The world’s number one golfer, Tiger Woods, is the new target of animation sitcom South Park. His string of marital infidelities, scandals, and recent public apology will be spoofed on this week’s episode, which kicks off South Park’s 14th season.

As of yesterday, the trailer for “All The Temptations” has already been viewed over 214,000 times.

As for the real Tiger Woods, he has taken an indefinite leave from golf to focus on his family and personal life.

All The Temptations Season 14 of South Park is coming March 17th at 10p/9c on Comedy Central.

He has kept out of the public eye since his accident and alleged string of affairs that exploded all over the news last November. Now Tiger Woods has come out of hiding. He was spotted jogging with a friend last Wednesday near his home in Orlando, Florida. With a team of security around him, he also played a little golf before helicopters swarming over his town prompted the golfer to retreat.

The pictures show that he’s looking more refreshed. I guess being in hiatus has given Tiger enough time to think and, not to mention, hire a more reliable PR team to clean up his act. In fact, he is scheduled to finally break his silence about the scandal tomorrow.

His official website announced:

Tiger Woods will be speaking to a small group of friends, colleagues and close associates at 11:00 a.m. EST on Friday at the TPC Sawgrass Clubhouse in Ponte Vedra Beach, Fla. Tiger plans to discuss his past and his future, and he plans to apologize for his behavior.

While Tiger feels that what happened is fundamentally a matter between him and his wife, he also recognizes that he has hurt and let down a lot of other people who were close to him. He also let down his fans. He wants to begin the process of making amends, and that’s what he’s going to discuss.

His remarks will be open to a press pool for live coverage. It is NOT a news conference.

photo via Cheezburger

Hell, there is no point in me trying to lead you in on this one. Here ya go…

A disgraced Tiger Woods is terrified that the worst news is yet to come – that he fathered love children with his mistresses! And his many liaisons may have been caught on tape!

The golf great had wild unprotected sex with a string of mistresses, sources tell The ENQUIRER- and now he fears claims that his out-of-control sexual proclivities may have produced children.

To make matters even worse, the 33-year-old sports star is reportedly worried that a lurid sex tape could appear and wreck his desperate attempts to cling onto the wreckage of his marriage to beauty and ex-model Elin Nordegren who has just bought a $2 million mansion in her native Sweden as a fail-safe escape house in case the marriage disintegrates.

National Enquirer

This is where I come in and crack some subtle jokes, make you laugh and ask why I haven’t received a Pulitzer yet, but not this time. No, for once I am going to take the serious side of things and ask myself what in the hell drives the world’s richest man to do things that drop his fortune by 90% in the span of a month? There is no female part worth that much. I figured there was no reason to bang my head against the desk when I could just go to Tiger and ask him myself what the deal was.

So Tiger, after all these women show up claiming that you have had sex with them, are there anymore people you are still looking to bang?

You are ridiculous man. Find a new hobby.

This is starting to get out of hand. A report by US Magazine states that 9 women have come out to claim they have had sex with Tiger since his marriage. One being a pornstar. Since this is all turning into a joke I have decided to make a game of it myself and predict what the final tally of women will be before the December 20th deadline (that is a random deadline). I’m going with 17.

He will fall one hole short of completing the course and play will be suspended due to bad weather.

Get this, the cow pictured above is the alleged pornstar that had a relationship with Tiger Woods, her name is Holly Sampson. Although she has come out and made these claims, she has no comment on the matter according to her attorney. How that makes any sense is beyond me, I am just a simple man who wishes nothing more that for peace on Earth.

If he hadn’t crashed that car this would’ve never happened. This is why George Jetson has yet to be caught. Can’t crash a hovercroft into a fire hydrant.

It’s Friday night. You are trying to woo your honey. You get her home. You light the candles. You get the oils out. Damn, you have no music! Don’t worry because Celebrific has your back on this one. Just play this Tiger Woods Voicemail Slow Jam Remix and she will be dropping her panties faster than the Dow Jones.

Produced by the cool cats over at It’s a Half Day Today. This might be in the running for YouTube video of the year, especially since I can’t remember the past 5,000 I saw in 2009.

Excuse me while I go and take a cold shower.

I just got done saying…

If I were her I still would’ve kept quiet to get a sweeter deal from Tiger, but these women have no business sense. If you are going to ruin marriages and destroy legacies you have to start with a well laid out plan.

Now reports are coming out that she cancelled her press conference today because Tiger’s people paid her $1 million to shut up. She had a grand scheme all this time and played it out to perfection!

We know how this will end though right? She will get a show/movie/book deal from this and get paid even more by telling the Tiger Affair Tale. Sneaky, sneaky.

Sometimes I wish I had a vagina so I could come up with schemes like this. This isn’t the reason why I wear pantyhose, I was just thinking out loud. My legs are sensitive and need protection, don’t judge me.

In unrelated news, I guarantee the next story won’t include Tiger Woods’ and the use of his putter.

You understood the game plan. Woman says she didn’t bang the billion dollar man so he would slide her some green under the table. However, there was a wrench thrown in the plans when another money-grubbing cow decided to make it publicly known that she was sleeping with Tiger. Well, cow #1 just couldn’t let this opportunity slip through her fingers so she admits that she actually did sleep with the billion dollar athlete.

Sources say less than an hour before Tiger’s accident, Rachel and Tiger were texting each other. Elin confronted Tiger and asked whom he was texting. She grabbed the phone and we’re told she called Rachel to confront her. According to sources, Tiger and Elin began arguing and the phone broke in the process.

TMZ

If I were her I still would’ve kept quiet to get a sweeter deal from Tiger, but these women have no business sense. If you are going to ruin marriages and destroy legacies you have to start with a well laid out plan.

Let the one tramp get all the hatred from the world, while you chill behind the scenes laughing in caviar baths and champagne showers. Of course, that is what cows #3-#10 are probably doing so what do I know.

Tiger, was this a ploy to break up with your wife before Christmas so you didn’t have to buy her any presents?

Okay, never mind, because if that was the reason then you are genius my man.

When you are trying to re-negotiate a prenup with your billion dollar husband there is only one way to go about it.

This happened faster than I thought. According to the Sun Times, Tiger’s wife, Elin, is being paid a hefty 7 figures to stick with her man. Now that is a sign of a healthy relationship. You just pay the woman to stay married to you. I mean, all Kobe did was buy her a ring so as you can see Tiger has upped the ante. Next professional athlete to get caught cheating is in trouble as he will probably have to offer the naming rights of a stadium to his spouse.

They are also doing some intense marriage counseling because, well because their marriage is screwed up. Can you imagine how that session will go?

Elin: I love my husband…s money doc, but I just don’t know if I can take the cheating and lying…to myself that I really do love him.

Doc: Tiger, anything to say?

Tiger: Hold on, let me finish sending this text.

Again, we have to take it back to Tiger to see how he feels about giving up a cool 7 figures to his wife and having her redo their prenup.

We couldn’t have said it better ourselves.

photo via Real Man Magazine

Tiger. Tiger. TIGER! What in the hell were you thinking my man. I know people out there are thinking to themselves man if I was married to a Swedish model, had a gajillion dollars and a kid I would never cheat on my wife. But to some men, especially ones in power, the allure is to great. It happens. However…there are laws that you must follow to maintain order in the world and one of them is if you are going to leave a voicemail, change your voice and don’t say your name.

What am I talking about? TMZ has an audio clip of Tiger leaving a voicemail to Jamiee Grubbs where he says his name and how she needs to erase her name from the voicemail. So what does Jamiee do with the voicemail? Exactly what you would expect a woman of her caliber to do, she took it to work to show it off.

This girl is getting paid cash money and probably got a couple of nice gifts from Tiger. In a time where it is hard to be hated than the most hated athletes, it seems these guys are trying to one up each other. Who is hated less than Tiger now?

• Roger Clemens
• Alex Rodriguez
• Kobe Bryant
• Brett Favre
• Steve McNair
• Hitler

You have to be the most dominant player in golf history to accomplish something like that. Well done, Tiger, well done. How do you feel about earning this achievement Mr. Woods?

Exactly what we thought.

While one tramp, Rachel Uchitel, denies having an affair with Tiger Woods, another steps out of the woodwork to collect her reality show paycheck. The Daily News reports that a waitress, Jamiee Grubbs, is claiming she had a 31-month affair and she has over 300 “racy” text messages to validate it. To top it off, she was a contestant on VH1’s award winning (okay I lied there) reality series, “Tool Academy.”

So let me get this straight, Tiger gets beat by his wife in an “accident”, cuts and bruises all over, one girl denies the affair so he should be off the hook, but then another steps up to take her place. Let’s not forget this guy is worth a trillion dollars and probably didn’t sign a prenuptial agreement so he is going to be worth half a trillion now.

Could you imagine if this cuts off his endorsements?

You see when you are the King of the Junglebooty you have to learn to cover your tracks. People should never cross the King, but when you marry a Lioness you have to expect bad things to happen. But then again you deserve bad things to happen when you cheat on a Swedish model.

I’m not saying Tiger cheated on his wife with these young pups, but I’m just saying he is Tiger Woods and you can’t keep a wild tiger caged.

He has a laceration on his face, but that does not exempt him from being linked to other women. Rachel Uchitel is the alleged mistress of the golf star, but she says that while they have met twice, they have not had any contact since. The truth will prevail, whatever it is.

Tiger Woods got into a car accident on Friday just outside his home in Florida. Apparently, he was not driving fast enough and the airbags of the car did not employ. He is doing fine, suffering only from minor lacerations on his face. That shouldn’t affect his golf skills!

Golf superstar Tiger Woods has finally revealed some pictures of his newborn baby.  Now the question is, will the newborn be the one to pass on the Tiger legend?

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