Performancing Metrics


The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:   Paris Hilton’s tendency to ruin, well, just about everything

Bastardly:   Christina Applegate is not ready to be called a has-been

Perez Hilton:   Brooke Hogan thinks a lot of herself

I’m Not Obsessed:  O.J. Simpson confesses, hypothetically

Gossip or Truth:   Christina Aguilera comes out of the proverbial closet

Yeeeah:   Kirsten Dunst does stand-up, and badly

Glitterati Gossip:   Wanna get married on MTV???  Now’s your chance.

Hollywood Tuna:  Lindsay Lohan wants an Oscar, and now dammit!

Tommy Hilfiger Paris Store Opening Pictures





Tommy Hilfiger is so, umm, gay?  The well-known designer celebrates the Tommy Hilfiger Paris store opening Thursday. 

Tommy was enthusiastically greeted by an unknown guest, Lindsay Lohan & Dee as they were ringing in the new Parisian store will glee.  Well, at least Hilfiger isn’t punching anyone….



Jeffrey Sebelia Wins ‘Project Runway’


Jeffrey Sebelia was the designer Project Runway watchers loved to hate.  With his hard, abrasive mannerisms & cheeky comments, he was not the favorite celebrity on Bravo’s reality TV show. 

But it looks like the ugly ducking has taken the crown as Sebelia claimed ultimate victory in the fashion finale Wednesday night.

The crowned designer stated, “I’m shocked.”

“My brain is trying to figure out exactly what’s happening.”

36-year-old Jeffery took the title after he, Laura Bennett, Uli Herzner and Michael Knight did their presentations during New York Fashion Week.  The show was taped in September, which is such a drag, but the presentations were fabulous.

Sebelia highly impressed Heidi Klum and judges Michael Kors, Nina Garcia & Fern Mallis with his funky style on the runway.

“We love what you did,” Klum stated.

“You have great style. You’re a great designer and we want to see more of you.”

What did Jeffery say on winning $100,000 to help launch a fashion line?

“Intense happiness. Intense fear. Intense passion.”

“The volume on everything has been turned up all the way.”

We are really looking forward to what Jeffrey Sebelia dishes out in the future.

What do you think, did you want Michael Knight to win over Sebelia?


madonna-david-banda-adoption-father-speaks-out-10-19-2006.jpgFather of adopted Malawian boy Yohane Banda made a statement of praise for Madonna Wednesday, I’m sure after the $2 million bribe.

On Tuesday statements were released from Banda that were not exactly positive regarding the queen of pop and later that day at Madoption headquarters Madonna issued her own statement regarding her adoption of 1-year-old David Banda. It’s been a war a war of statements, of sorts.  Poor baby David, hopefully he won’t end up like Elian. 

But today Yohane has nothing but love for Madge saying, “Where were these people when David was struggling in the orphanage? These so-called human rights groups should leave my baby alone,” he said. “As father I have OKed this, I have no problem. The village has no problem. Who are they to cause trouble? Please let them stop.”

So, what do you think of the Madoption?


The Many Looks of Jessica Simpson, Which One is Best?



Screech Sex Tape: Dustin Diamond Finally Speaks

dustin-diamond-porn-sex-tape-10-19-2006.jpgAll throughout this Screech sex tape business, I’ve been thinking- you know, Dustin Diamond isn’t such a bad porn name.  Until now, Saved By the Bell’s Screech hasn’t said much about his sex tape that’s soon to be released.

But it looks like the Diamond (in the rough?) is finally ready to come clean.  Despite his somewhat not-so-profitable stand-up career, Dustin states that he was not looking for a second career in doing the private porn.

“I’m not an adult actor,” Screech stated.

“I did something stupid in private.”  No, more something kinda gross, rather than stupid, in private.

Apparently Dustin met the women that were in the tape (yep, that was women- plural) while on the road doing his stand-up.  
“It was a bachelorette party and the bride-to-be and one of her bridesmaids were staying at one of the local hotels and they invited me back to come back and party,” Screech explains.

But it looks like Screech’s private sexual moments will now be the public’s I-wanna-barf moments.  29-year-old Diamond, who is married to his 30-year-old manager Jennifer Misner, said that he & some friends made sex tapes as a joke- I didn’t realize sex tapes were on the comedy platform.  But someone allegedly leaked that Screech had made a porno with the wedding party & the rest is history.

“I thought, I can spend a fortune fighting this or I can try to make a fortune,” Diamond reveals. 

“Let’s just say, if I were a small man, it would be worse.”  Ewww, mental image, mental image, burned into my brain- agggghhhhhh!

According to Dustin, he & Misner had just crossed the line between manager & lover when the news of the tape was leaked. 

“She wasn’t happy at all,” Screech stated.

“We were just dating. It was the very beginning, you know? There’s a difference between being committed and just — I mean, at that point, if she had pulled any kind of power trip, I would’ve said, ‘Uh oh, psycho!’ and I never would’ve called her again.”

So, does the ‘big man’ still keep in touch with his wedding party sex pals?

“No, I am always on the road and they are all out in California. People just won’t let the Saved by the Bell stuff go!”

No, they don’t Screech, no they don’t.

So, what do you think?  Gonna try & sneak a peek at Big Man Diamond?


Justin Timberlake Announces Tour, Pink Coming Along


Justin Timberlake is taking FutureSex/LoveSounds album on the road and is launching a North American tour that will kick off January 8 in San Diego.

Who’s coming with, you ask?  Well, it looks like Justin is adding a little Pink to his diet!  I know you’re excited.  Justin Timberlake alongside Pink, should work out pretty good for them.  The 34-date tour will wrap up March 29 in East Rutherford, New Jersey, so get a move on & start planning.

“I’ve been rehearsing the band, getting the show ready and tight,” Timberlake stated.

“What—and I might even show up. So that’s pretty exciting. No, seriously, come out. I’ll see you guys there.” 

And we’ll see you there, Justin.  So, who’s going?



As reported in quite length earlier, Heather Mills made some startling allegations regarding estranged husband Paul McCartney.  Mills has alleged that McCartney was physically & emotionally abusive, used drugs, tried to strangle her and was basically a big, huge meanie-pants.

Paul has come out with a statement regarding these allegations, and to be honest it’s a little on the weak side. 

McCartney’s reps stated “Our client would very much like to respond in public and in detail to the allegations made recently against him by his wife and published in the press but he recognizes, on advice, that the only correct forum for his response to the allegations made against him is in the current divorce proceedings.”

Will Paul take this slander lying down?  Reps went on to state, “Our client will be defending these allegations vigorously and appropriately.”  So, no, apparently Paul is ready for a fight.

So, either Heather is an evil bitch, Paul is a huge asshole, or a little of both.  What do you think?


Leonardo DiCaprio Launches ‘E-Topia’ Reality TV Show


Leonardo DiCaprio is hoping to win the viewing public with a new reality TV show that’s in the works.  The big screen star is helping to develop an eco-friendly show that will focus on the environment & planning for the future.

E-Topia will chronicle a group of individuals in a reconstructed U.S. town that will be transformed into a green community.  The show will focus on the demands of living green & show how the planners of the town as well as the architects work together.

Leonardo DiCaprio will act as co-creator & executive producer, with possibly a cameo or two.

Executive producer Craig Pillgian stated, “We’re going to take a devastated community and help transform it as a prototype for the future.  We’re trying to show the county and the world by example, town by town by town, how we can change the way we live and fight global warming.”

Sounds interesting, although I’m not seeing high ratings for this show- sadly.



‘Dancing with the Stars’ Sara Evans Talks About Divorce

sara-evans-divorce-update-10-18-2006.jpgAs posted earlier, Dancing with the Stars ex-contestant & country singer Sara Evans recently announced that she was filing for divorce from her husband of 13 years, Craig Schelske.  After making the statement that she was leaving the dancing show, Evans turned her attention to her family.

Apparently just hours before Evans was to perform on ABC’s Dancing with the Stars, Evans learned about some racy allegations regarding 43-year-old Schelske.  I suspect that Evans learned about those 100 photographs that Craig took of himself naked (for some off reason) and perhaps that Craig’s list anal sex add.

“It’s a blur,” Evans stated regarding the recent events.

“The good thing is that I’m so used to performing, as you know, that as an entertainer, we just have the ability to just try to flip the switch, turn it on, do the dance and make it through the day.”

Evans had considered divorce earlier this year and even begun filing paperwork, but she was trying to take it slow, thinking about her children.

Sara revealed, “It was always my intention to try to take things slowly.  My intention was to try everything that was in my power [to save the marriage].”

“It’s very personal and very traumatic and very hard for my children.  Things drastically went downhill at 100 miles an hour.”

We wish both parties luck & more love in the future.



The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:  Wesley Snipes is on the run, possibly a smart move

Bastardly:   Bai Ling is too hot to wear clothes

Perez Hilton:  Martha Stewart with no gravity, scary or makes sense? 

I’m Not Obsessed:  Salma Hayek at Redbook Awards

Gossip or Truth:  K-Fed still sucks, big time

Yeeeah:   Rod Stewart wants to do Paris Hilton

Glitterati Gossip:   Remember Gene Simmons?  Of course you do.

Hollywood Tuna:   Are Petra & James done?  Meaning, is James finished paying her to hang out with him?


Chris Rock’s mother Rose had an unfortunate time at a Cracker Barrel restaurant along the South Carolina coast.  Rose was seated at the Southern restaurant, but ignored for more than half an hour before she was even attended to by a waiter. 

Rock says she intends to sue the Lebanon, Tennessee-based company, while a Cracker Barrel spokeswoman said the restaurant chain was researching the complaint & taking it all “very seriously.”

In the past the Cracker has faced several lawsuits over complaints of refusing to serve black customers, being discriminatory against minority workers and showing gay employees to the door (with a swift kick).

Rose was with her 21-year-old daughter when the incident occurred, she stated that when she asked the manager about the delay in service, he only said they could have their meals on the house.

Rock says, “He never called over the waitresses and asked, `Why did these people sit here for an hour without service?”

“The only thing he said was we could have a free meal and neither of us wanted to eat.”

The Reverend Al Sharpton (you knew he’d been in here someplace) will join Rock today in South Carolina to announce that Sharpton’s Action Network will be financing the discrimination lawsuit.

I’m getting reports from all over the country about Cracker Barrel,” Sharpton said Tuesday.

“When people are talking about there is no more discrimination, a lot of it is because they are not following this stuff up,” Sharpton said.

Well, it looks like Rose has a good case & we wish her luck in her pursuit.


Mary-Kate Olsen’s Boyfriend Max Snow is Uma Thurman’s Cousin



Finally, more pictures of 20-year-old Mary-Kate Olsen’s new flame, 21-year-old Max Snow.  The two have been together for about a month & are always spotted at the trendiest & hottest nightspots.

Interestingly, Max is Uma Thurman’s cousin, although it looks like he got jipped in that gene pool department.  Snow is a UK native, but now lives in NYC and counts Jade Jagger & Theodora Richards as friends.

A friend of Snow stated, “They are pretty serious.”
“Mary-Kate loves that Max is so knowledgeable in so many different areas.”

So many different areas?  Hint, hint, nudge, nudge.

‘Street Sexy’ Paris & Nicky Hilton Pictures




At the Spring/Summer 2007 “Street Sexy” presented by William Rast, Nicky & older sister Paris found time to pose for a super sexy after party pose.

The Hilton sisters were spotted at the after party Tuesday night in Hollywood.  Paris & Nicky look lovely, although as the night wore on you can see it in their caked-on makeup.


heather-mills-paul-mccartney-divorce-news-10-18-2006.jpgWow, in a recent Us Weekly post, Heather Mills is crucifying estranged husband Paul McCartney and she isn’t looking back.

In court documents filed by ex-model Mills, Heather is claiming that McCartney was physically & emotionally violet towards her, took drugs as well as forbade her to breastfeed their baby during the marriage. 

Here’s what Us Weekly broke down for us regarding the abuse, check it out.

October 2002: McCartney loudly pointed out that Mills was in a bad mood, in front of other people. When they returned home McCartney and Mills began to argue about the McCartney’s behaviour. McCartney grabbed Mills by the neck and pushed her over a coffee table. He then went outside and, in his drunken state, fell down a hill, cutting his arm.
May 2003: The couple were in a hotel in Rome when McCartney behaved coldly towards Mills, who was pregnant and who was distressed by a derogatory newspaper article about her. An argument ensued in which McCartney became angry and pushed Mills into the bath. Mills suffered distress but was made to go to McCartney’s evening concert.
May 2003
: Following the concert, in a fit of pique because Mills refused to go to the aftershow party, McCartney directed a female bodyguard to abandon Mills, leaving her exposed to hordes of fans. The respondent was forced to take a 30 minute walk back to the hotel because no taxi was available.
August 2003: In Long Island, Mills asked McCartney if he had been smoking marijuana. He became angry, grabbed her neck and started choking her.
October 2003: McCartney often told Mills when she was pregnant that he did not want her to breast-feed their child, making the comment “they are my breasts” and “I don’t want a mouthful of breast milk”.
November 2003: McCartney required Mills to defer an essential operation on her leg because it would have interfered with holiday plans.
December 2003: Mills had a broken pelvic plate McCartney insisted that she cook for him while she was on crutches, could barely move and was in agony.
Mid-November 2004: McCartney failed to protect Mills from adverse press reports despite being in a position to do so. Mills was warned that a forthcoming article about her was about to come out in The Sunday Times magazine and included the line: “The best thing that ever happened to Heather Mills McCartney was losing her leg” which was distressing.
As McCartney had been asked to participate in the half-time entertainment for the Superbowl on Fox TV owned by Rupert Murdoch (who also owns The Sunday Times), Mills asked McCartney to tell Rupert Murdoch that he would not confirm his participation in the Superbowl unless he agreed not to run the story. McCartney refused to assist in this way.
September/October 2005: McCartney called Mills an “ungrateful bitch” in front of their driver when she explained why an office he had provided was not right for her. Having refused to allow Mills to use his spare office on the floor beneath their apartment, which would have allowed for a creche in one part of the office, McCartney had insisted she use an office that was far too small and was 20 minutes walk away. When Mills went to view it, she was chased by paparazzi and was so demoralised by the experience she never used the office.
April 2006: Shortly after Mills’ revision amputation surgery she was forced to crawl on her hands and knees up aeroplane steps because they were not wide enough to take her wheelchair. McCartney had assured Mills he had taken care of her disability needs in connection with the trip.
April 2006: An argument occurred during which McCartney poured a bottle of red wine over Mills’ head and then threw what remained in his wine glass at her.
McCartney then reached to grab Mills’ wine glass, and broke the bowl of the glass from the stem. He then lunged at the Mills with the sharp stem of the glass, which cut and pierced the Mills’ arm just below the elbow causing her to bleed profusely. He proceeded to manhandle Mills, flinging her into her wheelchair and wheeling it outside, screaming at her to apologize for “winding him up”.
April 2006: Mills asked McCartney not to leave her alone with their daughter Beatrice at the Cabin (because it is isolated in a forest). She had just had surgery on her leg, was in a wheelchair, and was anxious about her ability to cope by herself. Notwithstanding this, he walked off. Mills then telephoned McCartney, and asked him to return. McCartney mocked her pleas, mimicking the voice of a nagging spouse, and refused to return.
April 2006: It is alleged that Mills found McCartney staggering, undressed him and ran the bath and helped him into it. She then phoned the McCartney’s psychiatrist for advice and was told not to attempt to move him, to get a duvet and two pillows, to empty the bath of water, cover him, and leave him there.
Mills thereupon dragged herself upstairs, on her hands and knees (she was unable to wear her prosthetic leg as the wound from surgery had not yet healed) and brought back down the pillows. She found that McCartney had vomited on himself. She rinsed him off, and got him out the bath. At that time Mills had a broken plate in her pelvis and she was in agony.
April 2006: On April 27 Mills knew McCartney would be too hungover to help her with Beatrice and due to her own incapacity as a result of an operation, she had to call the babysitter to help get Beatrice to nursery.
The following day McCartney went to London but said he would be back in time to help the put Beatrice to bed. He did not arrive back at her bedtime even though he knew Mills could not cope on her own. McCartney arrived home drunk and demanded dinner and called the respondent a nag.
That evening Mills realized the marriage had irretrievably broken down and left, crawling on her hands and knees while dragging her wheelchair, crutches and basic personal possessions to the car.
No date given: Mills asked McCartney if she could buy an antique bedpan to keep under the bed at night so she wouldn’t have to crawl to the bathroom when her prosthetic leg was not fitted. McCartney objected, saying it would be like being in “an old woman’s home.”

Jeez, that was a load of badness, I’m glad to see you made it through without a scratch.  So, what do you think- is all this true, is Paul McCartney the biggest asshole of them all?




Babyshambles frontman, Kate Moss semi-fiance & drug addict Pete Doherty was spotted outside the Thames Magistrates Court in London Wednesday.

Rocker Doherty was appearing for a hearing relating to one of his many drug possession charges.  We’re all crossing our fingers (& toes) that Pete can finally get back in the clean & sober boat and leave all this court business behind him.

After all, the man wants to marry Kate Moss & have little Pete’s running around, a completely terrifying thought.


New Madonna David Banda Malawi Baby Adoption Pictures





OMG!  Charlie Sheen, Denise Richards & family were spotted together Sunday and they all lived, not a gun shot was fired.  Amazing!

With their eye-scratching divorce behind them, Charlie & Denise spent some time together in Los Angeles with their kids, even Sheen’s current girlfriend Brooke Mueller joined in on the fun, though I doubt she was actually invited.  Sheen & Richards enjoyed some much-needed time with their daughters Sam, 2 & Lola, 1.

Wow, I’m so impressed that Charlie & Denise didn’t kill each other.  Congrats to their self-control.


Wesley Snipes is Stupid, Indicted for Tax Fraud

wesley-snipes-10-17-2006-tax-evade.jpgWhy on earth do stars think they can get by with cheating on their taxes?  Will they ever learn?

Wesley Snipes was indicted today on eight counts of tax fraud.  The U.S. government is accusing Snipes of trying to cheat them out of $12 million in fraudulent refund claims. 44-year-old dumbass Snipes also failed (oops!) to file his tax returns over the past six years.

According to the federal indictment, Snipes acquired the services of an accountant who has a history of filing false returns, double oops.

Snipes, if convicted, may face up to 16 years in prison, triple slam-dunk oops.  Wesley, according to authorities, has not been arrested because no one knows where he is.  Tried Cuba, guys?

Interestingly, Snipes was denied entry into South Africa in 2005 when officials said he tried to enter the country with a forged passport.

What a stupid dumbass.  Snipes should have been overjoyed with the Blade movies and the fact that someone actually hired him as an actor and straightened up his damn life.  What a putz.



Celebrity Search


Useful Links