Performancing Metrics


Vanessa Paradis Picture Corner


The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:  Brad Pitt & his anxious sperm 

Gossip or Truth:  Jay-Z has some disturbing messages 

I’m Not Obsessed:  Jessica Simpson close-up pictures, kinda scary-beware

Mollygood:  Hilarious Pamela Anderson nip slip 

PopSugar:  Catherine Zeta Jones gets dumped by T-Mobile

Yeeeah:  Britney Spears axes publicist

Bastardly:  Mischa Barton looks pretty cute

Glitterati Gossip:  Lindsay Lohan lacks style

Egotastic:  Who let Posh Beckham out of her cage?


Not only is Johnny Depp getting married to his longtime girlfriend Vanessa Paradis, his is marrying his Sweeney Todd vocal coach.

The Pirates of the Caribbean actor has to pass a singing test to land a part in Tim Burton’s new film Sweeney Todd, after all the work they have done together I don’t think he’ll have a problem.  Do you?

The bosses of the new film have allowed Depp’s longtime love Paradis to be his singing coach so he does not have to leave his beloved southern France home to take lessons in L.A.  Vanessa enjoyed a pop career in the 80s and is ready for the job.

A source stated, “He is over the moon Vanessa can train him in the studio at their converted barn.”

Johnny will be playing the demonic hairdresser Sweeny Todd, who butchers his clients and uses their remains as fillings for pie.  Sounds very Tim Burton.

As reported earlier, Johnny Depp & Vanessa Paradis are to be married sometime in the near future, and we here at Celebrific will keep you posted on all the juicy details.


Orlando Bloom & Penelope Cruz Dating?


Penelope Cruz is such a beautiful & classy woman, which is why her dating partners have always surprised me:  Tom Cruise, Matthew McConaughey & now possibly Orlando Bloom.

On Saturday, Penelope & Orlando were spotted at the L.A. hot spot Hyde dancing to the oldie but goodie song “Run Around Sue”.  Later that evening it is reported that Bloom affectionately kissed Cruz’s hand.  I guess since Kate Bosworth is out of the picture, for now, game on.

Tuesday the two were spotted again at club Hyde, but spent more time apart than with each other.  Let’s keep an eye on these two & see where this is going.


Paris & Nikki Hilton Milan Sighting Pictures



Socialite sisters Paris & Nikki Hilton were spotted in Milan at the Armani Cafffe Thursday.

The Hilton sisters look just as lovely as always, especially since Paris isn’t drunk & having her private goods exposed to the world at large.

Paris seems to be going for a Barbie look, while we’re going jungle with Nikki.



Jared Leto on Being Fat


Jared Leto recently gave an interview to Sirius Satellite Radio about gaining 62 pounds for a film role.  34-year-old Leto, the 30 Seconds to Mars frontman, played John Lennon’s assassinator David Chapman in the movie Chapter 27.  Here he is now.

Sirius:  Someone told me that the music is more important to you [than films], and that’s the priority.
Leto:  I don’t make a lot of films, because – I’m very picky #1; and we’re very involved with the band…we’re having a tremendous amount of success right now with 30 Seconds to Mars, but, January and February, I made a movie [called Chapter 27] and I gained 62 pounds for it.
Sirius:  Did you feel lethargic and miserable that way, and you couldn’t wait to lose it?
Leto:  Yes.
Sirius:  Is there a healthy way to gain weight?
Leto:  No. You cannot do it. You know, I don’t eat meat, so I would eat a large Dominoes pizza, every night for dinner. And then, it actually wasn’t any fun. Some people think ‘oh it was enjoyable’, but I was force feeding myself to such an extent that I would throw up in the back of my throat every day. My body was falling apart, and it was just really bad.
Sirius: Was it weird for your self-esteem to see yourself getting out of shape and not being you?
Leto:  It didn’t mess with my self esteem because I knew it was work. And I looked at it like climbing Mount Everest, or whatever a huge challenge would be for somebody, so I focused on that. But it did change the way people treated me…there was some funny situations where a very powerful person ran into me, and they looked at me, and they were like “Oh, You’ve just grown up, haven’t you?” (laughs)
8 days after I was done with the film, I fasted for 10 days, and I got right back on the road with 30 Seconds To Mars.

Wow.  62 pounds is a lot of twinkies….


Pregnant Amanda Peet to Marry David Benioff this Weekend


Pregs actress Amanda Peet has confirmed that she & her fiance David Benioff will tie the knot this weekend.  The pregnant Studio 60 star will marry screenwriter Benioff in a small ceremony sometime over the weekend.

Wednesday Peet made an appearance on The Late Show with David Letterman and confirmed that she is four months’ pregnant (OMG, she is so huge!) and talked a bit abour breaking the news to her Studio 60 cast members.

Peet reveals, “I was a little nervous to break the news to everyone, but the thing that fascinates them the most, I think, is just — they’ve taken to calling me ‘fatty.’”
“That’s just not right,” Letterman interjected.
34-year-old Peet Replied, “I think it’s really funny.  [Studio 60 creator] Aaron Sorkin is convinced I have a five year old in here or twins or something.

“All they do is call me fatty and whenever I’m not on set they’re like, ‘Check craft services – she’s probably over stuffing herself again.’”

Peet said that she & Benioff will have a small wedding ceremony before about 140 guests.
“It’s a big week, Peet stated. “I have been having recurring nightmares about not the ceremony, but the party. There sort of adolescent fears of just being lame, of having a lame party.”
Just what are Amanda’s nightmares?  “I go to the bathroom and I come back to the party and everyone’s gone. Except for some everyone’s dispersed there’s a few distant uncles of David’s left. And another one where the band just didn’t show up so everyone got board. And I was begging musicians that I know to just ‘Play! Play something!’”
Poor, pregnant Amanda.  I’m sure no one will leave her wedding, maybe she has an issue with these uncles?



larry-birkhead-9-28-2006.jpgWell, who is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s newborn daughter Dannie Lynn Hope?  Anna Nicole’s lawyer & longtime friend Howard K. Stern stated on Larry King Live that he is the proud father of the little one, but ex-love interest photojournalist Larry Birkhead is claiming paternity. 

Birkhead is demanding a DNA test to prove who the father actually is, he has already stated that he plans to fight for custody of the child.

Larry posted on his website, “I AM THE PROUD FATHER… The whole thing is laughable. It was obvious that even Larry King didn’t believe what Howard K. Stern was saying.”

Birkhead also revealed to Us Weekly magazine, “I have asked for a DNA test and I welcome it.”

Although there is no word as of yet who the actual father is, Birkhead stated, “I am in good spirits this morning because I know I am the father of the child.

“I look forward to having a relationship with my new daughter.”

Either Larry Birkhead is a loon or the father, or a loony father.  What do you think?


Jessica Simpson London Pictures




Jessica Simpson & her sheer dress were spotted leaving Mr. Chow in London Tuesday.

Jessica was in town seeing sister Ashlee’s Chiacago musical performance.

Despite the luggage bag & army boots, the blonde star looks lovely.  What do you think about the sheer?


Pete Doherty Still an Addict (Surprise) Poor Kate Moss

pete-kate-9-28-2006.jpgWell, you knew it was bound to happen, don’t act so surprised.  Babyshambles frontman Pete Doherty just got out of the Priory rehab center & it looks like it didn’t help at all.

The Sun reports,

“He emerged on Monday looking healthier than I have ever seen him. But yesterday he was seen visiting a chemist in Dublin to buy two hypodermic needles. Pete was staying at the city’s Morrison Hotel with girlfriend Kate Moss. The supermodel joined him on his sell-out Irish tour, which ends tonight at the Heineken Festival in Waterford.

But yesterday lunchtime, before a gig, he left Kate’s side to sneak out and buy his secret package. At 12.05pm he walked into Health Express chemist in Millenium Ways, Dublin, on his own. Wearing a scruffy white T-shirt and black suit, he left minutes later putting a bag containing two syringes into his top pocket.

Oh, Pete.  What are you doing to yourself & your talent?  We know you don’t have diabetes.  Kate Moss- I hope you have some damn sense & aren’t going to marry this sack of needles.



Naomi Campbell Blames Media for Missing Court


Superfreak Naomi Campbell has blamed the media for missing court Wednesday to face second-degree assault charges.  Campbell faces assault charges for hurling her Blackberry at her former housekeeper’s head.  Oops.

As posted yesterday, the presiding judge has threatened to arrest the model if she cannot make it to the next court date.
“She is absolutely obligated to appear at the next court date or the law will go into effect. A bench warrant will be issued,” a very annoyed Judge James Gibbons spat at Naomi’s defense attorney David Breitbart.
“The press is all over this girl,” Breitbart countered.

“There are over 100 cameramen outside this courthouse.”
“They have a right to be here,” replied Judge Gibbons.
Outside the court, Breitbart told the media, “She has a right to privacy.”

Superfreak Campbell’s case has been to November 15, let’s see what other excuses she can come up with.

I like, “Judge Amy reruns are on, I can’t possibly make it today.”



The Screech Dustin Diamond Porn Sex Tape

dustin-diamond-9-28-2006.jpgWell, folks.  I think we may have seen it all now.  From Pamela Anderson & Tommy Lee to Colin Farrell & Playboy bunny Nicole Narain, to Paris Hilton sex tape & that nasty Kid Rock porn, we have had our share of celebrity porn.

But you’ve been waiting a long time, I know, to see Saved By the Bell’s Dustin Diamond starring in a porn.  And the wait is now over, the wait is now over.

Our beloved Screech will be starring in his very own personal sex video to be released at some point in the near future, deliberations are still underway.

According to reports, Screech filmed himself having a threesome with two young ladies (no, not Kelly & Jessie).  The authenticity of the sex tape has been confirmed by agent David Hans Schmidt.

Diamond’s manager, Roger Paul stated, “I haven’t seen the tape.”

“I’ve heard rumors. Dustin has been trying to escape the Screech typecast. So this may help me get more bookings.”

That’s great.  Well maybe Screech will be able to pay some of those bills he was panhandling for.  But really, do you know what I think?  I think a Saved By the Bell porn would be the best idea.  Get Zach, Slater, Jessie, Kelly, Screech, Lisa & maybe even Principal Richard Belding involved.  It would be the king of celebrity porn.  Someone get on that.



Kathy Griffin Removes Husband & Tattoo




Comedian Kathy Griffin now joins the ranks (Angelina Jolie, Johnny Depp) of those who have had to remove tattoos after the end of a relationship.

The 45-year-old who recently divorced from her husband of five years, Matt Moline, has removed both husband & tattoo.  Instead of getting rings when the two once lovebirds married, they tattooed the rings instead.  Seemed reasonable at first, but it looks like this marriage wasn’t the forever kind.

When asked about her wedding ring tattoo, Griffin stated, “I had it lasered off today.”



Johnny Depp Picture Corner


The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:  Charlize Theron & her wedgie

Gossip or Truth: Prison Break coverage

I’m Not Obsessed:  Scarlett Johansson & Natalie Portman working together, could any other dreams come true today?

Mollygood:  Ashlee Simpson does Chicago video 

PopSugar:  Click UK premiere

Yeeeah:  Mischa Barton has redeemed herself, fashion-wise that is

Bastardly:  Rachel Bilson does CS

Glitterati Gossip:  Heather Mills is a greedy little girl

Egotastic:  Jessica Simpson is a tard


Simon Cowell: Clay Aiken is an Idiot


American Idol judge Simon Cowell can’t stand Clay Aiken, and we here at Celebrific can understand his point.

When asked about Aiken’s admission that he took anti-depressants to help him deal with fame, true-to-form Cowell stated, “Oh give me a break. Let me have a choice, I’m going to work in a coal mine for 14 hours a day or I’m going to be a runner-up on ‘American Idol.’ Give me a break, idiot.”

Simon always says it best, or more forward anyway.

Thanks to PopSugar for the pics.

lindsay-harry-9-28-2006.jpgHard Rock Cafe heir & Taco Pink owner Harry Morton just wants to take things slow with Lindsay Lohan.  After reports of their alleged engagement, the poor boy is feeling the media pressure hard. 

Harry speaks out, “We’re just sort of taking a little breather right now and slowing things down.”

He adds, “A lot of people started saying we’re engaged and it put a lot of pressure on things. We need a little space… I’m a very private person. I’m sure she (Lohan) has dealt with it (publicity) for years but it puts a lot of pressure on me.”

Too true, too true.  But just go ahead & admit it, Harry.  You were in over your head & Lindsay scares you a bit, she does us too.


Drugs Did Kill Anna Nicole Smith’s Son Daniel Wayne

anna-nicole-drugs-daniel-9-28-2006.jpgAccording to pathologist Cyril Wecht Anna Nicole Smith’s 20-year-old son Daniel Wayne died from a lethal combination of methadone, Zoloft & Lexapro.

Wecht was hired by Smith to conduct a second autopsy on her son & the results from the toxicology tests were revealed yesterday.

Both Zoloft & Lexapro are antidepressants, while methadone is used to treat heroin addiction.

Daniel died September 10 in his mother’s hospital room while he was visiting her in the Bahamas after she gave birth to a baby girl named Dannie Lynn Hope.

In a revelation, Smith’s longtime lawyer & confidant Howard K. Stern revealed Tuesday that he is the father of the baby girl, although earlier reports had said photographer Larry Birkhead owned that responsibility.


Johnny Depp & Vanessa Paradis Wedding News

johnny-depp-paradis-9-28-20056.jpgRumors of Johnny Depp marrying his longtime love, French popstar & actress Vanessa Paradis abound.

Johnny had originally quipped that he did not want to marry his sweetheart, because he did not want to ruin her name- Paradis translates to ‘Paradise’ in French.

But it looks like 43-year-old Depp may indeed tie the knot with the 33-year-old beauty.  The couple have lived together for eight years and have two children together:  Lily Rose, 7 & Jack, 4. 

The wedding is so be low-key & casual, said to take place in the village they reside, Plan de la Tour in the South of France.

A source stated, “They’ll have a low-key ceremony in their house or in one of the out-buildings in his 50-acre property.”


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