I was walking down the street yesterday when I encountered this beauty and I had to find out who she was. Since I didn’t know her name I plugged myself into the Matrix and used the facial recognition search engine and discovered that it was Shiri Appleby. Before I started to write her a personal love letter I needed to find out more about her so I visited her IMDB page and discovered that her resume reads like a list of every show/movie you have never heard of before. I was baffled because such beauty deserves to be in front of a larger audience.
I quickly practiced my jiu-jitsu against Morpheus, broke up with Trinity and increased the size of my muscles so I would be prepared for the epic showdown against the evil Hollywood execs that are looking to hold my dear Shiri back.
They fired bullets at me and I didn’t dodge them because that is completely unrealistic. Instead, I was patient with them and talked to them to try and understand their frustration of life and why they had any hostility towards me. After 30 minutes of talking they finally understood that I wasn’t the enemy, but the guns that were shooting them out into the real world unprepared were. They quickly turned around and started to beat on their oppressors.
Once the execs saw the powers that I possessed they quickly agreed to make Shiri the star of the next Judd Apatow flick and cast her as Wonder Woman, The Nude Era.
This all is true.