Performancing Metrics


Mariska Hargitay Loves Motherhood & Merlot



SVU actress Mariska Hargitay seems to be loving the new experience of motherhood, as well as merlot.  42-year-old Hargitay gave birth to her son August Miklos Friedrich Hermann June 28.  How’s that for a name?

But this beauty isn’t going to allow her new role to tame her social life, on a recent night out with friends, Mariska wouldn’t let go over her merlot glass.

“Mariska was double fisting merlot all night,” the source stated.  “She had a backup glass in front of her throughout the whole meal.”

I guess motherhood can pack a punch.

Hargitay was overheard speaking sweet talk about her son, saying, “He’s so sweet. He never even cries.”

“He’s such a little angel. He’ll start to cry, and then I’ll make a little sad face at him and he stops. It’s so cute.”

Wow, does that technique work on husbands?


howard-k-stern-anna-nicole-smith-certificate-10-11-2006.jpgAccording to the Bahamian government, Howard K. Stern is the father of Anna Nicole Smith’s baby daughter Dannielynn Hope Smith.  As Stern was listed as the father of Anna Nicole’s baby on her birth certificate, there is no question for the Bahamian authorities on the paternity of the newborn.

The birth certificate, issued by the Registrar General’s office in Nassau, The Bahamas, the baby is identified as Dannielynn Hope Marshall Stern, born on September 7 at the Doctors Hospital in Nassau on the island of New Providence.

Anna Nicole’s longtime lawyer & friend, Howard K. Stern stated on Larry King Live September 26 that he was indeed the father of the former Playboy bunny’s baby.

“Based on the timing of it, there shouldn’t be a doubt (of the paternity),” he stated.

But photojournalist Larry Birkhead, who had a relationship with Smith in California, seems to think that he is the real father of Dannielynn. Birkhead has gone so far as to order the courts to make Smith agree to a paternity test in order to prove he is the father.

When is this mess going to be cleaned up?  Hopefully Anna Nicole will just go ahead & get the damn paternity test over with so we can clear it all up.  What do you think?



The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:   Gwyneth Paltrow diet secrets

Bastardly:  Jessica Alba look-alike 

Gossip or Truth:  Celebrity look-alikes

I’m Not Obsessed:  Hugh Hefner loves dominoes

Mollygood:   Ashley & Mary Kate Olsen never bare their teeth, how true

Yeeeah:  Jessica Alba’s disappointing nipple action

Glitterati Gossip:   Tom Cruise still sucks  

Hollywood Tuna:  Alyssa Milano & her doggie pictures

Jay-Z Banned from China

jay-z-china-10-11-2006.jpgThe Culture Ministry of China has canceled Jay-Z’s scheduled debut in China, saying his lyrics are too “vulgar.”  Jay-Z, whose real name is Shawn Carter, was set to perform October 23 at Shanghai’s Hongkou Stadium.

“Some of Jay-Z’s songs contain too much vulgar language,” stated a promoter of the show.

Jay-Z’s use of profanity in his songs about drug dealers, pimps & violence apparently offends The Culture Ministry, despite having recently allowed sexually suggestive groups such as Rolling Stones & the Black Eyed Peas.

So, take the sex but leave the violence?  That certainly doesn’t fly here in the States.  What do you think, should China embrace Jay-Z with big hugs?



Mel Gibson told Good Morning America‘s Diane Sawyer that he’s been sober for 65 days and that he’s trying to put his Jew-hating July 28 drunk driving arrest behind him.  Mel is even calling the anti-Semitic rant “the stupid rambling of a drunkard.”

50-year-old Gibson revealed to Sawyer that he had started drinking again two months before being pulled over by the police in Malibu.  Here’s Mel now.

“Years go by, you’re fine.”

“All of a sudden in a heartbeat, in an instant, on an impulse, somebody shoves a glass of Mescal in front of your nose and says, ‘It’s from Oaxaca.’ And it’s burning its way through your esophagus and you go, ‘Oh man, what did I do that for? I can’t put the toothpaste back in the tube.'”

In August Mel pleaded no contest to a misdemeanor charge of drunk & was sentenced to three years probation, was barred from driving for a three-month period & had to pay a fine of $1,300- which I’m betting he can afford.

Responding to those who shun him professionally for his drunk anti-Semitic comments, Mel stated, “I feel sad because they’ve obviously been hurt and frightened and offended enough to feel that they have to do that. Um, and it’s their choice. There’s nothing I can do about that.”

“I’ll always continue to work. I’ve never much depended on anyone but myself, as far as that goes. And, hey, I’m not under the illusion that everything’s just going to be hunky-dory work wise forever. I’ve never been under that illusion. Things could go away tomorrow.”

What would Mel like to tell his critics? Gibson said, “Give me a chance to show you who I am?”

“Well, hopefully, in time they’ll know. And, you’re powerless over everything really … All you can do is take another step, keep breathing.”

And watch out where he’s breathing, that can be some stankin’ anti-Jewish drunk breath you’re getting.


Bill Clinton & Sheryl Crow Humanitarian of the Year Pictures



Former President Bill Clinton & singer Sheryl Crow were spotted (sharing a cigar?) at T.J. Martell Foundation’s 31st Annual Awards gala hosted by the Marriott Marquis in New York City Tuesday night.

The former president accepted the Humanitarian of the Year Award, which should have been in the shape of a fat Cuban cigar if you ask me.  Guests for the illustrious event included Mary J. Blige, Steve Van Zandt & John Legend, however Hillary Rodham was no where to be seen.  Maybe she had a my-husband-is-a-selfish-asshole meeting to attend.

Michael Jackson Pays Off Ex-Wife Debbie Rowe

michael-jackson-debbie-rowe-10-11-2006.jpgThe end is finally here- no, Michael Jackson has not been banned from having or being near children, the legal battle between Jackson & ex-wife Debbie Rowe has come to a close, and MJ is paying up.

Debbie Rowe gave up visitation rights in 2001 to her children with Michael Jackson, 9-year-old Prince Michael & 8-year-old Paris.  But three years ago Rowe decided she wanted that right back & put up a fight.  Now the custody battle is finally over and it looks like the winner is Jackson.

Michael, who has been living in Bahrain since 2005, will be paying Rowe $750,000 a year to give up her rights to their children completely.  A source close to Rowe stated, “It was hard for Debbie, but she’s broke.”

MJ’s lawyer Michael Abrams said, “Michael is satisfied with the results, and I believe Ms. Rowe is satisfied.”

How strange to have Michael Jackson as your father, let alone your husband.  I just can’t imagine that.  Poor kids, may they find some sanity later in their lives.  What do you think- would you rather have been brought up by a wealthy MJ who can provide you a cushy life or would you rather have been raised by sinister hyenas in the bush?  I’m thinking the safer bet is on the hyenas.





Crocodile Hunter Steve Irwin’s widow Terri Irwin & daughter Bindi were spotted at Nickelodeon Australian Kids’ Choice Awards 2006.

Attendees such as Sophie Monk, Guy Sebastian & Dean Geyer joined the Irwin’s down the red carpet earlier today at Sydney’s Entertainment Centre. 

It’s so good to see Terri looking well & with genuine smiles, Bindi looks lovely as always.  Maybe one day we will see the pair in perhaps a khaki dress?  Much love going out to the Irwins.

Tony Parker & Eva Longoria Working it Out

tony-parker-eva-longoria-work-it-out-10-11-2006.jpgIs the two-year-long Eva Longoria & Tony Parker relationship salvageable?  Eva flew to France last week to be with her beau on-the-rocks Tony and try to work things out. 

Despite that the relationship was “going through a very difficult time”, Tony enjoyed some blonde company one evening in front of many a celebs & Eva did a little two-timing herself with 33-year-old Mario Lopez, a bit closer to her own age.

24-year-old Parker & 31-year-old Longoria gave been dating for over two years and even announced earlier this year that they planned on getting engaged in the near future.

When news recently broke that Eva Longoria, 31, and her basketball player boyfriend, Tony Parker, 24, were “going through a very difficult time” – and that she was two-timing him with Mario Lopez, 33 – the nearly two-year-old romance seemed doomed.

September 6 Eva flew to France to be with her man, according to a source close to the couple, “He begged her to come.  He said he’ll forgive her, but they need to talk it out.”
“She wants to take the heat off what happened with Mario.”

I just don’t get celebrities sometimes, especially this whole Eva-Tony thing.  Here you have a young, sexy, famous basketballer with an old doesn’t-look-good-without-makeup desperate woman.  What gives?  Tony needs a younger, vibrant woman who doesn’t wake up the neighbors with her damn bongos in the morning.


Nicole Richie Spotted with New Guy Pictures



Nicole Richie is a busy girl, barely broken up with Brody Jenner and the girl is already being charmed by another gentleman.  Now that’s dedication to the dating world.


Tara Reid Spills the Boobie & Lipo Beans


Tara Reid has finally come clean & spilled all her beans.  Now we all know how Tara was able to do such a turn-around on her appearance, the actress admits that she underwent reconstructive surgery September 6 to repair damages done to her body in 2004 from a joint implant-liposuction procedure.  Somehow that just doesn’t sound too fun.

Here’s Tara now.
On Why She Decided to Have Surgery in the First Place:

“I got my breasts done for the first time because my breasts were uneven. I was a 34-B, but the right one was always bigger than the left. I weigh 110 pounds now, but I always used to fluctuate by 10 pounds, so my skin was kind of saggy. I figured, I’m in Hollywood, I’m getting older, I’m going to fix them.”
On What Happened:

“First of all, I asked for big Bs, and he did not give me big Bs. He gave me Cs, and I didn’t want them. At all. Right after the surgery, I had some bumps along the edges of my nipples, but the doctor said, ‘Don’t worry, it’s going to be better.’ But after six months of ‘it’s going to get better,’ it started to get worse and worse.”
On Her Decision to Get Liposuction:

“I got lipo because even though I was skinny, I wanted – I’m not going to lie – a six-pack. I had body contouring, but it all went wrong. My stomach became the most ripply, bulgy thing.”

On Revealing her Body Romantically:

Guys I was dating would be like, ‘What’s wrong with them? They look really bad. You know, you should really get them fixed.’ So embarrassing. I mean, you definitely need to turn off the lights, that’s for sure.”
Poor, poor Tara, she just wants to have her cake & eat it too.  What do you think about lipo & breast implants?  And does Tara look 100% better after all these procedures?


George Michael Paris Sighting Pictures


George Michael, though I barely recognize him not slumped over his car & drunk, was spotted leaving the Four Season’s Georges 5 hotel earlier today.

Michael was on his way to perform at Bercy in Paris. Looks like he is taking care of himself, as there is no spiddle coming down his face. Good job, George. Until the next incident….

Angelina Jolie ‘A Mighty Heart’ Blackface Pictures


Pictures of Angelina Jolie playing the role of murdered journalist Daniel Pearl’s wife in A Mighty Heart have finally come out.  You can certainly see why so many African-American groups blasted the casting of a caucasian actress in the role of Mariane Pearl who is half Cuban.

Angelina’s skin has been darkened for the role, giving the media a filed day with the word ‘blackface’.

What do you think- should Angelina Jolie play the role of Mariane Pearl in A Mighty Heart?

Niki Taylor Picture Corner



Model Niki Taylor & NASCAR Driver Burney Lamar Engaged

nicky-taylor-engaged-nascar-10-10-2006.jpgHot off the press, supermodel Niki Taylor said yes to a marriage proposal from NASCAR driver Burney Lamar.

26-year-old Lamar popped the question at Taylor’s parents’ house in Florida, September 15.  31-year-old Taylor accepted the proposal and the two plan to marry early next year.

Taylor & Lamar met in January at a charity event.  Earlier this year Niki stated, “I looked at Burney and said to myself, ‘This is the guy I’m going to marry.'”

The ring is a custom job with a 2-carat oval diamond held in an antique setting, designed by Jerry Lindsey of Brentwood, Tennessee.

We’re so glad that Taylor has some love in her life.  Back in 2001 Niki suffered from a near-fatal car wreck, but after over 41 surgeries the strong woman & mother of two is back on her feet.  Taylor currently lives in Nashville, Tennessee where she owns a boutique called Abbie + Jesse’s. 

Congrats to the lovebirds!


The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:   Kirsten Dunst quitting acting for art school

Gossip or Truth:  Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie in India video

I’m Not Obsessed:  Ruben’s secret diet

Mollygood:   Beyonce hearts her hair rollers

Yeeeah:  Lindsay Lohan’s not-so-pretty pictures

Bastardly:  The Eva Mendes crack

Glitterati Gossip:   Katie Couric lands on her head

Hollywood Tuna:  Natalie Portman looks pretty in purple in Paris



Brad Pitt & Angelina Jolie made a $100,000 donation to the Daniel Pearl Foundation in memory of the American journalist who was kidnapped and tragically killed in Pakistan February 2002.

The monetary gift was made through the Jolie-Pitt Foundation and was presented Tuesday, what would have been the late Pearl’s 43rd birthday.

Pitt & Jolie made a statement released by their rep, “On this day our thoughts go out to Danny’s family.” 

“The Daniel Pearl Foundation is celebrating this day, his birthday, with music festivals around the world. The festivals are a great reminder of not just Danny’s work as a journalist but of his life and his love of music.”

Brad & Angelina arrived last week (see rickshaw pictures) in Pune, India to film a biopic of the Wall Street Journal reporter Pearl.  Angelina will be playing the part of his wife, Mariane Pearl. 

Brangelina strikes again, making the world a better place.


Jimmy Buffett: The French are Idiots


Jimmy Buffett thinks the French are a bunch of idiots & don’t know the difference between prescription medication & the drug Ecstasy.

Jimmy, is of course, speaking about that experience he had at the Toulon-Hyères International Airport where custom officials claimed he had 100 tablets of Ecstasy in his luggage.  The “Margaritaville” singer had to pay a $380 fee, endure the embarrassment and move on with his life.

Recently Buffett posted on his blog, stating, “I don’t know about you, but at a few months away from turning 60, I carry a few prescriptions, including a B vitamin supplement called Foltx . . . ‘Ecstasy,’ they said. I have never taken it and couldn’t tell you the difference between a hit of Ecstasy and Excedrin PM.”

“My vices these days consist of boat drinks, beer, wine and the occasional hot fudge sundae . . . I paid the fine, gathered my bags and my friends and as soon as they opened that door, I walked, rather rapidly towards my plane and flew out. The stern-faced authorities couldn’t take the truth as the simple answer . . . [and tried] to turn vitamins into ecstasy.”

Jimmy’s pals are backing him up as well, writer Jay McInerney stated, “Jimmy’s drug days are long past. The guy drinks a little good burgundy with dinner and that’s it.”

So maybe the French custom officials need some more lessons in telling the difference between old man Viagra & Ecstasy.  What do you think?


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