Here is Eva Mendes in the Russian Elle. I always wondered why they had different versions of magazines and why most of them are ten times better than the American versions. I know we are more prudish in America, but that is no reason to leave us with the boring photo spreads.

In 2010, we need to start a warcry proclaiming our need for sexier photoshoots. For the ladies, show more men laying on unicorns topless. For the men, stop including words in magazines, we just need pictures.

Oh, you want me to talk about Eva? Well she isn't that bad of an actress. I find that I am usually hit or miss with her in movies. 2 Fast, 2 Furious she wasn't that good, while in...damn I can't think of a movie she was good in, but I'm sure one exists. I wonder if you are this good looking do you try to coast on your looks and don't worry about your acting chops, it would make sense.

Life must be hard when you look at it from that perspective. I'm being serious here, you want to be accepted for your abilities, but all people do is stare at your perfectly shaped breasts. What a tough life. They hand you a million dollars just for smiling. I feel so bad for her.

Who am I kidding? She deserves it, but that doesn't mean I have to respect her for it. That money should be mine. I am the one putting in the 28 hour years busting my bum trying to make a penny. When is my luck going to change? Probably when I stop looking like I got beat of the head with a chainsaw.