I can’t tell you how many times this happens. I come home from a hard day at work only to find some celebrity mooching in my closet trying on the clothes that I stole from their closet. I mean don’t they understand the hard work I put in breaking into their homes, finding the clothes I want and sneaking back out again? Apparently they don’t and they believe that we are playing some game here because then they do the same thing to me.

Unbelievable the type of pressure I am put under in these situations. I never know what to do. When I catch them do I call the cops and report that they are trying to steal goods that I stole from them initially or do I get my camera and make this a fashion show? In this case I decided to make it a fashion show and I have to admit, it isn’t that bad.

I’ll give Lindsay one thing, she may be batcrap crazy, but she has the personality of a sea dragon and that is a very good thing. We had fun during this shoot, but it was a bit awkward afterwards as we didn’t know what to do. I decided that she could keep one piece of clothing and if she wanted the rest she would have to break in and not get caught. Let’s see how she pulls it off.

As you already know, Lindsay spent New Year’s in St. Barts. What you might have missed though is that her toes were not looking status quo like. I mean if you have ugly feet you have ugly feet, but there is no reason to walk around with half-painted toenails, it is just tacky. It can be hard enough trying to the crackhead image, but if you are just going to prepetuate it with your nasty toes then you deserve every bad thing that comes your way.

I mean, isn’t it enough that her sister was struggling with her swimsuit? My only guess was that she saw her sister’s swimsuit and figured she could get away with the sloppy toes because everyone would be too focused on what she was trying to pull off.

It’s a sound strategy I guess and I do the same thing with my little brother, except I don’t let him wear a swimsuit that is too small. Instead, I dress him up in a white robe with a hood and walk around with a rope. It seems to keep the attention off of me, but unfortunately for him lots of people give him a bit too much attention if you know what I mean.

You don’t? That is too bad. I wish I could help you out there, but I can’t.

While most celebs partied the night away in Vegas, New York, Hollywood, and other party spots in the US, Lindsay Lohan ditched the festive winter celebrations for the sunny Caribbean Islands.

Dressed down in bikinis and flip-flops, Lindsay and her sister Ali were spotted by the paparazzi around Gustavia Harbor as they welcomed the New Year. Their itinerary included shopping, boating, and frolicking under the sun.

Russian billionaire Roman Abramovich was in charge of the celebrity-packed New Year’s celebration in St. Barth, and other VIP guests included Beyonce, Jay Z, Orlando Bloom and Miranda Kerr.

While Tiger is trying his best to stop women from coming out the woodwork, Lindsay Lohan is trying her best to drive attention towards her. Last week it was John Mayer and Cash Warren and this week she has bagged Jason Segel.

You can say all you want about her having STDs and being raggedy, but if she can bang almost any celeb she wants, she has some mad skills. She has lost all attractiveness in my book so this is even more amazing feat to me and somewhere there is a lesson to be found for women across the world. I can’t teach you that lesson because I feel it is only fair that you learn it on your own, but to put things in perspective…

…she is having sex with the men you want to have sex with. And she is broke. And has no star power. And has nothing in life going for her.

It’s only Monday, things will get worse.

So the story goes like this, John Mayer goes to Butter nightclub in NYC. Lindsay Lohan goes to Butter nightclub in NYC. Samantha Ronson is DJing at Butter nightclub in NYC. Do I even need to finish?

Lindsay sat at John’s table. John worked some moves with Samantha and got her to come join his table. The three had a great time and went their separate ways…or did they? Have you ever known John Mayer to pass up on a piece of the pie? Have you known Lindsay Lohan to miss eating the last sausage on the grill?

This is what came from their Twitter accounts that fateful night.

@johncmayer shhhhhhhhhhhhhh butter-face

@lindsaylohan

I’ve got to finish boning my mistress early so that I can go home and explain to my kid that he’s lost a role model. What a shame.

@johncmayer

Now I’m not saying they boned, but they had sex. Please do not bother to reach the CDC in Atlanta because the whole facility has been relocated to New York to handle the STD apocalypse. The Mayans believed the world would end in 2012 through natural disasters. This is completely and utterly false. The world will end when the orgy of Lindsay Lohan, John Mayer, Paris Hilton, Heidi Montag, Spencer Pratt and Carrot Top has reached its pinnacle and giant crab-like monsters roam the Earth.

I will be safely stowed away in my Trojan covered bunker. Did you know Twinkies last forever?

If you really care to follow these events, Celebitchy has much more info.

To say that her dad’s a loser apparently not enough for Lindsay Lohan. Now, she is giving her dad a dose of his own medicine. Using Twitter, she is dissing daddy: “He’s a deadbeat dad. He’s disgusting to do this he needs help.” She also says that he threatened to kill her mom. What a whacked out family!

The best place for celebs to show off their hot designer duds is in the VIP section of fashion shows. Check out these Hollywood fashionistas who managed to steal the attention away from the catwalks at the Paris Fashion Week Spring/Summer 2010. Who wins your vote for best dressed?

Rihanna attended the Jean-Paul Gaultier Pret a Porter show wearing a daring cutout number. Accompanying her at the fashion shows is stylist Mariel Haenn.

She also managed to keep her hands warm in a jewel-encrusted Chanel muff in the French designer’s show.

Dita Von Teese arrived at the Christian Dior show in her signature old Hollywood glam look.

Supermodel Claudia Schiffer went for military chic at the Chanel Pret a Porter show.

It’s in the jeans. Gwyneth Paltrow kept it casual at the Stella McCartney show in Palais De Tokyo.

Katy Perry went hot for sequins at the Sonia Rykiel show. To the surprise of her fans, she ditched her usual colorful retro wardrobe and went for a darker look.

Lindsay Lohan (right) and Spanish designer Estrella Archs walked the runway for Emmanuel Ungaro. Lohan was introduced as the fashion brand’s artistic director, much to the dismay of critics.

Singer Prince outshone the other men (and women!) at the Grand Palais for Chanel. His sexy high heels will put any catwalk diva to shame.

Rocker dude meets boho chick. Couple Max Snow and Mary-Kate Olsen attended the Giambattista Valli Pret a Porter show as part of the Paris Women’s Wear Fashion Week in Jardin des Tuileries.

Lily Allen (right) gave a surprise musical performance at the Chanel Pret a Porter show. She popped out from a pile of hay to perform her hit song “Not Fair.”

Lindsay is devastated over her breakup with DJ Sam. This despite the fact that she said they did it so Lindsay can focus on herself? I think it has reached the point that Sam’s family is considering a restraining order against Lindsay! Bad…

Lindsay Lohan’s family drama has not been kept a secret. At this point in time, however, father Michael says that they have a truce and that the media should stay out of it to stop adding fuel to the fire. Let’s help them out a bit?

And I thought I was the only one getting increasingly annoyed with Facebook! Well, La Lohan was in a fit on rage recently when she discovered that the social networking giant had closed her account, claiming that she was a fake!

” At first I laughed, but then I got angry. Angry because, with ALL the people that PRETEND to be me on Facebook, they decide to say I AM THE FAKE.”

Lohan fumed. For now, the tres annoyed star will be sticking to her MySpace page.

Lindsay Lohan’s “girlfriend” Samantha Ronson may be surgically attached to the troubled actress but that doesn’t mean she’s turned lesbo.

According to The Sun, Lohan said that Ronson is the only girl she’ll go for and that if things don’t work out with her then she’ll date guys again.

Hmm, a non-commital lesbian.

Lindsey Lohan’s past keeps coming back to bite her in the ass.

She is being sued by the three people in the SUV that she drove while drunk as she tried to chase her assistant. This real-life stupidity/story happened last year.

Oh my Gosh… Lindsay Lohan’s been sporting a heart shaped ring … and we know pretty well that it’s not the chastity ring espoused by the Jonas Brothers.

She’s still not confirming any special relationship with Samantha Ronson, but she did admit they have matching tattoos.

Recently, Lindsay Lohan got into a ’spat’ with her father. But the two may have to put personal differences aside. Her paternal grandfather Richard died from colon cancer last week. Lindsay — acting way more mature than we normally give her credit for — said “Now papa has found peace and maybe we can find peace in our lives, too.”

Lindsay Lohan gets honest in her blog entry. First she rants about the rumors about her sister, then sighs “I miss Samantha because she’s out of town.”

The deejay — who’s been linked with Lindsay Lohan opens up a lot of things in her interview with Harper’s Bazaar. So, will she confirm what’s going on between them? The issue hits newstands on August 19.

Lindsay’s finally dropped the “good girl” act. On a recent trip to Italy, where she attended the Capri Hollywood Film Festival (with the Golden Globes disaster, that’s about the only awards party worth attending), she was spotted making out…not with one… not with two…but with THREE different men. All in 24 hours.

Guess she had a lot of making out — oh, we mean making up — to do.

The first guy, a waiter/musician, said she followed him around and asked him if she could kiss him.  Later, they talked about her problems. “What struck me was her intelligence,” he said. Yeah, and her ass.

She later kissed two actors, and invited the last, a certain Dario Faiella, to her hotel room. The two were spotted early the next morning (Lindsay half-naked) on her balcony.

What’s this we’re hearing that post-rehab Lindsay Lohan is up to her wild child ways again?

According to insiders, La Lohan was seen cozying up to an Italian actor in Italy. Based on the pictures that have been circulating, the scene could be straight out of a soft porn flick, what with the wet kisses, the awkward groping and the cigarettes.

Reports have it that Lohan spent thousands of dollars on alcohol for her friends. It must be a no brainer that Lohan herself partook of the alcohol. No self respecting girl would be caught by cameras doing THAT with a stranger.

Lindsay Lohan’s ex-boyfriend Riley Giles sounds bitter.

After being dumped, he spilled his secrets to Brit tabloid News of the World. “Lindsay’s definitely a nymphomaniac. She’s wild in bed. We’d have sex a couple of times in the day and then go to it through the night,” he said. The first time they did it in the rehab center, he said, they could barely get through the door before tearing each other’s clotes off. After they left the clinic,
the two escaped for a log cabin sexcapade. “We once did it four times in a row straight. That was crazy. Lindsay was insatiable. She’d demand sex again and again. We’d go at it for hours. She’d have worn out most guys.”

He thinks this addiction to sex has replaced Lindsay’s addiction to drugs. “If you have an addictive personality like Lindsay you need [the endorphin rush after orgasm] to replace the highs you got from taking drugs all the time. Sex became a key part of her recovery.”

He also says (with some regret?) that Lindsay has an amazing body. “Her backside is fantastic, perfect, all plump and round.”

Looks like someone will be talking a lot of cold showers.