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Posts Tagged ‘Tiger Woods’

Tiger Woods Tries For Normalcy, Tweets About His Holiday

Tiger Woods Twitter Message

Tiger Woods in the last 12 months has gone from a life of seclusion with almost a 100% media blackout to starting his new life as a Tweeting celebrity.

After a day of eating traditional thanksgiving food, including Pumpkin and Apple pie, Woods tweeted his workout to his followers:

Hope everyone had a great thanksgiving. I just finished a pretty tough cardio session this morning because of all the apple and pumpkin pie.

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Devon St. James Is Shopping A Tiger Woods Sex Tape

Tiger Woods Sex Tape

Adult film star Devon St. James wants the world to see Tiger Woods in action, she probably also wants a ton of money which is why she’s really shopping around a rumored sex tape of sex acts she performed with Tiger Woods.

According to St. James she has over an hour of video footage of her time spent with Woods back in 2004. Currently the porn star is in talks with Vivid Entertainment and is demanding a minimum payment of at least $392,900 for 62-minutes of video, that’s a little over $6,000/minute.

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Elin Nordegren “People Magazine” Issue Sells 2 Million Copies

Elin Nordegren People Magazine

Elin Nordegren gave her first interview since the Tiger Woods sex scandal broke and it went over huge, with People Magazine reporting 2 million copies sold, that’s nearly 600,000 more copies than their 1.4 million average.

How popular was the interview? Editors raised the cost per copy and then printed extra copies, the last time they did that was for the Angelina Jolie and Brad Pitt cover back in August 2008, that issue sold 2.5 million copies.

According to PopEater:

“Everyone at People will be popping the champagne this morning. Early numbers show that Elin sold around 2 million copies, way up from its average of 1.4 million, yet not quite the 2.5 million Angelina sold.” Read the rest of this entry »



Elin Nordegren Finally Opens Up About Divorce

Elin Nordegren - People Magazine

Elin Nordegren recently spoke with People Magazine and revealed her feelings about the entire Tiger Woods sex scandal.

Nordegren first spoke about her large settlement, telling People:

“Money doesn’t make you happy, but I have to be honest, it is making some things easier….” Read the rest of this entry »



Tiger Woods Divorce Is Finalized, Bring On The Hookers

Tiger Woods It’s official, the next time Tiger Woods sleeps with a hooker it probably won’t cost him $100 million (unless he gets her pregnant). That’s the rumored amount in assets Woods is paying to Elin Nordegren now that their divorce has been finalized.

Elin, 30 and Tiger, 34, were both in Bay Country Circuit Court in Florida on Monday to witness as their 6-year long marriage was dissolved.

According to the law firm of McGuireWoods:

“Elin Nordegren and Tiger Woods confirmed today that they have divorced. Judgment was entered today in Bay County (Florida) Circuit Court dissolving the marriage,” adding, “The judgment provides for shared parenting of their two children”

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Tiger Woods Isn’t The Baby Daddy Of Devon James’ Child

Tiger Woods - Devon James A recently discovered DNA test is pointing to a definitive no that Tiger Woods is not in fact the father of Devon James’ child.

TMZ found the DNA test courtesy of James’ mother, the test was taken in 2002 and shows another man, Pele Watkins is almost certainly (with 99.99% accuracy) the father of her child.

If that isn’t enough, Devon James received notification of the DNA test from her doctor’s office in 2002, which means she has known for 8 years that Tiger Woods is not the babies dad.

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Celebrific Lowdown — May 22, 2010

The news of Megan Fox not returning for Transformers 3 only came out a few days ago, but she’s already been replaced with Rosie Huntington-Whiteley. Never heard of Rosie, but she’s a very sultry young Victoria’s Secret model and current GF of Jason Statham. I’m guessing Rosie isn’t going to make as much as Megan, but I doubt Michael Bay will take HuffPo writer Lee Stranahan’s advice to put the difference in salaries into a benefits and retirement fund for visual artists — i.e., the real reason, says Lee, for why the Transformers franchise has done so well. Well I haven’t seen Transformers and am in no rush to, but Lee is probably right. Why else are all these movies based on toys doing so well?

So Tiger Woods is potentially about to pay his Elin Nordegren $750M in their divorce settlement, to keep quiet — and could lose any custody of his kids, who’ll probably live in Europe far away from him — and what does he do? He goes out with some mystery blonde. (No, nobody has any photos; just be happy we’re telling you any of this, so you can stay informed.) Dude, I’d be crying in my pitcher of vodka and really fruity juices. Wait, did I say that? I guess maybe old Tiger just has an addiction for cat. Meow. Purr. What would you expect if you name your kid Tiger? And what is he trying to hide? $750M is a lot of hush money.

Hey you might be a star, but that doesn’t mean the rules should be different for you. James Franco found that out when he was chewed out by his college professor for sending text messages during a lecture. Tsk tsk, James.

I’m guessing Jesse James is getting ready to stalk be closer to Sandra Bullock in hopes of getting her back little baby Louis Bardo, whom he and Sandra adopted as a couple. He’s auctioning off a bunch of rare pre-WW II bikes and some hand painted coffins. He’s eyeing moving to Austin, and I guess he’s broke and needs the money. Yes, Austin, where Sandra moved to to presumably get away from him. Apparently an US Weekly source says Jesse wants to lead a very quiet life and get back to a normal routine. What they left off their comment was that being a douchebag seems to have been part of his normal routine in the past.



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Tiger Woods’ Wife Elin Nordegren Wants $750M?!

Whoa! Who knew golf could make you a billionaire. When I was a kind playing golf with my dad (who used to make me carry his golf bag, to make me a man, as he put it), even the top golfers were never worth more than low double digits millions. But Tiger Woods is just one of those athletes (are golfers really athletes?) who changed everything. Honestly, it isn’t the golf winnings per se that made him a billionaire, it had to be the endorsements.

Oh, you didn’t know Tiger was a billionaire? Rachel Uchitel did, I’m thinking (but she’s not Tiger’s wife, so maybe that’s why she only got $10M?). And his wife did, judging by the fact that she’s expecting $750M in their pending divorce settlement. And full custody. And she has so far refused to sign a confidentiality clause, so she could potentially write a book and profit off of that.

All I can say is Tiger, I hope Uchitel and the neighbor’s daughter were worth losing a beautiful wife, kids, $750M and a lot of endorsements. Do you know how many Top Flight golf balls you could buy with that much money? I don’t either but I know it’s a lot. Well at least you didn’t cheat with her twin sister.



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Celebrific Lowdown – May 18, 2010

Shia LaBeouf is a fool, making negative comments about two recent films he’s been in: namely Transformers 2 and Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull. His comments disparaged both films in a way that suggests he’s gotten an inflated head. Hey Shia, do you know Katherine Heigl, another notorious motormouth who didn’t know when to shut up a couple of years ago, and put down some of the projects she was with, including Gray’s Anatomy?

Lindsay Lohan may think she’s okay as far as her traffic/ alcohol education classes, but apparently she’s been falling down in Cannes — claiming she’s clumsy and does that a lot — while getting around on the arm of some young man.

Um, this is a surprise why? Apparently Tiger Woods and wife Elin Nordegren, who are about to divorce, are no longer talking to each other. I’m wondering how many more marriages Itchypuss can ruin.

Word now is that not only was Jonathan Rhys Myers behaving badly when he got banned from flying United Airlines, but he was throwing around the N-word. Seriously, do actors just get really stupid and have a loose tongue when drunk, or are there still so many racists in the entertainment industry? Shame on you.



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Celebrific Lowdown – May 17, 2010

In the “fake plastic women you probably don’t want to see naked” dept, Rachel Itchypuss Uchitel will be au naturel for Playboy. Well in her case, au naturel means her plastic fantastic suit, thanks to a few surgeries. Itchypuss is the skank starf*cker mini-celebrity who reportedly conned Tiger Woods out of $10M for sleeping with him. (Tiger, buddy, a hooker would have cost you less and possibly have been more attractive.) That was actually Itchypuss’ sequel appearance in “How to Ruin a Celebrity Marriage.” Despite denials from Itchypuss, text message records show that she had a thing going with Bones’ David Boreanaz, who admitted cheating on wife Jamie Bergman, but who was smart enough to not pay her anything — yet. [Via TMZ]

After the recent floods that destroyed parts of Tennessee and two neighboring states, a number of musicians put on a flood relief telethon with performances and donations of their own. Brad Paisley and his wife Kimberly Williams-Paisley put in $100K, and the total take was $1.7M. But 20 year-old country music singer Taylor Swift had previously donated $500K of her own money. Well, that makes for about $2.2M, which is barely a dent in the $1B or more that cleanup and repair might cost. Maybe Itchypuss will contribute some of Tiger’s her $10M and whatever Playboy pays her.

Olsen Twin Ashley and boyfriend Justin Bartha (Hangover) are reported safe after a JFK flight to LaLaLand made an emergency landing due to an electrical fire and cracked windshield.

Sorry ladies, but if you haven’t and were hoping to hookup with Supernatural hunk Jensen Ackles, who plays the big brother Dean Winchester in one of the best “supernatural” TV shows ever, it’s too late. He and One Tree Hill actress Danneel Harris got hitched in Dallas over the weekend. The two costarred in the comedy Ten Inch Hero back in 20907.



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Elin to Divorce Tiger Woods

It’s been said that highly successful men tend to have very high sex drives, and it appears that Tiger Woods is no different, considering his World Kitty Tour with pretty much any woman in his path, including a neighbor’s daughter. But given what an attractive woman his wife Elin Nordegren is, it makes you wonder what was going on in their marriage.

Men cheat on their significant other probably for two main reasons, and “because he can” seems only to be a mask for “because he’s insecure and needs validation… and because he can easily get it”. (If that’s the case with Tiger, he obviously didn’t get validation considering how many women he supposedly cheated on Elin with.) The other reason is that there’s something lacking in the marriage in the first place, possibly a sexual relationship. Or maybe there’s a third reason and Tiger’s just a sex addict.

I have no idea what the situation is with Tiger and Elin because I tried to avoid reading about it, but it does seem that despite Tiger’s serial infidelity, Elin tried to make things work, taking therapy sessions together and more. But it seems she’s finally reached the end of her forgiveness rope and wants a divorce. They have already been meeting with their lawyers, and they’re apparently to trying to get the divorce done on the down-low. But Elin apparently wants to move to Sweden with their kids, and Tiger has hired a custody guru. Great, so the kids get to be part of a custody tug-of-war.

The video below is a reminder to Tiger of what he’s going to miss out on. Seriously, Tiger, what were you thinking? No way Rachel Uchitel even comes close to Elin.



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Tiger’s Advert Parody

It’s only been days since Nike’s new Tiger Woods advertisement was launched, and it’s already gaining heavy media attention. Whether or not people approve of the advert, the points still go to Nike. Frankly, I’m getting sick of people discussing and overanalyzing it.

Instead, let’s go for something light, such as this parody by our crazy friends at Funny Or Die.

So far it’s been getting more “funny” over “die” ratings. What do you think?

I must give shout-outs to the guys behind this parody—Derek Reid as Tiger, writer Andy Harris, graphic dude Jeff Stein, and producer Jim Harmon. Good job, boys!



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Tiger’s New Advert

Here’s one brand that isn’t ditching the shamed golfer. Nike shot a new TV advertisement in the 34-year-old’s golf course in Florida. Being the first TV commercial since Tiger’s scandal last year, the advert has received mixed reactions.

Shot in black and white, the dream-like advert shows a pensive-looking Tiger listening to the voice of his late father Earl Woods. “Tiger, I am more prone to be inquisitive, to promote discussion. I want to find out what your thinking was. I want to find out what your feelings are. And did you learn anything?” Earl asks as the camera slowly zooms in on Tiger.

Some people find the ad a bit creepy and bizarre, while others find it nostalgic. Tiger’s father passed away in 2006, and it was a very difficult period in his life.

Watch the 30-second advert below.

What do you think? Was the idea effective for endorsing Nike?



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Tiger Woods Is Back In Business

Putting last year’s scandals behind him, golfer Tiger Woods headed back to the greens this month for the US Masters at Augusta, Georgia.

Tiger Woods

(c) Getty

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Guess Who’s Gonna Be In South Park?

The world’s number one golfer, Tiger Woods, is the new target of animation sitcom South Park.

Tiger Woods on South Park

(c) Comedy Central

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Tiger Is Out Of The Woods

Tiger Woods Jogging Near Home In Orlando

He has kept out of the public eye since his accident and alleged string of affairs that exploded all over the news last November. Now Tiger Woods has come out of hiding. He was spotted jogging with a friend last Wednesday near his home in Orlando, Florida. With a team of security around him, he also played a little golf before helicopters swarming over his town prompted the golfer to retreat.

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Love Children, Sex Tapes and Some Golf Dude

128997810570001704.jpg

photo via Cheezburger

Hell, there is no point in me trying to lead you in on this one. Here ya go…

A disgraced Tiger Woods is terrified that the worst news is yet to come – that he fathered love children with his mistresses! And his many liaisons may have been caught on tape!

The golf great had wild unprotected sex with a string of mistresses, sources tell The ENQUIRER- and now he fears claims that his out-of-control sexual proclivities may have produced children.

To make matters even worse, the 33-year-old sports star is reportedly worried that a lurid sex tape could appear and wreck his desperate attempts to cling onto the wreckage of his marriage to beauty and ex-model Elin Nordegren who has just bought a $2 million mansion in her native Sweden as a fail-safe escape house in case the marriage disintegrates.

National Enquirer

This is where I come in and crack some subtle jokes, make you laugh and ask why I haven’t received a Pulitzer yet, but not this time. No, for once I am going to take the serious side of things and ask myself what in the hell drives the world’s richest man to do things that drop his fortune by 90% in the span of a month? There is no female part worth that much. I figured there was no reason to bang my head against the desk when I could just go to Tiger and ask him myself what the deal was.

So Tiger, after all these women show up claiming that you have had sex with them, are there anymore people you are still looking to bang?

tiger-woods.png

You are ridiculous man. Find a new hobby.



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Tiger Breaks Record On The First 9 Hoes

Holly Sampson

This is starting to get out of hand. A report by US Magazine states that 9 women have come out to claim they have had sex with Tiger since his marriage. One being a pornstar. Since this is all turning into a joke I have decided to make a game of it myself and predict what the final tally of women will be before the December 20th deadline (that is a random deadline). I’m going with 17.

He will fall one hole short of completing the course and play will be suspended due to bad weather.

Get this, the cow pictured above is the alleged pornstar that had a relationship with Tiger Woods, her name is Holly Sampson. Although she has come out and made these claims, she has no comment on the matter according to her attorney. How that makes any sense is beyond me, I am just a simple man who wishes nothing more that for peace on Earth.

If he hadn’t crashed that car this would’ve never happened. This is why George Jetson has yet to be caught. Can’t crash a hovercroft into a fire hydrant.



The Tiger Woods Voicemail Slow Jam Remix

It’s Friday night. You are trying to woo your honey. You get her home. You light the candles. You get the oils out. Damn, you have no music! Don’t worry because Celebrific has your back on this one. Just play this Tiger Woods Voicemail Slow Jam Remix and she will be dropping her panties faster than the Dow Jones.

Produced by the cool cats over at It’s a Half Day Today. This might be in the running for YouTube video of the year, especially since I can’t remember the past 5,000 I saw in 2009.

Excuse me while I go and take a cold shower.



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