Paris Hilton stops for an autograph signing in Pretoria, South Africa. She is joining her boyfriend Benji Madden on his tour, and decided that she might as well do a little “Fan Day” at the Jakaranda Kinderhuis School. Aaw, Paris, such love.

Check out the other photos including one of her in a funky bikini.

Looks like it’s official. Paris Hilton is going around town sporting a ring with “BM” in big diamonds. The BM is Benji Madden, of course.

Benji’s ex Sophie Monk isn’t wasting time being jealous, of course. She’s hooked up with multi-millionare Jason Rubin. So how long will it be before Paris gets her hands on him?

Paris Hilton’s brother is following in her (drunken) footsteps. He was arrested for DUI, and worse, carrying a fake license.

When reporters contacted Barron’s father Rick Hilton, he said: “I haven’t been contacted yet by either my son or the police. If what I have heard is true, it is very disturbing and I will have a lot to say – but it will be to my son, not the media.”

…to take Molecular Biology!

Just kidding.

Actually, the actress-socialite was given an award by the Harvard Lampoon: “Hastiest Pudding of the Lampoon Award.”

Okay, so it’s not the Golden Globes, but the actress has been building on her, uhm, esteemed body of work, with “The Hottie & the Nottie” due to be released this February 6. (Other credits include “House of Wax,” and TV’s “The Simple Life,” and a horror musical called “Repo! The Genetic Opera!”

Days after rumors spread that Stavros Niarchos was interested in Lindsay Lohan, his ex Paris Hilton made moves to reclaim her guy.

Paris and Stavros have been seen doing some serious liplocking, and she’s making damn sure that everyone does see them. Trendy clubs. Best tables at restaurants. Gosh, she might as well send out invitations and upload a sex tape on You Tube. (Oh wait. She’s done that already.)

So mature, Paris, so mature.

What is the appeal of Stavros Niarchos? Lindsay Lohan was all over him at a Hollywood party (aah, she didn’t waste any time after ending her rehab romance). But watch your step, Lindsay. While stealing a guy from a small-town girl may have little consequence, you don’t want to cross paths with Paris Hilton. She wanderd around the room, asking where Stavros was gone, and God knows what hissy fit the spoiled socialite threw when she found out that Lindsay had gone off with her boy toy.

But Paris may have no one to blame but herself. Stavros didn’t seem to enjoy her company. “He wanted nothing to do with her and seemed so annoyed by her, he left the partyâ€� to hang out with Lindsay, a source said.

Hilton, unaware she had irked Niarchos, was then seen wandering around “asking where Stavros had gone.�

Ooooh, are we going to see a bitch fight?

News had spread that Paris had finally found a cause more relevant than buying shoes  – rallying for binge-drinking elephants in India.

Today, the Associated Press retracted that news. Apparently, Hilton’s rep said she had never mentioned drunken elephants.  It was a hoax.

A honest mistake, since binge-drinking is something Paris knows very, very well. 

I bet Santa never heard a wish like this.  Paris Hilton’s big dream is to defy death—her body preserved for a century, along with that of her dogs. She’s even invested a “huge amountâ€� (gasp even bigger than what she spends on bags!) in the Cryonics Institute. (That’s “tech speakâ€� for “the world’s largest freezerâ€�).  While Cryonics may seem like the most extreme anti-aging measure ever taken by a celebrity, it’s a profound moment for Paris. She’s said that she’s tired of years of empty partying and wants to “leave her mark on the worldâ€�.  Gosh, girl, couldn’t you just have written a check for starving children?

Wedding pictures from Pamela Anderson & Rick Salomon’s surprise wedding have finally hit the web.

Can I just say that I love the fact that Rick is sporting a knit cap!  Wow.  In the infamous words of Paris Hilton, “That’s hot!”

Photos from the hitching were published in OK! Magazine this week, showing a beaming Pam & knit cap-wearing Rick.  A redneck couple made in heaven, eh? 

Paris Hilton is confusing the hell out of me.  The socialite showed up for the MTV Video Music Awards looking rather motherly than usual.

Hilton hit the red carpet while sporting a 60-years-old hair design & a tight animal skin dress.  Maybe in some alternate reality this all makes sense somehow.

Leave it up to Paris Hilton to spill the Christina Aguilera pregnancy beans.

While enjoying a party in Las Vegas on Sunday, Hilton publicly congratulated Xtina on her pregnancy, saying, “Congratulations to the most beautiful pregnant woman in the world, you’re gorgeous.”

Gee, thanks Paris.  Christina preg rumors have been circulating for some time, while the saucy singer has never officially stated anything on the matter.  Well, it looks like she might have to now!

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Good ole Paris Hilton is feeling a little left out ever since BFF Nicole Richie went & got herself knocked up. 

Hilton, who recently gave an interview to Elle magazine, has revealed that she wants kids & that she’s ready to start pushing them out as soon as next year.  Watch out, Stavros, there’s a new baby mama in town!

“I want kids next year, so I’ve got to get my body ready.”

Can anyone take socialite Paris Hilton seriously in this hilarious picture?  I mean, come on, shiny black pair of stilettos, leopard print swimsuit with puppy in suit to match.  And to top off the ridiculous cake, Paris is apparently trying to put a pink surfboard in the back seat of her Bentley.

Seems like if anyone needs help these days, it’s Paris.  At least in the surfing department that is.  Par Par looks like Barbie out there on the California waves, and spills over just as easily.

It’s amazing how some folks can look like their pets without even trying.

Here, Paris Hilton was spotted casually sticking out her tongue on the beach near her Malibu home.  I guess the heiress was trying to speak teacup? 

My god, all that money growing up & this is what you get?  Jeez, I would have thought money could have bought you smarts, but doesn’t look like that’s the case here at airy Pairy land.

Hrmmm, I think I might need a t-shirt with my own mug on it, so folks know I mean business, serious business. 

Ex-con & socialite Paris Hilton was spotted Tuesday sporting a tee with her own face gracing the front, apparently the lady just can’t get enough of herself.

Hilton was seen leaving the Ole Henriksen spa in West Hollywood where she spent the afternoon enjoying a massage & Hawaiian sugar scrub.

Paris, you should know by now dearie, that how ever much sugar scrub you put on that bod of yours, you’re never going to be very sweet…

Back from Hawaii & after a post that told her fans the wise thing to do on July 4th was to not drink & drive, Paris Hilton gets to her shopping.

Hilton was spotted with her sister Nicky on Tuesday for a bit of post-jail shopping.  The Hiltons hit Fred Segal in Santa Monica & then tucked in a spot of lunch.

It’s nice to see that jail didn’t take the shopping out of our little trooper Paris.

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Now that would be juicy beyond belief!  A Nick Lachey & Vanessa Minnillo celebrity sex tape would blow any other sex tapes out of the water this year!

And according to TMZ, it might actually exist!  Apparently the couple were having some hard core sex in a Jacuzzi in Mexico & a source is revealing that the scene was of Paris Hilton sex tape fame.  Now that’s hot!  Can’t wait for this one, and the lawsuits that normally follow….

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As you can see, Britney Spears was spotted pulling a Paris Hilton this weekend & was checking out a Chihuahua puppy at a Los Angeles pet store.  If you can’t take care of two kids, Brit, don’t think you have an ounce of time for the pup…

Recently, Britney made a statement that she was at odds with her mother Lynne, saying, “I’m praying for her right now. [I hope] she gets all the help she needs.”   Well, that’s a little brazen, now, isn’t it?

Lynne responded by stating, “I’ve got a strong family, and everything is going to be fine.”  Hrmmm, doesn’t sound like the two are cuddly buddies, now does it?

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It’s summertime for us & the stars.  While I’m not likely to be able to afford Maui with Paris Hilton, maybe I can scrape together some Malibu funds.

Newly single Denise Richards was spotted Wednesday soaking up the rays with 2-year-old daughter Lola on the beaches of Malibu.  You know, whenever I see a pic of Denise, I just see a crazy person.  Anyone else suffering from this condition as well?

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