Halle Berry is my soulmate. It probably won’t occur in this life because I stalled out for too long, but we have eternity to work things out. We have the same birthday. We both have two eyes. Finally, we have both have an undying loyalty to the world to always look good no matter what. It’s not an easy task, but the beauty fairies have put us in charge of this task and I know she has yet to fail.

As for myself? I have come close to failing, but I was able to hide in the shadows before anyone could see me. Do I need to wear makeup at times? Of course I do, but that is only because I wear masculine makeup that you buy at the masculine store. The fairies are the only ones with access to these stores so please don’t try to pry the information from me or I lose my beauty card and I really need the money to finish up my Christmas shopping.

The pay is better than writing for this site, but I have to write here for the next two years as were the terms set by the judge for my probation. What was my crime you ask? I killed someone for asking too many questions. You have a picture of Halle Berry up here and down there and all you can think to do is ask me questions. It’s embarrassing to me and it should be humiliating to you.

Go get some face or at least try to save the last pieces of yours that remain.