Let’s face it. If you or I acted in real life like Simon Cowell does on TV, we’d probably get punched in the face, not get paid mega-millions like he gets. Oh wait, I do act like him, and I even get paid for it — though nowhere nearly as much as he does. But here’s a surprise (yeah, like people as intelligent as you and I didn’t know this already): Simon suffers from depression. Has so for a very long time, depending on whom you believe (what, you don’t trust me?). No, say it ain’t so! Good old cheerful Simon? Who would have guessed? He always seems so happy about life and friendly to boot.

Gee I hope my sarcasm isn’t lost on you. Cowell probably isn’t the only celeb to suffer from depression. My fairly extensive experience in interacting with creative types suggests that they have a lot of self-doubt, so I wouldn’t be surprised if a lot more celebs suffer from depression as well. But they don’t go around acting like a-holes, making people feel like crap, and getting paid for it. Oh wait, they often do. Ok, never mind. Oh, and whadda ya want bet that good old cheerful, kind Dr. Phil suffers similar ailments?

Anyway, as for the suggestion that Simon is bored by American Idol, are you really truly surprised? I mean, there really are a lot untalented people on the show. It hurts my brain to watch a single episode, at least during the beginning of any given season. In fact, all my sarcasm aside, this is probably why Simon is such a jerk to so many American Idol hopefuls. Apparently he was pretty blunt to Oprah about being bored and leaving American Idol. His replacement hasn’t been named yet and doesn’t want to be replaced with another Ellen (the suggestion being she doesn’t know much about music).