Boy George was able to plea bargain his case last week regarding his arrest last year on a cocaine charge.  He agreed to enter a drug rehabilitation program and perform community service.  So, when you see the inmates off the interstate picking up litter, say a hello to George.

The former pop star, who’s real name is George O’Dowd, entered his guilty plea to third-degree false reporting if an incident in Manhattan Criminal Court.  Under the deal, O’Dowd will enter a drug program in England and perform five days (only five?) of community service in Manhattan.  He will pay a $1,000 fine and must avoid being nabbed by the coppers for the next six months.

“I am relived and happy that this case has been disposed of, and I would like to thank the judge, the district attorney and my attorney, Lou Freeman, for the fair and speedy way it was dealt with,” O’Dowd stated.  “I love New York, and I am looking forward to coming back and working in the states later this year (as a male prostitute).”

Hmmmm…. What ways can we think of for Georgie boy’s community service?  How about he has to burn all of the Culture Club albums?  Or he has to eat Kate Moss, an easy digestive task?  Or he has to officially break up TomKat- a true community service?  No matter what the Boy has to do, I’m sure it will not be as humiliating as it should be for all the musical irritation he has caused the world.

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According to Chanel’s company head designer, Karl Lagerfeld, druggie Kate Moss is expected to reunite with the French firm.  Chanel famously dumped the catwalk queen last year for her nose being involved in a less fortunate purpose, snorting cocaine. 

Lagerfeld states, “I think she will be more successful than ever.  Chanel will sign her.  She is born to survive.” 

I rather see Kate Moss’ campaign as, ‘Kate Moss.  Born to be with charlie.’

Kate made news of another sort last week with ex-boyfriend Pete Doherty.  If ever there was an example of a true punk rocker, it’s Pete Doherty.  Erratic behavior, constantly in trouble with the law & causing a ruckus and, as always, sex and drugs.

After Doherty left court last Thursday after another appearance on drug charges, the 26-year-old Baby Shambles frontman ran to his gold Jaguar from the Thames Magistrates’ Court in east London.  Surrounded by photographers, fans & on-lookers, Doherty used a  felt-tip pen to scrawl “I love Kate 4 eva” on the windshield.  He also wrote “QPR” in a tribute to his favorite European football team, Queens Park Rangers, before he drove off into the London traffic with horn blaring.

What a sweetie.  If I was Kate, I would instantly take the boy back, after all- he did remember to write her name before his favorite football team, right?  Ole Kate is the perfect mate for Pete, don’t ya think?  Both a little bit crazy and always with their nose in the white stuff. 

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It looks like hunky David Hasselhoff is in for some rocky divorce waters with his estranged wife, Pamela Bach.  On January 13, 2006, Hasselhoff announced his filing for divorce from Bach after 16 years of marriage, citing “irreconcilable differences”. His publicist has stated that the couple has agreed to an amicable settlement. However, on March 9, 2006 Bach accused Hasselhoff of violent behavior towards her.

This week Bach petitioned a Los Angeles Superior Court for a temporary restraining order against the Baywatch star.  She stated that he had “roughed her up” on at least one occasion and felt the move was necessary for her safety.  Oh, what drama.

This was the second marriage (& failed marriage) for Hasselhoff, hew was previously hitched to actress Catherine Hickland from 1984 to 1989.  I say this to David, the whole country of Germany loves you and desires you- move there and live in polygamy harmony.

As far as the restraining order goes, I would have done it years ago, Pamela.  A guy who poses nude with Shar Pei puppies, has at least a screw or two loose.

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Harrison Ford, 63 & Calista Flockhart , 41 have been a couple for over four years.  Where did all the time go?  I remember when we first read about this handsome, if not vast age difference, duo.  Why, it seems it was just yesterday…… Well, rumors and whispers abound that the couple may well be on the road to tie that final knot, this would be the third marriage for Ford, the first for Flockhart. 

According to the weekly publication In Touch, Ford hid a two-carat diamond engagement ring in a bakery bag, so the actress would find it as she reached inside for her croissant.  Ahh, how sweet.  I’m not sure what surprises me most- the fact that they are finally going to take action on the marriage front or that Calista actually eats, a strong gust of wind would send the poor thing sailing away with Ford hastefully trying to catch her.   

A source told In Touch, “When Calista reached in the bag she found a gorgeous two-carat diamond from Tiffany’s.” Flockhart’s publicists insist the engagement story is false and that the couple are not planning to marry any time soon.  If I were Calista I’d get on the ball, I’m not sure how long 63-year-old Ford is going to be able to keep himself above ground.  {Source}   

 

Hooray!  A life has been spared, we no longer need to kill Madonna if she ever acts in another movie!  No more Shanghai Surprise, Swept Away or Body of Evidence!  Hooray!  I’m doing the ‘We Don’t Have to Kill Madonna’ jig!  Zippedy doo!  She has saved us all the trouble!

The pop superstar explains the recent save-you-career move, “What film can survive people saying it’s going to be a bomb from the second it’s announced?”

Well, at least she’s a realist.  She goes on to say, ” Making movies is such an effort,  And to do that over and over again, with the possibility that I am going to get the shit kicked out of me- and they really enjoy doing it- I mean, it doesn’t make sense.  I have to sort of let it go.”

I think she knew that her life was going to come to a sudden end if she indeed made another movie; that hernia was just a little taste of what she had coming. 

Madonna also made news this week by that silly stuff that kids say.  The April edition of Out magazine reports that Madonna’s nine-year-old daughter Lourdes recently asked her mother if she was gay.

“(Lourdes) is really obsesses with who is gay,” Madonna told Out.  ” And she even asked, ‘Mom, you know they say that you are gay?’  And I’m, ‘Oh, do they?  Why?’  And she says, ‘Because you kissed Britney Spears.’”

“And I said, ‘No, it just means I kissed Britney Spears.  I am the mommy pop star and she is the baby pop star.  And I am kissing her to pass my energy on to her.’” 

And I am the barfing blogger and you are the barfing blogger receiver.  And I am spilling my cookies for you, to pass on this load of crap.

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The rumors have been confirmed.  Jennifer Love Hewitt loves Ross McCall.  During the Oscars post-show parties on Sunday, Hewitt revealed her date to be her boyfriend, Scottish actor Ross McCall. 

You know McCall from Band of Brothers as the sensitive Cpl. Joseph Liebgott.  Apparently Hewitt fell head over heels when he recently appeared as a guest on her hit TV drama Ghost Whisperer.  And now he’s whispering about more than ghosts into that pretty little ear of hers.  From the actress who has dated a Hollywood variety from actors Joey Lawrence (Woah!), Will Friedle, Carson Daly & That 70s Show’s Wilmer Valderrama, I’m interested to see how long she keeps this one.

A new little tid bit about Hewitt, she was recently left stranded by a “ginormous” man.  While at a gas station off trendy Robertson Boulevard, she gave a gas attendant $40 to fill up her Mini Copper’s tank.  it looks like the large gentleman pocketed the money and gave Hewitt the signal that she was ready to go. 

Here she is, “I gave him $40 and I drove away.  It never dawned on me to check he’d actually put gas in the car.  He pocketed my $40, never put gas in the car and I get to Roberston, the one street filled with paparazzi and I’m like, ‘Oh, it’s not going… This is not funny.’”

Hewitt proceeded to get out and push her Mini down the street (a taste of real life for the star) while several people offered their help and the paparazzi-studded street came to life.  There was an up-beat dancing number where Hewitt stripped down to a yellow sequined leotard with silver finge, camera flashes popping and Hewitt piroutting over cars.  Ross McCall enters, sweeps Hewitt into a sexy, sweet kiss, brushes the worries and fears from her face & gives the bad boy gas attendant a firm talking to.  It was fabulous, wish you could have seen it too.

Hewitt insists she will not be returning to the gas station where she was cheated.   She adds, “He was a ginormous man, what was he going to do?  He was not going to feel sorry for me.”

Who knew she could dance so well?

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Crazy lady actress Sean Young is at it again.  The usually unemployed actress caused mayhem at the Vanity Fair Oscar party when she snuck into the invitation only / non-crazy people celebration tucked behind Jennifer Aniston’s arrival. 

Young, 46, followed closely behind Anniston as she arrived at the event.  She skipped past photographers, dashed inside and sparked a mad frenzy with event organizers upon the realization that batty Young had entered their Young-free safe zone. 

Security refused to let anyone else inside the party until the Blade Runner actress was found.  Through barking organizers yelling into headphones and security guards wrangling the stray into a Scooby Doo style net, Young was apprehended and thrown out the back door. 

Damn, that’s hard on a girl, but this is really no ordinary female.  She was sued by creepy guy James Woods for stalking him in 1990 after their film work together in The Boost, I feel certain I could come up with a better person to stalk.  My favorite Sean Young antic is when she paraded around Hollywood in a catsuit unsuccessfully lobbying for the part of Catwoman in Batman Returns. 

All in all Sean Young keeps it real, although maybe a little bit too real, as Dave Chappell puts it.  If you have some time, please check out Young’s hilariously sad yet entertaining personal site. 

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Hollywood.com did this fantastic ‘Top Ten’ list for the week.  Take a peek. 

1. 24 star Elisha Cuthbert, for taking a risk. The sexy star will play a quadriplegic in William H. Macy’s new movie He Was a Quiet Man.

2. The Los Angeles-based Bad Cinema Society, for good taste. The group named Alone in the Dark Worst Film of the Year. Son of the Mask, meanwhile, picked up the most dishonors, taking home five Stinkers, including a Worst Actor gong for Jamie Kennedy.

3. Scrubs star Zach Braff, for following up. Braff will direct, co-star, adapt and produce a remake of the Danish film Open Hearts, a romantic drama about two people who fall in love after a car accident.

4. Coca-Cola, for marketing a new and much-needed drink. The soft drink giant will unveil its new soft drink, Coca-Cola Blak, during the Oscar pre-show on Sunday. The new beverage, a combination of Coke and coffee, is scheduled to hit grocery store shelves this spring.

5. The racial drama Crash, for sacrilege. The film won an award as the Most Profane Film of the Year from the conservative movie watchdog group Family Media Guide. According to the organization, the film contains 182 expletives, 62 incidents of violence and 16 incidences containing sexual content.

6. Canned West Wing star Rob Lowe, for getting his comeuppance. Lowe is returning to NBC’s political drama for the series finale–to ensure the TV show ends on a high.

7. Wedding Crasher star Vince Vaughn, for breaking into the $20 million club.Vaughn will cement his leading man status with a $20 million paycheck for his starring role in upcoming holiday comedy Fred Claus.

8. Movie moguls Bob and Harvey Weinstein, for their hearts of cinematic gold. The brothers are auctioning off thousands of props and wardrobe items from their most famous films on online auction sites eBay.com and PremiereProps.com to raise money for the Weinstein’s Max Family Foundation and the Entertainment Industry Foundation.

9. “Brokeback,” for its linguistic powers. The non-profit group Global Language Monitor has placed “Brokeback” at the top of its annual Hollywood words and phrases list.

10. Salma Hayek, 50 Cent, Tom Hanks, Bono and Brad Pitt, for their contribution to AIDS awareness. The five stars are going to wear white clothing and matching wristbands, and click their fingers to mark the people dying of AIDS every three seconds for a new Internet and print ad for awareness Web site One.org.

The fray over Jessica Alba’s Playboy cover continues; Susan Storm herself is battling the Playboy tides.  Playboy’s Sex and Music Issue that hit stands this month features a bikini-ed Alba on the front cover, despite pleas to keep her out of the men’s magazine. 

Alba threatened legal action after Playboy bosses put her on the cover & claiming they implied she was naked inside.  The born again Christian insists the powers-that-be ignored her pleas not to appear in the issue. 

She explains, “They asked me to do it and I said no, and then they offered to pay and I said no and then they went behind my back and I just don’t think it’s right.  It’s not the mark I want to make in this business.” 

That mark is for your other business, eh?  OK, when you can type your name, this case being ‘Jessica Alba’, into the Google image search and come back with close to 10 nearly naked photos, I don’t think you’re allowed to complain when Playboy puts you on the cover in a bikini. 

 

 

Immediately following the release of the March issue Alba states, “Then I got a call from my father”.  Who said, “Damn, girl! You’re lookin’ hot and I was half of that damn equation.  That must make me half-hot. Wait until I show the guys at Wednesday night poker!”

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I can’t tell if Paris is just a news whore, or if I’m becoming the Paris Hilton News Update Central.  I’m fairly certain it’s going to fall to the former.

In a move Joseph McCarthy himself would be proud of, Vanity Fair’s editor Graydon Carter has blacklisted our little socialite and vyer of Charlize Theron roles, Paris Hilton.  Paris was banned from attending the much sought after, invitation only post-Oscar Vanity Fair party. 

The party’s guest list this year was at a mere 500 with Madonna, Teri Hatcher, Jennifer Anniston, Nicole Kidman, Heath Ledger, Joaquin Phoenix & Jennifer Lopez in attendance.  The festivities were held at Morton’s Restaurant in Beverly Hills. 

In an almost Mrs. Dalloway approach Graydon, a complicated man in his own right stated, “Paris who?  She will never attend one of the parties I host.” 

I like the sound of that, “Paris, who?”

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THE FIGHT OF THE HEIRESSES:  Paris Hilton is set to spend the month of September in court where she is to answer the charges of slandering Greek actress Zeta Graff.  The hotel heiress & leg-spreader stands accused of spreading “vicious lies” about 34-year-old Graff.

Graff filed suit against Hilton last year claiming that the reality TV starlett fabricated a fight with Graff in a London nightclub.  The Greek actress’s case was strengthened during a reposition in December when Hilton’s ex-publicist (she has a lot of exes, doesn’t she?) Rob Shuter admitted he had planted a news item with the New York Post’s gossip column per Hilton’s request.

Diamond heiress Graff states she will win the case saying, “Hilton will learn a valuable lesson about what happens when you try to ruin another person’s reputation.  I look forward to her explaining all of this to the jury.  And I look forward to watching her pretty, American face screaming in agony as the horses gain speed against the ropes tied around her small, little insignificant limbs as she is quartered.  Ha ha ha ha ha (evil laughter emanating from Greek vocal cords).”

So, I might have embellished a wee bit, but I think they both had it coming to them.  Is this really the fate of our legal system as we know it, to be time-wasted by petty little bitches?

Come now, that’s fairly silly.

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Well, the Oscars have come and gone and we can only look forward to the 79th annual Academy Awards as well as the lasting fashion impressions seen on the red carpet Sunday evening.

Long-legged beauty Charlize Theron surprised us all by wearing a big-bowed Christian Dior which really didn’t optimize her statuesque figure. You know, if I had the world and pretty much endless cash at my disposal, I think I would have gone with something that would have made me look a little less like a Disney character. She also, as always, decked it out with Chopard earrings.

Keira Knightley was looking smashing in a one-shouldered Vera Wang with Bulgari necklace. The charming British actress is at once alluring and mischievous.

Ahhh, Maggie Gyllenhaal always gets my goat, she’s such a cutie. Jake’s big sis, seen here with Peter Sarsgaard, chose Bottega Veneta as her Oscar night dress. With pockets! Finally a good place to hide your stash at upscale events! She’s such a peach. A delicious, juicy, plump and ready to eat, peach. Oh, excuse me. I forgot you were still there. Well, can you blame me? Did you see Secretary?

Would it be an Oscars celebration without Queen Latifah? I don’t think so. Here is the queen herself in Carmen Marc Valvo with Chopard as a jeweled sidekick. The woman who will be in just about any movie, like a counterpart Dennis Hopper, lit up the night with black ruffled love.

The man who would be ugly and always scraggly looking, Paul pass-me-the-Pinot Giamatti went with a traditional tux by Hugo Boss. My question, who is the large and in charge buxom woman tucked around the Cinderella Man actor? Shake your money-makers, shake those pillowy money-makers!

Hilary Swank did better this year with a swanky Versace. But where are her boobs? Did she loose them on the way to the red carpet event? Did she feel sorry for the less fortunate and donate them to Maggie G? Where are they? Are we going to get a ransom note from Dolly Parton saying that she will digest them unless we let her take over Italy? I’m just saying, where the hell did they go?

Ah, J Lo. The flavor of umm, two years ago? She went for a classier look with a vintage gown from Rita Watnick at City et Cie. I can’t believe we’re not seeing any crotch or barely any cleavage. Maybe J Lo is turning over a much needed leaf. Oh yeah, she marries & humps anything in sight. Gosh, did you see her doing it with that African spotted wolf?

Sandra Bullock and Keanu Reeves look like they would rather cop a feel from a bird flu infected rabid cat than stand too close to each other. Jeez, did Bullock’s new hubby, Monster Garage’s Jesse James, make Sandra swear she would never touch another biker? Sandra is stylin, though not in the hair department, with an Angel Sanchez dress- pockets are in this year! Reeves is sporting a Giorgio Armani, although I was hoping for just leather chaps- weren’t you?

“Frank. let me see that invitation list, dammit! Who the hell added Gary Busey?” I’m fairly certain it happened just that way. Why else would crazy-man Busey be at the Oscars except an invitation mishap?

Oh, Jennifer. You cannot help but look like a sweet, charming young lady. Damn that bastard Brad and his blood-fiend Angelina. Damn them! Anniston looks innocent and lovely in a Rochas with Bulgari jewels.

Umm, make your very interesting and creative movies, Tim Burton & Helen Bonham-Carter, but maybe leave the special effects at home? Did we go back to the 80′s and I wasn’t informed? Well, surf’s up everyone and we’re riding Helen’s hair.

Jennifer Garner does look ravishing in a Michael Kors number. I’d have to say she looks top ten. A lovely piece, both of them.

OK, OK. I know who you want. Jessica Alba delights our fancies with a Versace dress that looks fantastic on this beauty star. She delights my eyes with her loveliness, my ears with her laughter and my thoughts with…….well, that might be enough for now.

Well, it was a star-studded and fashion-savvy evening and I feel a better person for it, or I’m going to end it now over a high mountaintop because I shall never see the likes of Versace on me. I guess I’ll content myself to continue to live vicariously through Hilary Swank. “Excuse me. Excuse me, Sir. Have you seen my boobs? It appears as if I’ve lost them somewhere along the way.”

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RAZZIE Founder John Wilson holds up the envelope revealing 2005′s “winner,” Jenny McCarthy‘s lame little “romantic comedy” DIRTY LOVE. DIRTY was also dis-honored for Worst Actress, (written by McCarthy) and Worst Director (McCarthy’s soon-to-be-ex husband John Asher). In introducing the clip from this film, Wilson referred to DIRTY LOVE as “the bastard child that might have resulted had John Derek, the RAZZIE “Winning” Write/Director of BOLERO and Tom Green, the RAZZIE “winning” writer director of FREDDY GOT FINGERED spent a winter together tending sheep on BROKEBACK MOUNTAIN.”The 26th annual Golden Raspberry Awards has their ceremony Saturday and it looks like everyone is sick of TomKat. The Golden Raspberry Awards were created by John Wilson in 1980, intended to compliment the Academy Awards by honoring the worst acting, screenwriting, songwriting, directing and films that were offered that year. Awards are voted upon by the membership of the Golden Raspberry Award Foundation (GRAF). Traditionally nominations are announced one day before the Oscar nominations and presented one day before the Oscar pomp & ceremonies.

A raspberry is a plant that produces a tart, sweet, red composite fruit in late summer or early autumn. In the irreverent sense, as used by the GRAF, the term means “blowing a raspberry” or a Bronx cheer & means to make a noise made to signify derision, made by sticking out the tongue between the lips and blowing to make a sound reminiscent of flatulence. In the terminology of phonetics, this sound does not appear to have an official name, but might be characterized as a labiolingual trill. So, it’s basically the fart award.

This year’s Golden Raspberry Awards winners were no less entertaining than last year. The worst picture fell to Jenny McCarthy’s masterpiece Dirty Love for which she starred and held the title of writer. Worst Actor went to Rob Schneider in Deuce Bigalow: European Gigolo, which as far as I am concerned, should continually be a Golden Raspberry nominee. Jenny McCarthy won again for Worst Actress in Dirty Love, with Paris Hilton taking Worst Supporting Actress for House of Wax.

The Golden Raspberry Awards added a new category this year, Saluting the Celebs We’re All Sick & Tired Of. And guess who won! No, not Brad & Angelina. Or J Lo and who she married this week. It was Cruise & Holmes. I just can’t believe it was TomKat! Who is sick & tired of hearing about the sweet & charming love Tom Cruise and Katie Holmes share in a beautiful love cocoon? Am I the only one who lavishes in hearing the latest pregnant kicks, sonogram news, kisses in the dark or PDA at funerals?

Chin up, TomKat, you’ll always be tops to me.

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The only surprising event for Oscar night 2006 was Crash receiving the award for Best Motion Picture over the highly anticipated nominee Brokeback Mountain as well as the fact that I made it to the toilet to puke and I didn’t fall asleep this year.   

Here’s a little breakdown of the highlights:

• Best Actor:  Philip Seymour Hoffman in Capote
• Best Supporting Actor:  George Clooney in Syriana
• Best Actress:  Reese Witherspoon in Walk the Line
• Best Supporting Actress:  Rachel Weisz in The Contant Gardener
• Best Animated Film:  Wallace & Gromit in the Curse of the Were-Rabbit
• Best Foreign Language Film:  “Tsotsi”
• Best Motion Picture:  Crash

For a more detailed and full account of the winners and nominees, please see http://www.oscars.org/78academyawards/nomswins.html.

John Stewart was a welcome and refreshing host of the annual event, although I’m still left pondering why he accepted this role.  In a very Daily Show approach, he broke the endless movie montages (did anyone else want to go to sleep?) with campy advertisements for the nominees.  In one advertisement the scene is set by an elderly, white married couple sitting at the kitchen table discussing the fact that Best Actress should be awarded to a nominee with an American name like Reese Witherspoon, not by the likes of folks named Felcity, Keira or Charlize.  Pretty cute stuff and it looks like the faux advertisement paid off for Witherspoon.

I almost didn’t make it to the bathroom with my projectile vomit after hearing Reese Witherspoon’s acceptance speech.  “I’m just trying to matter, and live a good life.”  It’s almost too sweet, but then you realize you are not only listening to the star of Legally Blonde, but also Legally Blonde II.  But Reese will cut you, so I better watch what I say.

And speaking of which, did anyone happen to catch that John Stewart scientology joke?  I can just see Tom Cruise now looking around the audience to see who laughed and adding those names to his ‘I’m going to get you, sucker’ little black book.

My highlights:

• My heart went out to the shaking, stammering elderly actress Lauren Bacall.  I’m pretty sure the preemptive movie montage spared her more embarrassment.  I won’t be surprised if I read she overdosed on pills after that performance.  I think she has reached the totaled-out phase of her acting career.
• Morgan Freeman is the man.  He can trip over words, stumble into a wall- but the 68-year-old actor can pull off seasoned gray hair, a pair of earrings, and an oxford shirt with a tuxedo.  I pay homage to this man.
• I’m not sure who decided to make Frances McDormand, Joel Cohen’s wife, look homeless.  But they did a good number on her.  Perhaps the North County role went a little too far into her psyche.

Lesson to be learned from the 78th annual Academy Awards:  Go to the movies, dammit and leave the DVD’s for uncaring, insensitive, cheap and lack-of-character assholes.

Stay tuned for the 26th annual Golden Raspberry Award Winners post.

 

 

 

 

 

A renewed interest into Eddie Murphy’s indiscretions have occupied headlines this week.  His soon-to-be ex-wife, Nicole Mitchell, filed for divorce March of last year citing “irreconcilable differences” and they are now in the thick of divorce negotiations.  Making Eddie the most nervous and scared black man in America.  He is terrified that his 1997 transvestite prostitute encounter might breach their prenuptial agreement. 

You know let’s go back to the reasons why for a minute.  When is it not “irreconcilable differences”?  Why can’t we get a little “Man likes the transvestite dick” going for us?  Just a little honesty in the divorce proceedings would make it so much more interesting.  For instance Jessica Simpson could state, “Nick has no dick.  He sleeps with pretty dolls and has no balls.  He wears silky pink bows, isn’t interested in hoes.”  Who else knew that Dr. Seuss’s birthday was yesterday? 

So with Eddie’s erotic fetishes back in the news, I think it’s high time we revisit the Atisone Kenneth Seiuli era. 

In the early hours of May 2, 1997, Murphy was driving his wife’s SUV down Santa Monica Boulevard in West Hollywood, an area known for homosexual prostitutes. Murphy pulled over, and a transvestite hooker named Atisone Kenneth Seiuli (“call me Shalomar”) got in. They drove off together, but didn’t get far before there was a burst of siren, and Murphy was pulled over by a Los Angeles Sheriff’s Department squad car. 

Was there an order for two pairs of handcuffs?  No, the cops were star-struck. They spent half an hour talking amiably with Murphy, warning him about the neighborhood and perhaps getting his autograph before shaking his hand and letting him go. Seiuli, though, was arrested on an outstanding warrant for violating probation on an earlier prostitution charge.

And as quick as Seiuli could post bail, the story was in the tabloids and on Entertainment Tonight. According to Seiuli, in their brief conversation in the vehicle, Murphy had put two hundred-dollar bills on her leg, and “asked me if I did this for a living, being a transsexual prostitute. I said yes.

“Eddie said, ‘Do you like to wear lingerie?’ I said yes. He said, ‘Can I see you in lingerie?’ I told him, ‘Whenever I have the time.’ He said, ‘I’ll make the time.’ “Then he asked me, ‘What type of sex do you like?’ I said I was into everything.” Or at least, that was Seiuli’s story.

Murphy’s version was, not surprisingly, not the same. “I’m married with three children. I’m not going to be out there screwing hookers off the street or anything like that. I’m just being a nice guy… I was being a good Samaritan. It’s not the first hooker I’ve helped out. I’ve seen hookers on corners… and I’ll pull over… and they’ll go, ‘Oh you’re Eddie Murphy, oh my God,’ and I’ll empty my wallet out to help.”

The next weekend, Saturday Night Live aired a sketch titled, “Good Samaritan Eddie Murphy,” with Tim Meadows as Murphy, transporting transsexuals throughout metropolitan Los Angeles, out of the goodness of his heart.  I wish I could have been there for that one. 

Now that we’re back up-to-date, let’s see Nicole Mitchell’s reaction last month regarding the Atisone Kenneth Seiuli era, “He told me there was this person on the corner crying, so he stopped to help.  But I’m thinking, ‘Well, why the hell did you let them get into the car?’” 

Good samaritan Eddie.  Hmmm…  Do you remember the livid statements by Spike Lee saying that Eddie never helped break black actors into the Hollywood scene?  Hmmm…  Makes you think that that kind of guy wouldn’t really get beyond himself just to help a hooker out.  But that’s just me.  The streets are safe for hookers as long as Good Samaritan Eddie trolls the night. 

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Six weeks after television cameras captured the scene, actress Scarlett Johansson says she was “sort of shocked” when designer Isaac Mizrahi’s groped her breast at the Golden Globes red carpet.

“It was definitely in poor taste,” said Johansson, speaking about her reaction publicly for the first time.

“I’d been prepping for two hours with hair and makeup and getting dressed. And the first interview I do, someone who I have never met before fondles me for his own satisfaction”- and ours as well, Scarlett.

Johansson was wearing a clingy, low-cut gown that made the most of her ample bust line when Mizrahi made his move.

“Mostly, I was thinking, ‘Oh, my god. This is happening on live TV.’ I don’t think he got a huge thrill out it. He was making some shocking show or whatever for his channel and wanted to be different and racy and all of those things,” she said.

“When it happened, I think I actually said, ‘What the heck is going on?’ At the same time, people made a huge deal out of something that, in the moment, was not as exciting as it seemed afterward.”

The starlet Scarlett isn’t buying Mizrahi’s explanation that he was just a designer trying to figure out how her dress was made.  “I’m sure he was very fascinated by that — like he doesn’t know how a dress works,” she said.

“I’m not mad at him,” she said. “I think he’s a guy that’s starting his TV career and he’s making a bit of an exciting moment for himself. I can’t be angry at him. Surely he is thrilled with the press and the attention it’s getting.”

“I get stalked by these people with giant cameras all the time when I’m doing my shopping or walking my dog,” she said. “I think it’s disgusting. Any picture you see in a magazine that is a candid is a complete and total invasion of my privacy. I think it has to do with this whole obsession with tabloid news.”

Johansson said she leads “a very private life” and tries to maintain a low profile.

“People will tell you that you gave up your private life when you decide to become an actor,” she said. “I’m not out there to publicize my private life. I try to avoid any situation where I might be harassed or followed.”

That doesn’t mean she will avoid Mizrahi in the future — though the question will be moot Sunday: She isn’t going to the Oscars. Nor did she alert her managers to screen future contact with him or other interviewers.

“I can take care of myself,” she said. “I’m from New York.”

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It appears as if Titanic director James Cameron is a seafarer, he is just drawn to the waters of beauty and despair.  He will be heading back to the sea in his next movie project, The Dive. 

This film will tell the true tale of legendary free-divers and lovers, Francisco ‘Pipin’ Ferraras and his wife, the late Audrey Mestre.  In 2002 Mestre died attempting to beat her own world record.  The famous and admired couple participated in the dangerous and controversial sport of free-diving, which is a competition to see who can dive the deepest underwater on a single breath of air. 

The movie will begin shooting as soon as Cameron wraps up his latest film, tentatively titled, Project 880.

You think there’s a happy ending?

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Under the sea
Under the sea
When the sardine
Begin the beguine
It’s music to me
What do they got? A lot of sand
We got a hot crustacean band
Each little clam here
know how to jam here
Under the sea
Each little slug here
Cuttin’ a rug here
Under the sea
Each little snail here
Know how to wail here
That’s why it’s hotter
Under the water
Ya we in luck here
Down in the muck here
Under the sea
 

Are you ready for the first-ever rap performance and first-ever broadcasted ‘bitches’ at the Academy Awards?  At the request of the Academy & ABC the authors, Three 6 Mafia, of Best Song nominee “It’s Hard Out There for a Pimp” from the film Hustle and Flow will be performing a less offensive version of the song for the red carpet-ridden awards night. 

Here’s a little taste: 

“You know it’s hard out here for a pimp (you ain’t knowin)
When he tryin to get this money for the rent (you ain’t knowin)
For the Cadillacs and gas money spent (you ain’t knowin)
Because a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain’t knowin)
Will have a whole lot of bitches talkin shit (you ain’t knowin)

Man it seems like I’m duckin dodgin bullets everyday
Niggaz hatin on me cause I got, hoes on the tray
But I gotta stay paid, gotta stay above water
Couldn’t keep up with my hoes, that’s when shit got harder
North Memphis where I’m from, I’m 7th Street bound
Where niggaz all the time end up lost and never found”

 
The song portrays the life of a hustler in the inner city of Memphis, Tennessee.  Three 6 Mafia and Taraji P. Henson will be performing the song at Sunday night’s festivities.  Although many lyric changes have been made a spokesman for Gil Cates, the producer of the Oscars telecast, confirmed that the word “bitches” was not one of them.  So if we can only get Janet Jackson to bare both breasts, if will be a night to remember.  But I’m just a bitch talkin shit.

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I bet you can’t guess who’s in the news again.  Looks like being a celeb isn’t what it used to be.  Two Las Vegas clubs have been put on notice for allowing Paris Hilton‘s boyfriend – for now- Stavros Niarchos into their establishments on New Year’s Eve.

Apparently he has a really bad stench about him that cockroaches everywhere follow.  So letting Stavros into your club is like sending an invitation to the cockroach nation. 

 

 

No, really he is only an underage 19-year-old boy toy that is not legally allowed into 21+ clubs.  The two Vegas clubs, Tao Asian Bistro in The Venetian & Body English at the Hard Rock Hotel, received warning letters last month from the Clark County License Department after investigators determined that Niarchos was given access to the clubs.

A security guard caught on tape escorting the couple into the club was fired and the doorman who did not ask for ID was suspended.  Jeez, you’re screwed on both ends- let Paris & boy in, you’re fired OR eject Paris & boy, you have a vindictive, famous, angry Hilton on your hands.  Hmmm… which one is worse?  Unemployment or hell-on-earth?  I suppose they did make the right decision. 

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