Angelina Jolina narrowly escaped a serious “wardrobe malfunction”  at the premiere of
Beowulf when her skin-tight black leather pants started to split at the seams near the hem. Brad Pitt saved the day by hiding the rip with his palm, and holding it up while the actress continued to smile — as poised as ever — at photographers.

Then the poor woman stepped into a wad of gum. Ah, some days,  nothing goes right.

What’s up with the universe?  First Ellen Degeneres breaks down over an adopted pet that was seized from her possession because she gave it away to her friend. Now Oprah’s distraught, apologizing to the students of her school, who have filed complaints of sexual harassment and other abuse against administrators.

Good intentions, bad results, and a lot of public self-flagellation. We feel for you ladies, but as Dr. Phil would say, get a grip on that Messiah complex, give yourself a break, and leave the dramatics to Britney Spears.

Sunday night more than 70,000 people gathered at London’s Wembley Stadium for a concert memorial for Princess Diana.  The event was organized by her sons Princes William & Harry, to celebrate the life of their mother who would have been celebrating her 46th birthday last night.

Elton John opened the show & closed the show, as Elton was a close friend of the princess.  Even Diddy performed & said at one point, “Ten years ago Princess Diana, she went to a better place, and today we celebrate her rebirth.  I love you Diana, we miss you.”

Wow.  Who knew Diddy was such a sweetie about Princess Diana?

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Well, it was no Jackson or McCartney performance. The Super Bowl XL halftime show was full of yawns and rooster-like prancing, completely devoid of any arousing material- unless you got a good look at Mick Jagger’s six-pack.  The Rolling Stones delighted and disgusted football fans alike with their halftime show performance.

First of all, let’s just get it out of the way- the choreographer, or lack thereof, for the Stones needs to get back to the drawing board.  Who put their stamp of approval on Jagger’s dancing style so many years ago?  We have had to live with the consequences of that action too long now.  Please, retract, retract!

In case you haven’t heard the latest buzz, the geriatric quartet stirred up a bit of a fuss with their racy performance.  Thanks to the network’s five-second broadcast delay however, the American public was protected from the rampant moral decadence pervading the performance.  The lyrics omitted were from the songs Start Me Up in which a woman’s erotic power over an expired gentleman was referred to and from Rough Justice that included a reference to something similar to a male chicken. 

Apparently during pre-approval of the halftime show, the Rolling Stones had agreed to ditch these lyrics.  I suppose it was all too Ed Sullivan for the hard and seasoned rockers.

And now some words from NFL Commissioner Paul Tagliabue regarding the Super Bowl halftime show:  

“We were extremely disappointed by the … halftime show. It was totally inconsistent with assurances our office was given about the content of the show.

“The show was offensive, inappropriate and embarrassing to us and our fans. We will change our policy, our people and our processes for managing the halftime entertainment in the future in order to deal far more effectively with the quality of this aspect of the Super Bowl.”

Oh wait, that was Tagliabue’s quote from Super Bowl 2004 in which Janet Jackson showed us her softer side.  But it seems to apply to all halftime shows these days, don’t you think?  Why I even think Tagliabue’s secretary, I mean administrative assistant, should have this very quote emblazoned on his letterhead & business cards to avoid having press conferences every year!

If you ask me, this years’ Super Bowl halftime show was offensive, inappropriate and embarrassing, we invited night of the living dead to perform.  If making it through drug overdoses and rehabilitation and booze and too many wives to count and being a part of the coming and going of bellbottoms gives you the eternal key to stardom, I need to sign up.  If prancing and dancing around like a reckless and mildly retarded rooster gives you millions of dedicated fans, I’m interested.  If you can make bank by just being able to stand up with your guitar at the age of 60, count me in.  I guess I’ll have to leave all that up to the Rolling Stones. I can’t get no satisfaction.