All of this according to US Magazine. I never once seen her in a pic with a man and have to question this guy even exists. I mean, who really has the name Axtmann? It seems like one of those words you would use in a Snickers commercial when you need a break to come up for an excuse as to why your neighbor’s pet llama was found dead after you got done feeding it.

After some googling there are indeed pics of the couple together. I stand corrected. He exists, but doesn’t have a brain it seems. I’m not saying a woman of Tara’s caliber isn’t a catch for some guy out there, I’m just saying she isn’t a catch in this lifetime. That was harsh and I don’t care. I want it to be Friday already and now I have to deal with the fact that Tara Reid found a soulmate before me?

Something is wrong with this picture and I don’t mean the picture above. I mean the picture of life. It’s faded and taken with a crappy camera. I need to take a new picture of life that doesn’t involve a camera with the word ‘disposable’ in it. Polaroid time. Great, Victoria Beckham took off with my polaroid after our crazy night last week.

Life is rough.

I could write about Carrie Underwood being engaged or Tila Tequila being pregnant, but to be honest I could care less. So in my quest of not caring about anything today I figured I would do a post on the one celebrity that I could care the least about and that is Tara Reid.

She did Playboy this month as a photoshopped blowup doll that just isn't going to work out the way she intended. In fact, does anything work out the way this girl intends? Acting career? Nope. Plastic surgery? Nope. Plastic surgery? Nope. Gravity? Nope. Plastic surgery? Nope.

I'm not trying to say anything, but we lose Brittany Murphy and get to keep Tara Reid. The gods smile upon us at their own greed. Thanks gods. Yeah I said gods meaning more than one and I used a lowercase 'g'. You don't want to get into a religious debate with me because I will own your face so quick you will be screaming Zeus' anus faster than a unicorn grows a horn.

Dead serious.

Like Tara Reid will never get her stomach back type of serious and if you have seen her stomach you know that is the kind of serious you just don't mess with.

In the battle of the irrelevants, Maxim lands Olivia Munn on its cover while Playboy gets Tara Reid. I remember back in the day she always claimed she wouldn't do Playboy although they kept on sending her offers. I guess the money always runs out eventually and you have to step up your strip game if you want to stay above water.

Now if you have seen any Tara pics over the past 5 years then you know something is right with her body and by something I mean everything and by everything I mean "yo WTF is wrong with your stomach, breasts, eyes and toes?" To top it off and break the trend of Playboy sucking by never showing nudity they are going to have topless photos of Tara. Now this could easily mean topless with her hands covering the goods and in a way I hope this is the case.

Tara is out to prove that people continue to only show old pictures of her and that is unfair so she wants to show the world her body is fine. Just in case, here is an old pic. Bathe yourself in her sexiness.

I can't fdasflkaflajfing wait.

The grapevine was all abuzz with news about Tara Reid entering Promises, the Malibu rehab center, some time ago. It seems that she checked out over the weekend although there is no confirmation as of yet. By the way, Tara Reid is not the only celebrity that has been treated in this facility.

From the current queen of excess to the previous holder…

What’s this we hear that Tara Reid is looking none too healthy these days. Paparazzi took pictures of her a while back looking quite thin in a bikini. We could assume that this may just be another diet that Reid is trying out but recent pictures of her are really showing an alarming loss of weight. Is she sick?

As usual, crazypants Tara Reid is in some desperate need for fashion help.  Actually, I feel that good ole Tara probably qualifies for a fashion emergency.

The queen of looking bad was spotted leaving her Beverly Hills stylist Thursday looking plaid, spotted, dotted & checked.  What the hell was she thinking when she left the house this morning?  “I wonder how many looks I can get away with today?” 

The PTA mom look gone bad certainly has been done to the tops by Miss Reid.  Seriously though, Tara needs a fashion coach who will not let her outside the house until she appears close to normal.  Any takers for the position?

I’m so proud of Paula Abdul making into the news today without the headline being, ‘Paula Confesses to Blowing Simon for Pills.’

Paula’s got a new man!  New guy JT Torregiani is not only packing some cuteness, he’s also a restauranteur.  Along with Tara Reid, JT owns & runs the West Hollywood eatery Ketchup.  And it looks like Paula is the ketchup of his hot dog.

According to one source, Paula “introduces him to everyone as her boyfriend.”

“It’s really cute how she’s so smitten.”

How sweet!  Congrats, Paula!

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