Yoko Ono — who was put under a lot of media scrutiny when she married John Lennon — has only one advice to Heather Mills: “Try to survive.”

“it’s not very easy for a woman to be associated with The Beatles. I think all the wives did suffer, and I think quietly suffer. Suffer but endured, I would actually say.”

But there’s one difference between Yoko and Heather. Yoko actually loved John Lennon. Heather is a money-hungry, publicity-hungry shrew.

We’d say Paul suffered more than she did.

In a brutally frank assessment of Heather Mills’ case — and character — the judge declared that she was inconsistent, and to some extent, conniving.

He revealed that all her declarations of giving 90% of her income to charity were untrue in fact, all of her income tax returns show none ever went to a good cause), and that her request for “housekeeping expenses” included ridiculous allowances for helicopter rides and horse grooming.

Paul McCartney, on the other hand, revealed himself to be a simple man, who despite his fortune, lived on a modest property. He also admitted that he was still “grieving” for his wife, Linda, who passed away from cancer.

Heather Mills got what she wanted. The courts awarded her a hefty $48.6 million.

Too bad that all that money can’t buy breeding or good taste.

In what’s bound to become one of the ugliest celebrity breakups in history, Paul McCartney and Heather Mills enter their second week of their divorce hearings.

The two are fighting over the settlement and custody over their daughter, Beatrice. Heather Mills wants $100 million. (How ironic that Paul used to say that Heather didn’t marry him for money.)

The gold digger — oh, we mean Heather — has tapped Fiona Shackleton, who was Prince Charles’ lawyer when he divorced the late Princess Diana.

Paul McCartney’s been pretty busy from the looks of it. Ignoring the Ex-From-Hell Heather Mills’ raising ruckus (what’s new?), he’s just been seen on a date with actress
Rosanna Arquette last week.

They were glimpsed taking a walk through the romantic grounds of Kenwood House, one of the historical locaitons in Hampstead — pausing only to kiss in the moonlight. This isn’t their first date, either. The two were also spotted at the James Taylor Concert in New York, with the two cuddling during the song, “How Sweet It Is (to be Loved by You).”

Neither McCartney, Arquette nor their reps wanted to comment. You know what that means!

Heather Mills (aka Paul McCartney’s bitter, gold-digging ex) continues her media rant and calls the world’s rich “misers and snobs.”

So she said to the debating society of Dublin’s Trinity College, adding she only forced herself to fraternize with them because it would help her “raise the level of funds you need to bring about the greater good,” she said.

If rich people are so bad, Heather, why do you want more money from Paul? He offered her $50 million; she wants double that amount.

Heather Mills (aka Paul McCartney’s bitter, gold-digging ex) continues her media rant and calls the world’s rich “misers and snobs.”

So she said to the debating society of Dublin’s Trinity College, adding she only forced herself to fraternize with them because it would help her “raise the level of funds you need to bring about the greater good,” she said.

If rich people are so bad, Heather, why do you want more money from Paul? He offered her $50 million; she wants double that amount.

Heather Mills has already complained of being mocked by the press, but now the fashion industry’s joined in the sniggering. Stella McCartney, Paul’s daughter from an earlier marriage, has expanded her fashion line to include accessories. Her first pendant design? A single, sexy, leg.

It’s a jab against Heather Mills (who’s Stella already described as an “evil stepmother”) who lost her leg in a car accident. Knowing Heather, she’d almost forgive the insult, if she can get a “kick back” on the royalties.

Paul McCartney’s got a new love interest. He and Nancy Shevell, an American who’s Vice President at New England Motor Freight, were seen locking lips.

His reps say they’re just friends, but what’s with all the handholding while walking down windswept beaches, heartfelt conversations over coffee, and buying lingerie gifts? Looks like love to us.

Ex Heather Mills doesn’t care: “He’s a free man!” Go ahead, Nancy. As long as Heather gets her money, you can keep her man.

 Okay, we’ll leave writing the lyrics to you, Paul, but you’re better at writing love songs than picking lovers. In a shocking British TV interview, she broke down and blamed media for “ruining her life and turning it into a prison” and reiterated that she had proof that would ruin him

Oh, we’d believe your “poor wife” bit if you weren’t asking for $100 million dollars and blackmailing to get it. Save it for the judge.