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Angelina Jolie & James Haven.jpgTwo Angelina Jolie posts in one day?!  I know, I know.  But apparently she’s happier than she’s ever been and that’s damn important, right?  According to Jolie’s brother James Haven Voight with whom she received much attention due to their affinity for open-mouth kissing each other, Angelina is a happy girl.   

Haven & Jolie are very close siblings & it was James who she trusted to watch Maddox & Zahara as she was giving birth to Shiloh.  Haven is ecstatic for Angelina & Maddox has welcomed his new sister into the Jolie-Pitt circle of trust.

Haven stated, “I walked into the room and it was so overwhelming I had to walk out. To see the father, mother, daughter–it was such a beautiful image that it overtook me.”

James said the children “were very, very excited–especially Mad (Maddox), who was very aware of what was happening, that he was about to have another sister.”

After Shiloh was born, Haven brought Maddox to meet his new sister and says he “imitated the way Brad held her just perfectly.

“When we got back to the car, I asked, ‘So what’d you think, Mad?’ He just said, ‘She’s beautiful.'”

“I’ve obviously seen my sister since her first year in this world, and to see her with her three children and Brad, I’ve never seen her happier.”

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At a press conference today in Swakopmund, Namibia, Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt denied rumors that they planed to marry following the birth of their daughter Shiloh Nouvel last month.  Instead the couple insist on concentrating & being committed to raising their three children.  This was the couple’s first public appearance since the birth of their daughter.  And man, has Jolie already lost a ton of baby weight, that bitch.

Jolie stated, “There is nothing in the air. The focus is the kids, and we are obviously extremely committed to the children and as parents together.

“So that kind of says it for us, and to have a ceremony on top of it is nothing.”

Speaking to Namibia natives Pitt said, “We have been able to have a very special, peaceful time for our family here, exploring your country and more importantly helping with the delivery of our daughter Shiloh. So for that we are eternally grateful.”

The Jolie-Pitt tribe are planning to leave Namibia in the coming days after their two month stay in the African country.  I’m seeing a new tourist t-shirt for the area:  ‘My parents went to Namibia (the place where Angelina Jolie gave birth to Brad Pitt’s love child) & all I got was this lousy t-shirt’.

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Paul Reubens’ dream has come true!  Free porn for everyone with indecent exposure welcome!  Actually, the other dream came true.  Pee-Wee’s Playhouse is finally returning to your TV set. 

Cartoon Network’s Adult Swim has acquired all 45 half-hour episodes, along with Pee-Wee’s Playhouse Christmas Special.  Starting July 10, you will be able to see the show Monday-Thursday at 11pm. 

Pee-Wee’s Playhouse has not been aired since the original 1986-1991 run on CBS’s Saturday morning lineup.  Pee-Wee Herman’s alter ego Paul Reubens career plummeted in 1991 when he was famously arrested for indecent exposure in a Florida porn theater.  We’ve come along way since then, with Charlie Sheen receiving just a small slap on the wrist for his many irksome indiscretions. 

“I’d say this was a dream come true, but I never dared to dream the Playhouse would join Adult Swim’s amazing lineup of cool shows!” Reubens said. “Well, maybe I did dream of it a couple of times. OK, it’s a dream come true!”

Pee-Wee’s Playhouse amazed kids & adults alike & won a mouth-gaping 22 Emmys throughout its airing.  I fell in love with Pee-Wee in 1987 & a complete DVD box set was released in 2004. 

Just another reason for me to love Adult Swim.  Alongside Futurama, Family Guy & American Dad, where could you go wrong?  It’s good to have the Pee-Wee back.

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Tom Cruise NASCAR.jpgWell, it looks like Tom Cruise’s ‘religion’ Scientology has its hand in all the cookie jars.  The new jar with the Scientology hand inside is NASCAR. 

The new racing team, dubbed ‘Ignite Your Potential’ (barf!), will tour the NASCAR circuit with driver Kenton Gray.  Thankfully a Dianetics, inspired by the book written by founder L. Ron Hubbard, Racing Website is being set up for fans.  Whew!  I was worried that I wouldn’t be able to share in this new Scientology glory. 

Driver Gray credits Hubbard’s work with making him a good driver saying, “It’s markedly improved my focus and my consistency.  Through ‘Dianetics’ I’ve handled stress and increased my performance and ability to compete—both on the track and in life.”

An unidentified source stated the reason behind the NASCAR move by stating, “Scientology makes a point of recruiting celebrities as a part of it’s marketing appeal.  If this is another marketing appeal — reaching out to the NASCAR crowd — it’s brilliant.”

Yep, aliens & demons usually are pretty smart cats.

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Hallelujah, Hallelujah,
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah!

For the Britney Spears’ omnipotent reigneth!
Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah Hallelujah!

For the Britney Spears has come to her damn senses!
Hallelujah!

According to British reports, Britney Spears has signed preliminary divorce papers.  Poor Kevin Federline is going to the poor house.

The pregnant pop diva allegedly signed legal documents after consulting with lawyers about ending her marriage with K-Fed.  About damn time.  You know one kid, another on the way & an unsuccessful marriage under her belt by 24-years-old is a true feat.

A source told the British press, “It’s a stressful time. Britney has already started seeing lawyers about splitting with Kevin.

“She is serious about it. She knows she has to get things moving.”

We’ve all been suspecting this divorce for awhile, especially since the whole being-kicked-to-the-basement thing.  And with last week’s post on Britney Spears’ website, it was only a matter of time. 

Spears posted a poem entitled ‘Remembrance Of Who I Am’ as well as a photo of her giving the bird on her website last week.  The poem describes Spears feeling tied down in “chains” & poses the question, to Federline supposedly, “How do you stand sleeping at night?”

The heart-felt poem continues with feeling of being “manipulated” and “swallowed” & mentions “the sins of the Father”.

Hopefully, it’s finally over.  We can forever put this K-Fed behind us & look forward to embracing the old & attractive Britney Spears.  I’m thinking she’s going to be hotter than ever with the breakup.  Just look what Nick Lachey & Beck’s albums did after their own heartbreak & disappointments.  Yep, I’m thinking the “I’m Back & Reinvented Tour” should be the title of Spears’ reappearance.

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Scientologist Tom Cruise & his fiancee Katie Holmes have asked American Idol runner-up Katharine McPhee to sing at their wedding. 

Holmes apparently met McPhee at the Los Angeles Church of Scientology (boo!), where the singer was taking courses with her boyfriend (double boo!).  After meeting Katharine, Katie became a fan of the singer & when McPhee lost the Idol crown to Taylor Hicks last week, the couple got in touch and requested her to perform at their wedding ceremony.  

A close friend stated, “Tom and Katie have become Katharine’s biggest fans. They think she’s destined to become a singing legend.”

Tom & Katie are not the only ones showing interest, reportedly Steven Spielberg has set a meeting with McPhee to talk about her future as an actress. 

You know, it’s nice that there are American Idols out there that help boost the talented people to stardom.  It just sucks when the screw it all up with that damn Scientology bit.

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Sofia Coppola Pregnant & Expecting Baby Bump

Sofia Coppola & Thomas Mars.jpgDirector Sofia Coppola is expecting her first child with French rocker boyfriend Thomas Mars.  According to Coppola’s rep she is already three months pregnant.

The blissful couple announced their happy news at Cannes where the director’s latest film, Marie Antoinette premiered & received boos last week. 

The new beau Thomas Mars is not widely known in the US, but his French pop-rock band Phoenix is hoping to spread their fame past Europe.  Sofia tried to give him a leg-up in the States by using his song Too Young for the soundtrack of her acclaimed Lost in Translation.

Sofia Coppola was married for four years to Adaptation director Spike Jonze. The couple divorced in 2003 & had no children together.  You know I thought that would be the perfect marriage- two immensely inventive & intelligent directors living a life of love & creativity-driven bliss.  But I guess Sofia prefers a little more rock ‘n roll in her life.

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Kristin Cavallari.jpgMTV’s Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari is set to take over Jessica Simpson’s role as Daisy Duke in the next Dukes of Hazzard movie.  This is rather interesting since it has been rumored that Cavallari dated Simpson’s estranged hubby Nick Lachey earlier this year.

The film’s producer Bill Gerber is working on a prequel to the Dukes of Hazzard film, can we really call it a film?  Gerber desperately wants to cast Kristin in the role of Daisy Duke, the movie that marked Simpson’s film debut.  Why the hell do I keep calling this made-for-the-masses movie a film? 

Gerber explains, “She’s at the top of the list. I like her innocence and her beauty.  It’s a prequel, like Batman. We’re going for a whole new cast.”

I’m not sure which is more disturbing, the fact that there’s an audience for another damn Dukes of Hazzard or that Gerber thinks Cavallari innocent.

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marie antoinette kirsten dunst cannes sofia coppola 2.jpgFilmmaker Sofia Coppola received many a boos last night when her most recent film, Marie Antoinette, was shown at a press screening at the Cannes Film Festival last night.  But the daring moviemaker has kept her head above the sometimes sticky jeering to remain strong and passionate about her work.

Coppola states, “It’s better to get a reaction, it’s better than a mediocre response.  Hopefully some people will enjoy it. I think it’s not for everybody.” 

Marie Antoinette stars Kirsten Dunst, who also appeared in Coppola’s The Virgin Suicides, & British actor Steve Coogan.  Sofia admits she found the Cannes press screening to be “disappointing”, she insists that she always knew the film would provoke debate. 

Dunst said, “I like the movie and I’m really proud.”

Coogan added, “When you make something that’s personal and specific it’s inevitable that there will be some naysayers, and it’s better to have that than just have a bland uniform response.

“I think it shows that Sofia is true to her voice. I’ve seen the film and it’s consistent with all the qualities that make her films great in the past. People who like Sofia Coppola will love this film. People who don’t won’t but then they’re not really under her radar anyway.”

Marie Antoinette premiers in Cannes this evening.  Hopefully the story of its reception will be less tragic than that of the French Queen. 

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Stephen King2.jpgHorror master Stephen King is an angry, angry man.  King is furious with ABC for scheduling the small-screen adaptation of his latest work, Desperation, at the same time as the American Idol finals.  Yep, that’s about the worst it could get.  You’d would have done better competing with the Olympics, sadly enough.
 
Stephen was dancing over happy rainbows because he was thrilled with the work director Mick Garris did with the TV adaptation of his novel, which stars Ron Pearlman & Annabeth Gish.  Now the poor man is horrified that his baby will be fighting for audiences with Fox’s American Idol finals.   

King has posted on his website, saying, “Those of you who are familiar with the wonderful world of television may have noticed that Desperation–probably the best TV movie to be made from my work–has been scheduled by ABC to run, not just against American Idol, but against the American Idol finals.

“But am I bitter? Hell, yes, I am bitter!

“Those of you who watch will get a gold star. Those of you who don’t, and watch American Idol instead… well, just remember: I have strange powers.”

Strange powers indeed.  When will I get my gold star?

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Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt.jpgStill Waiting:  An Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt Update

While we’re still waiting on pins & needles for the birth of baby Jolie-Pitt, here are some quick Namibia news updates.  Charges against a South African photographer who was arrested for trespassing while trying to snap a photo of pregnant Angelina Jolie & partner Brad Pitt have been dismissed.   A Namibian judge has dismissed the trespassing charges against 48-year-old John Liebenberg who was taken into custody Friday afternoon.

Liebenberg drove into the back of a police station in Walvis Bay, Namibia in search of a vantage point of a nearby hospital. The veteran photojournalist was reacting to a tip that the elusive Jolie had been rushed to there to have her baby.

Liebenberg was released on a warning after being detained for three days.

In other Angelina Jolie / Brad Pitt news, their adopted daughter Zahara has been struck down with a mysterious illness.  The 16-month-old girl has reportedly stopped sleeping properly & cries when she is placed on her back.

According to The Sun, Brad is insisting on taking Zahara to the US for treatment, but the about-to-burst pregnant Angelina wants to stay in Africa until she delivers her baby.

A source states, “Brad is absolutely beside himself. He’s desperate to take Zahara to the US for medical attention. But Angie insists on staying in Africa.

“It has caused a number of fights between them.”

It is thought that Zahara might have a genetic illness, but innumerable tests have yet to reveal any clues.

The source added: “She’s had so many tests, but no one knows what is wrong.”

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Brad Pitt Angelina Jolie.jpgPaparazzi are covering Namibia & pacing the ground like a herd of wild gray elephants with exploding cameras.  Any minute or any day now Angelina Jolie will squeeze out her & Brad Pitt’s baby.  
 
Today, May 18th, is the due date but there is no sign as of yet that the little darling has arrived.  A local newspaper quoted sources who said Jolie would be giving birth within the next two days, possibly opting for a home birth with a private jet on standby.

“Jolie… is expected to go into labor in the next 48 hours,” a local newspaper reported,  under the headline “Jolie-Pitt baby expected shortly.” 

In the most anticipated birth since Jesus, paparazzi and Namibian locals alike are anxiously awaiting the birth of the Jolie-Pitt child.  Someone really should bring them over some frankincense & myrrh.  Maybe that’s what my gift basket will be….

However, some Namibia locals are frustrated with the whole situation and the trampling of privacy.  

“I think it is such a big fuss, I couldn’t give a damn to be quite honest. I feel sorry for them, they should just be left alone,” said Ingrid Wheal, a local shop owner. 

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Ron Howard.jpgWell, the press have been released from their cages & the word on the street is The Da Vinci Code, the Ron Howard-produced film, sucks.  You know what I’m thinking is the reason?  Tom Hanks’ laughable hairdo, what the hell is he thinking with that recessed mop?

Howard screened his Da Vinci Code for the press at the Cannes film festival Tuesday night.  Critics apparently laughed their way through the full-length feature film, it’s the hair- I promise & received no applause, unless you count the crickets chirping.  Poor Opie.  Check out the review below: 

The Da Vinci Code drew lukewarm praise, shrugs of indifference, some jeering laughter and a few derisive jabs Tuesday from arguably the world’s toughest movie crowd: critics at the Cannes Film Festival. {Yahoo! News}
 
Even at two and a half hours, director Ron Howard’s adaptation feels cursory and rushed….[Tom Hanks] seems to have borrowed Rick Springfield’s haircut, circa “Jessie’s Girl,” and that’s his most distinctive personality trait. As sturdy and versatile an actor as Hanks can be, he can’t work miracles when he’s got nothing to work with. {NYP}
 
Opening the annual Cannes film festival, Ron Howard’s adaptation of the Dan Brown bestseller was described variously as “grim,” “unwieldy” and “plodding.” {Yahoo! News}
 
Ron Howard and screenwriter Akiva Goldsman have conspired to drain any sense of fun out of the melodrama, leaving expectant audiences with an oppressively talky film that isn’t exactly dull, but comes as close to it as one could imagine with such provocative material… {Variety}
 
“The feeling moved quickly from one of great anticipation to one of, shockingly, great boredom…instead of the film building to a white knuckle conclusion, it was the audience fidgeting as Da Vinci passed the two-hour mark and unveiled the first of its half-dozen endings…by the time the big climactic moment of the film finally arrived, the audience burst out laughing, as if this were yet another classic bit of Tom Hanks comedy. As the credits rolled, not a single bit of applause was heard.” {Film Stew}
 
Da Vinci’s over-reliance on exposition drew jeers on several occasions toward the end of the screening and even prompted a few walkouts as it faithfully went through the motions of translating Brown’s elaborate puzzler of a book to the big screen. {E!}

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Halle Berry Hints at ‘X-Men’ 4

Halle Berry Storm X-Men.jpgX-Men hottie Halle Berry has hinted at a fourth installment of the popular X-Men movies.  There may be more to come after the third film hits screens this summer, because fans are jonesing for more.

X-Men: The Last Stand was supposed to be, as indicated by the ‘Last Stand’ part, the final film of the sci-fi series but Berry is teasing us with more if fans will support a fourth or even tenth film.

Former Bond girl Berry is so taken with her role as ‘Storm’ that she would drop all future film plans to concentrate her efforts on any sequels to the sequel to the sequel to the sequel. 

Halle states, “There’s no real significant talk about it but I think if this one did well it would warrant a four. I’m sure the studio would be thinking that the franchise isn’t dead and people love X-Men and want to see another one and I think they would (do another one).

“I would (do it) as long as I could. I’ve got some projects now that should keep me busy for the next two or three years if I’m lucky. It’s a franchise that I love and a character that I love and now that I have a voice in the movie I really love it. If another great X-Men (film) came along I could probably change my plans.”

I’m looking forward to X-Men 27:  The Last Stand, We Promise.

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Tom Cruise has lost.  What has he lost?  Well- his dignity, his mind, Nicole Kidman is no longer a Scientologist and Katie, I mean Kate, Holmes looks a little blue these days.  But Mr. Cruise has also lost his battle to stop a certain episode of South Park from being shown in the UK.

The “Trapped in a Closet” episode mocks Scientology beliefs and shows a cartoony version of Cruise who locks himself in Stan’s closet while under the impression that the born again L. Ron Hubbard sees him as a failure. 

On Monday the much-fought-over episode was shown at London’s National Film Theatre.  The show was originally take off the air by British TV network Channel 4 in January due to complaints.

An event planner stated, “If we were charging there may have been legal problems, but it was a free event, so it should be fine.” 
 
During the free screening at the theatre, creators Matt Stone & Trey Parker gave a brief talk about free speech and handed out free copies of “Trapped in a Closet”.

I like the way Matt & Trey work it.  Destroy & humiliate your enemy through open discussion and information, and then pass out the copies in the millions.

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Richard Hatch Survivor.jpgSo, it’s going to be a different brand of surviving when Survivor winner Richard Hatch, or as Letterman calls him, ‘the fat, naked guy’, enters jail for his 51-month term.  Hatch, who won $1 million in the debut season of the show, was sentenced Tuesday for failing to pay taxes.  Oops!
 
The 45-year-old Hatch was convicted in January of failing to pay income tax on his reality TV prize monies as well as other unidentified earnings.

The charges against Richard Hatch carried up to 13 years in prison.  When he was convicted in January UD District Judge Ernest Torres said he expected to sentence him somewhere between 33 & 41 months.  After the sentencing Torres stated that he issued a harsher sentence because Hatch had committed perjury repeatedly through the trial and that Hatch never gave him a chance before voting him off the island.

Judge Torres said, “It seems unfortunately very clear to me that Mr. Hatch lied.”

Hatch made his won statement before receiving his sentencing, “I believe I’ve been completely truthful and completely forthcoming throughout the entire process.”

Hatch’s defense during the trial was that he thought Survivor’s producers would be paying his taxes & pleaded ignorance about money matters, stating that he forgot to tell his accountants about some income.   

Hmmm, I don’t think Richard Hatch is a big enough celebrity to go with that approach, he’s no Pete Doherty.  Should have been straight up at the front, received a 12 month sentence then signed a contract for a ‘Surviving Jail with Richard Hatch’ reality TV special series.

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Angelina Jolie Brad Pitt Jennifer Aniston.jpg 

According to Brad Pitt’s little brother Doug, 39, Brad is irritated that his mother Jane is still keeping in touch with his ex-wife Jennifer Aniston. 

Doug tells Star magazine that momma Jane speaks to Aniston on the phone at least once a week even though it’s been 18 months since the couple split in January 2005.  I dunno, seems like a hard thing to do to just quit Jennifer cold turkey, there could be major psychological consequences to this action. 

Doug says, “Brad is not happy about Mom talking to Jennifer.”

“He feels that Mom should move on now, and cut the link that was there. But she is in a difficult position–she has great affection for Jennifer–born out of the fact Brad once loved her and did marry her.”

Brad Pitt swiftly moved on to a new relationship with Angelina Jolie and is now a father to adopted children Maddox & Zahara.  The wave-making couple are expecting their first biological child together at anytime. 

I wonder if Jen sent Jane a Mother’s Day card…….

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Eva Longoria #1 Maxim Hottie, Again

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Desperate Housewives Eva Longoria has scored again.  Longoria remains the number one hottie in Maxim’s annual Hot 100 list for the second year running.
 
Maxim’s list names the most beautiful & successful women in film, TV, music, sports & fashion, or as they put it, those who have “a tremendous amount of buzz surrounding them, undeniable beauty and a promise of greater things to come.”

Eva Longoria is the very first to receive the top hottie spot back-to-back. Which either means she’s the sexiest woman around or the girl knows her way around a bribe.     

Longoria was ecstatic with the honor saying, “I was actually really shocked last year when I made the list and then to get it a second time in a row–I just couldn’t believe it.”

Here’s a sneak peak at the top ten Maxim hotties:

Notable omissions on this year’s list include Britney Spears- gee, I wonder why; new mom & Scientologist in-training Katie Holmes; Jennifer Lopez- if your husband grabs himself more than he does you, I think you get the boot & Salma Hayek- she’ll always be in my top ten.

Longoria’s Desperate Housewives co-stars Nicollette Sheridan & Teri Hatcher also made the list with Sheridan at #48 & Hatcher weighing in at #73.

Longoria adds, “I would have voted all of our Housewives on the list.”  Eva’s thought process on that one- “I would make Nicollette #99 & that evil bitch Teri at #100.”

Eva states that her beau Tony Parker is thrilled with the top hottie news, “He’s very proud. He thinks he’s with a beautiful girl every day, so for him, it’s you know, someone else solidifying what he already thinks.”

Sure, like a mirror or a set of eyeballs wasn’t enough.

Take a detailed peak at the full list here.

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Denise Richards.jpgIn a hilarious new turn of events, Denise Richards has launched thrown another blow at the estranged husband Charlie Sheen.  Richards has begun development of a kids’ clothing line, one month after Sheen debuted his own collection of kidswear.  Maybe the new Richards’ line should be called ‘KickAssWear’.
 
It’s funny isn’t it, the crazy couple are now taking their fight to the shopping malls and boutiques of America where their clothing lines will bitterly compete in the oh so lucrative children’s clothing market.

Bad boy Charlie launched his Sheen Kidz last month, we just love to play around with those letter ‘z’s, while Denise has announced she is launching ‘Kidtoure’ this summer.  I think I still like KickAssWear. 

Kidtoure will feature applique t-shirts for young girls and will be carried by posh little stores like Barney’s New York.  Charlie & Denise’s children Sam, 2, & Lola, 11 month, have already been spotted sporting their mommy’s tie-dyed collection of t-shirts. 

Maybe next they will take their battle to the streets, I’m thinking of a clothing line for pimps & sex workers.  It could be called ‘I Just Might Kill You Wear by Charlie & Denise’.

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