran rapper looks like he is having a blast, and then some with his ginormous birthday cake as well as with Lil’ Jon at the L.A. party.

Happy Birthday to the Snoop, may he have many more to come!


Paris Hilton & Tinkerbell Spotted Shopping in Malibu



Hmmm, what to say about this Paris Hilton / Tinkerbell picture?  The hat?  The fact that Paris looks like she trying to pick up a rat?  Or the fact that it’s so surprising that Paris doesn’t have a porn career?  No, wait- I guess she does have one of those!

Paris Hilton & longtime pal Tinkerbell joined up for a Malibu shopping spree Thursday.  The two looked quite content with each other & glad to be out on the town. 

t-r-knight-greys-anatomy-gay-10-20-2006.jpgGrey’s Anatomy star T.R. Knight confirms the rumors & says that he is, in fact, gay.  But hopes the folks at home don’t consider that “the most interesting part of me.”   Well, done, T.R., well done.

33-year-old Knight addressed the sexuality issue Thursday amid many a rumor regarding that part of his personal life.  Here is T. R. now. 

“I guess there have been a few questions about my sexuality, and I’d like to quiet any unnecessary rumors that may be out there.”

“While I prefer to keep my personal life private, I hope the fact that I’m gay isn’t the most interesting part of me.”

T.R. plays Dr. George O’Malley on the ABC hospital drama Grey’s Anatomy and his other screen credits include CSI & Law & Order.




36-year-old Claudia Schiffer says that models are too thin & are no longer attractive.  Now, isn’t that a little like the pot calling the kettle black?

“It doesn’t really look good any more,” Schiffer recently stated.
“Fashion looks good on thin models, but when you look at today’s models you can not help but think there is something wrong. They are way too thin. It is only bones that stick out.”
“Models have always been thin. But today, they are even thinner, which is unbelievable.” the model goes on to say.”

“Ever since I started having children, I can eat whatever I want. I eat chocolate almost every day and drink whole milk so that I don’t lose any more (weight).”
“When media started writing that I looked too thin and ill, I went to the doctor. He said I was healthy,” she said. “I didn’t gain weight after the pregnancies. I hope it stays like that.”

I’m all about Claudia coming clean on this unhealthy wave of modeling, but I have to say that Schiffer, who weighs in at 125 pounds & is a staggering 5’11″, may need to consult the recommended weight guideline for her height & age- which is 140 pounds if you’re interested.

Well, Claudia Schiffer still looks beautiful no matter how much her clavicle sticks out.


Anna Nicole Smith’s Son Daniel Buried Thurday in Bahamas


Anna Nicole Smith buried her 20-year-old son Daniel Wayne Thursday in the Bahamas.  Daniel died September 10 after a lethal combination of methadone, Zoloft & Lexapro.  He was visiting his mom & newborn sister Dannielynn in the hospital we he passed away. 

A private memorial service was held for the young man with about 25 guests in attendance and was reportedly held at Lake View cemetery.  Daniel was buried in his favorite type clothes- a trucker cap, t-shirt & blue jeans.
Sources indicate that Anna Nicole was wearing a black dress & veil made specifically for the occasion by Beverly Hills couture designer friend Pol Atteu, the same pal who made Anna’s wedding dress for her last minute semi-wedding to lawyer Howard K. Stern.

There are so many things wrong with this, I cannot begin.

May Daniel rest in peace is all I can say.



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