Paris Hilton and Benji Madden (who happens to be the twin of Nicole Ritchie’s boy) are seriously dating.

How long this will last, nobody knows, but the two have been seen getting hot-and-heavy at Hollywood’s trendiest bars. Paris even had lunch with his mom. Ooooh, so she’s meeting the folks now, huh? (He did include her in a “family photo” on his website).

Of course, this is Paris Hilton, so don’t hold your breath to see another 20 carat engagement ring.

Oh, Paris, Paris, Paris- you were raised in a very lovely barn, weren’t you?  Paris Hilton loves ruining other people’s evenings.  When Janet Jackson left her own birthday / release party when Paris tried to steal her spotlight after giving a terrible, extemporaneous ”performance”, I’m sure that’s one Jackson that is though with Hiltons for good. 

And you remember those pictures from the Las Vegas Jay-Z show, right?  Well, according to singer Joshua Radin, Paris kept checking her appearance & puking when she could as the rapper was doing his own performance just a few feet away. 

“The partying heiress was performing in Las Vegas, when she “pukedâ€� on stage, according to crooner Joshua Radin.

Radin was visiting Vegas with the cast of “Scrubs� and went to a nightclub to hear Jay-Z perform.

“Paris Hilton …was sitting next to me the whole night. Seriously, next to me, like our legs were touching for a good 5 hours,� Radin wrote on his MySpace site. “Now don’t get the wrong idea. She never once said hello, nor even looked in my direction. Five hours. And it was unreal to watch. She must have pulled a compact out of her bag every 6 minutes to stare at herself and pose while Jay-Z was performing 18 inches from us.�

When Jay-Z left the stage, according to Radin, it was Hilton’s moment. “Paris, who had been swilling straight vodka from [a] Grey Goose bottle for hours, gets up on stage, has the people in charge throw her ‘record’ on the house stereo for her to lip sync two of her songs,� writes Radin. “She gets up on the stage, pukes, leaves. . . I find the music business charming.�

And here’s the partying princess now leaving Las Vegas with a massive hangover, I’m sure.  Oh, Paris- what are we going to do with you?  Oh yeah, not buy any of your awful albums.  I forgot.

Via:  Celebitchy

It looks like Paris Hilton has a new man at her side, surprise, surprise.  Hilton has set her sights on Canadian-born model James Neate.

Hilton & the New York-based model hit Koi restaurant Thursday night in L.A. and plan to go to dinner at Mr. Chow tonight to kick off LA Fashion Week.

“He’s sweet, but he’s from New York, which sucks,� Paris told a pal.

After leaving the 6′1 James last night, Paris hung out with kiss-and-tell partner Travis Barker.  Later the never-sleeps heiress headed to Hyde nightclub where she joined company with newly reunited BFF Nicole Richie & was spotted dancing on tables with teen queen Lindsay Lohan.

Ahhh, the carefree life of celebrities.  I’d like to see how the Sizzler would take it if I started dancing on their tables.

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Shanna Moakler did a bit of advertising Wednesay for Smirnoff, apparently she floated down NYC’s Hudson River on a block of ice to introduce Smirnoff Twisted V Arctic Berry.  That kind of sounds like a drink, “I would like to order one Artic Berry Shanna on ice, please.”  Wow, it’s so funny what company’s come up with to advertise their products.

I mean, seriously, who was sitting there thinking, “What truly says ‘Smirnoff Twisted V Arctic Berry’?  Why Shanna Moakler on a massive piece of ice floating down the Hudson.  That’s it!  It’s brilliant!”

Anyhoo, after the Smirnoff festivities, Shanna was interviewed by LifeandStylemag.com about that nasty little run-in with none other than the brand herself Paris Hilton.  The two blondes got in a catfight last week at the hot nightspot Hyde.

Shanna stated, “I did not punch her.  I just wish the whole mess would go away. I think there are bigger things in the world happening, like, Korea, like, bigger things. I think America’s probably sick of having Paris shoved down their throats.” {I guess Shanna means North Korea here?}

“And I don’t want to come across as that kind of person in life. I want to be in the magazines for things that I’m doing that are positive. I’m not scandalous. I don’t get into fights and I’m not at the police station for DUI’s. I’m a mom and this is not the spotlight I’m looking for, ever.â€�

“I’ll take it as far as they want it to go,� Moakler finished.

I dunno, Shanna.  I feel pretty confident that a lot of people would like to Paris to be shoved down their throats….

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By now we all know about the Paris Hilton vs Shanna Moakler catfight, and the Travis Barker make-out sessions that led up to that glorious event.  Well, now Paris’ little sister Nikki(doesn’t it always seem like Paris is the little sis?) is taking up for her girl & throwing the towel at Shanna, not surprisingly.

Nikki stated Tuesday, “You know, I think that she should spend more time with her children and doing more important things in life than getting in fights at nightclub.”

“That’s just very scary, being in a nightclub and having someone attack you. Paris is definitely concerned, but I’m taking measures regarding that.�

Hmmmmm, taking measures against that?  What does that mean?  Maybe Nikki Hilton is part of a glitzy, but deadly hotel Mafia ring.

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After being officially charged with a DUI Wednesday for that bit of erratic drunk driving on September 7, Paris Hilton trades her silver Mercedes-Benz for a two-wheeler.

The socialite was spotted in Amsterdam (look out, Netherlands, Paris is in town!) switching gears to a less reckless type of transportation.  I’m giving Paris a little credit there, I thought she’d be too lazy to bike.  Maybe she’s paying someone to push her up hills though….. 

Hotel heiress, socialite, brand & self-proclaimed singer Paris Hilton has finally come clean.  She’s doesn’t know a damn thing.

Page Six reports that while investigators were looking into the home invasion of ”Girls Gone Wild” producer Joe Francis, Hilton stated that she was not a credible witness.

“Like I really…I don’t remember. I’m not like that smart.”

“I like forget stuff all the time.”

Not so smart Hilton goes on to tell investigators that some of her own “private tapes” were also stolen from the home, but her father had warned the blonde princess to not pay for their return.

“So if you pay somebody, then you’re gonna be paying for the rest of your life.”

“My dad always taught me. They’ll keep the tape anyway.”

Yes, I’m sure he did.  I’m sure Daddy Hilton had some blackmail experience himself.

So, maybe this is a brilliant move by Paris to continue to convince people that she’s a complete idiot, thereby allowing her to get by with just about anything?

What do ya think?  Yeah, I don’t buy that either.

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I’ve decided that Paris Hilton is a walking & talking wax robot.  And in this photo, not a very sexy one.

Paris Hilton struts her waxy robotic charm at Another Magazine’s after party Tuesday.  I think she may have needed to consult a wardrobe specialist before she left the house.

“Pop Star” Paris Hilton apparently cries with joy & appreciation when she hears her new album.  The self-titled Paris album hits stores today & Hilton just can’t wait to cry some more.

Paris insists that her new disc is the best thing since sliced bread & that she can’t believe it’s being embraced in the club scene.

Hilton says, “I, like, cry, when I listen to it, it’s so good.

“People love it. Everyone’s like, ‘Who is this?’ I don’t tell. Because I don’t want someone putting their phone up and recording it and making a ring tone off of it.

“I think when people don’t know it’s me, they won’t judge it. But if they know it’s me, then they’ll be like, ‘Ugh.’ They won’t even dance.”

She may be right, she may be right. 

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Hotel heiress Paris Hilton & socialite Nicole Richie are set to end their two-year-running feud while on The Late Show with David Letterman. 

Letterman has offered to play referee / peacekeeper after inviting The Simple Life stars to appear on the show in September.

I’m hoping more for mud wrestling that forgiveness hugs myself.

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Hotel heiress & Britney Spears empathizer Paris Hilton has increased her security after a stalker pretending to be Hilton’s fiance showed up at her father’s office armed with a knife.

The actress / singer / all-around hooligan decided that her personal safety was at risk after the man arrived at Rick Hilton’s place of business.  
 
She says, “I’ve had a lot of stalker incidents, and I usually can handle them.

“But the scariest one was when a guy turned up at my dad’s office and said he was my fiance. He forced his way inside and the cops discovered he had a knife on him. That was freaky.

“Now I have a lot of security all the time so I feel safe. I guess that’s one of the things you have to learn to live with, but it’s still scary.”

Poor Paris.  She just wants to feel safe. 

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In a hilarious turn of events & in an irony-shaking move, Paris Hilton publicly gave Britney Spears advice yesterday on The View.   

Hilton encouraged the young pop star to try & cooperate with the paparazzi & not antagonize them (with your crotch).  The hotel heiress & general all-around, do-gooder claims she sympathizes with Spears’ plight with the media, but that the best way to handle the stick-to-you-like-glue photographers is to not get a gun, but to smile & work with them.  

Let’s let Paris explain, “(The paparazzi) annoy me, too.

“I can understand going to a press event or a premiere that’s fine, they’re there, but when they’re waiting outside your home every morning and following you around every single day it’s hard.

“I’d rather them just take pictures at events, not at my house.

“I think it’s better just to smile than when people give the middle finger or are rude to them, because that’s what they want you to do.

“They want to get a bad picture.”  (Or if you’re like me, a picture of my firecrotch).

I believe these statements by heiress Paris are shaking the very roots of irony & I wouldn’t be surprised if that old, familiar tree came tumbling down after this tenacious effort by Hilton.

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Oh, Paris- that thoughtful, conscientious, delicate & lovely lady is so misunderstood.  Did I hear someone say ‘Not!’? 

While visiting her latest prey, Cardinals quarterback Matt Leinart, Paris Hilton seems to be admitting her mental handicap for the first time.  According to the residents of the exclusive apartment complex where Leinart resides, the pea-brained & mentally afflicted heiress thoughtlessly parks into handicapped spaces whenever she visits. 

I feel like this is the first sign of recovery for Paris.  First you have to realize that you do have a problem & then face it.  And with Barbie purse in hand & pettiness on her sleeve, Paris Hilton will overcome her mental handicap, by golly.  Or I’m not Brad Pitt.

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Whilst in Germany touring the countryside via helicopter, socialite Paris Hilton heard nature calling.  She, being the calm & considerate lady she is, tried to ignore the call until it came barking mad at her door. 

Paris demanded the pilot of the craft to immediately land the non-bathroom acommodating helicopter so she could relieve herself.  The quick-on-the-draw pilot realized he was close to a friend’s farmhouse & proceeded to land in his fields.  I’m not sure why Paris didn’t pee right then & there, it makes more sense for the Paris I know to show her thang in as public a place as possible. 

Hilton was able to make it to the German farmer’s house without a drop spilled & now the same German farmer is trying to turn lemons into lemonade, as it were.  The ingenious farmer is looking to auction the actual, don’t get too excited now, toilet seat the young hotel princess put her delicate derriere upon. 

I think I’m now going to erect a sign in my yard that states simply, “If you have any celebrity clout, please pee here.”  I think I could make a small fortune. 

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Simple Life star Nicole Richie has made peace with her weight loss and gas faced up to the fact that the ‘I’m just naturally thin’ line isn’t fooling anyone.  Richie opens up to Vanity Fair saying that she is afraid that young women who see her as a role model would aim to have her sleek, blowing-away-in-the-wind figure.

Richie reveals, “I know I’m too thin right now, so I wouldn’t want any young girl looking at me and saying, ‘That’s what I want to look like.’”

The socialite actress pleads that her weight loss is not due to an eating disorder and that she has sought medical advice.  Richie states, “I started seeing a nutritionist and a doctor… I do recognize that I have a problem, and I want to be responsible and fix it, and I’m on that path right now.”

But the docs aren’t convinced Richie’s weight loss isn’t due to anorexia.  In an upcoming Vanity Fair article one of her medics, Jeffery Wilkins, informs us, “If it’s not anorexia, she should be able to gain the weight. If it ends up being anorexia we can help her with that.”

So, either way it looks like Nicole Richie is on the right track to avoid having a string attached to her legs and being flown like a kite.  Now if she can only find a way to mend that broken Paris Hilton relationship… 

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It’s like a party girl sandwich with a Greek in the middle.  Paris Hilton, Stavros Niarchos & teen queen Lindsay Lohan have been quite the busy bees.  Paris, who stole Stavros from Mary Kate Olsen, recently broke up with the shipping heir.  Now it’s being reported that teen queen Lohan has stolen Niarchos from the open bachelor market.  Who is this guy, Adonis reincarnate?

According to Life & Style just hours after Hilton let loose of Niarchos, Lindsay Lohan had a handful of the Greek hotpants.  Niarchos was seen “sipping cocktails and dirty dancing� with Lohan at LA club Element.   

A bartender told the mag, “Lindsay was all over Stavros.  At one point, he had his hand up her skirt!â€�   Three days later, Stavros was spotted leaving Lohan’s room at the Chateau Marmont.  I’m sure he was just dropping by to say hello and making sure she had enough “fruit” in her “fruit basket”.  Maybe she didn’t have enough Greek “olives” in her “fruit basket”. 

Going back to the hotel heiress Paris Hilton, there are conflicting reports as to the motivation behind her breakup with Stavros.  Hollywood.com reports that Hilton ditched Niarchos because he wanted to spend the summer living it up on his yacht, while Paris plans to promote her upcoming album.  Yes, I said it.  Her damn upcoming album.  God save us.
 
Paris dumped Adonis right before she left for Austria this past Thursday where she made a short appearance at a music festival for a whopping fee of $1 million. 

A source tells Us Weekly, “Paris dumped him. He wanted Paris to spend the summer on his yacht, but she doesn’t want to party with kids on a boat. She’s going to promote her album.”

But hey, Paris is a bouncer, a get-back-on-that-horse-and-ride kinda gal and it looks like she’s doing just jim doodley.  Hilton was back in states Monday, where she met first-round draft pick football player Matt Leinart for lunch in LA

According to a source, “There’s an attraction, but they haven’t hooked up.”  Well, jeepers, she just jumped out of bed with Stavros, maybe she can handle being single for at least a week.

What a tasty sandwich that Paris-Stavros-Lohan sandwich is.  You know, to make things balanced, should maybe Paris & Mary Kate hook up?  I can just see the video now.

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29-year-old Lost star Dominic Monaghan, he’ll always be Merry the hobbit to me, thinks he’s better than our sweetpants Paris Hilton.  The actor, who we cannot call a celebrity at this point, detests celebrities who point the spotlight at themselves.

Monaghan insists, “I’m not like Paris Hilton.  I don’t play that game of ‘Please leave me alone’ and then go to the Ivy and cry my eyes out.”  Poor Dominic, it looks like he has a problem with showing his soft side.

“I do say, ‘I’m not interested.’  I don’t have some sort of party scene or anything like that.  It’s fine if people play that game, but for me that’s something I try to keep at arm’s length.”

Hmmmm…  I’m not sure we would even care if Dominic Monaghan did have a party scene.  But I would be interested in seeing that arm’s length.

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The Simple star and hotel heiress Paris Hilton will be releasing her own line of mobile phone games, maybe that’s what Hilton & Niarchos were working on at that Lakers game. Hilton has teamed up with developer Gameloft to create the games which will be launched this summer.  Gameloft stated that the first game will be “geared to tweens/teens and fans of Paris Hilton.”

Gameloft has not given any details about the game but will probably be in the category of simpler titles that includes puzzlers and card games.  I’m thinking of a game where you help Paris get rid of pesky STD’s by solving puzzles and card games, if you lose too many times, Paris dies of AIDS.  A little harsh, yes, but I can see it being a real winner in the gaming world. 

Paris tells MTV, “My phone has become an all-in-one entertainment device and mobile games are an integral part of that.  Mobile gaming is really hot right now, and I’m excited to be a part of this project.” 

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