MTV’s Laguna Beach star Kristin Cavallari is set to take over Jessica Simpson’s role as Daisy Duke in the next Dukes of Hazzard movie.  This is rather interesting since it has been rumored that Cavallari dated Simpson’s estranged hubby Nick Lachey earlier this year.

The film’s producer Bill Gerber is working on a prequel to the Dukes of Hazzard film, can we really call it a film?  Gerber desperately wants to cast Kristin in the role of Daisy Duke, the movie that marked Simpson’s film debut.  Why the hell do I keep calling this made-for-the-masses movie a film? 

Gerber explains, “She’s at the top of the list. I like her innocence and her beauty.  It’s a prequel, like Batman. We’re going for a whole new cast.”

I’m not sure which is more disturbing, the fact that there’s an audience for another damn Dukes of Hazzard or that Gerber thinks Cavallari innocent.

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PopSugar:  Nick Lachey’s new peasant-girl chick

The Superficial:  Kate Moss acts a little like Pete Doherty

Egotastic:  The French will hate Michelle Rodriguez

Socialite’s Life:  Beyonce Knowles tells Jay-Z he’s gotta loose the weight

Just Jared:  Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn’s The Break-Up bombs

The Daily Mirror has been reporting some juicy Britney Spears & Kevin Federline news today.  Apparently K-Fed has been banished to the basement of their California mansion & reports of a split between the two have not been denied by Spears’ publicist.  Praise Xenu, has the girl finally come to her senses?  Will there really be a Splitney? 

The recent stress on their relationship, as if Federline’s oozing redneckness wasn’t enough, is due to Spears returning from New York this week only to find aspiring dumbass, I mean rapper, smoking it up & drinking in the house. 

Britney had hoped to save the marriage for the sake of their son Sean Preston & their unborn child due in October, but it looks like the pop princess has just lost her patience. 

A close friend stated, “She wanted to wait but their relationship has become so hostile she just doesn’t see how she can make it work.”

Another stress had been K-Fed choosing to spend Mother’s Day with his ex-love Shar Jackson & their two children, while Britney spent it alone with the Manny. 

I have to say that as soon as the two finally & officially call it quits, I will commence the ‘The damn girl finally came to her senses’ dance. 

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Whilst in Germany touring the countryside via helicopter, socialite Paris Hilton heard nature calling.  She, being the calm & considerate lady she is, tried to ignore the call until it came barking mad at her door. 

Paris demanded the pilot of the craft to immediately land the non-bathroom acommodating helicopter so she could relieve herself.  The quick-on-the-draw pilot realized he was close to a friend’s farmhouse & proceeded to land in his fields.  I’m not sure why Paris didn’t pee right then & there, it makes more sense for the Paris I know to show her thang in as public a place as possible. 

Hilton was able to make it to the German farmer’s house without a drop spilled & now the same German farmer is trying to turn lemons into lemonade, as it were.  The ingenious farmer is looking to auction the actual, don’t get too excited now, toilet seat the young hotel princess put her delicate derriere upon. 

I think I’m now going to erect a sign in my yard that states simply, “If you have any celebrity clout, please pee here.”  I think I could make a small fortune. 

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PopSugar:  Liv Tyler looking lovely at the Free Arts benefit in New York

The Superficial:  Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey love fireworks

Just Jared:  Britney Spears sporting the belly & still wearing she’s-going-to-fall-down shoes

Jossip:  Wilmer Valderrama remains annoying & in love with his penis

Hollywood Tuna:  Ashlee Simpson on the set of her new video ‘Invincible’

The silver, sly fox Taylor Hicks, 29, claimed the American Idol crown last night with a stellar performance over the sometimes clunky-noted 22-year-old Hollywood native Katharine McPhee.

Hicks charmed audiences from the beginning of the fifth season of American Idol with his raw bluesy singing and his I-don’t-care-what-you-think dancing.  Over 200 million people worldwide watched the two-hour finale Wednesday & 63.4 million votes were cast- now making American Idol more interesting to the public than presidential elections & Stephen King.

The Birmingham, Alabama singer shouted ‘Soul Patrol’ after his victory was announced over McPhee.  Hicks’ win was not without expectation, as he had never been in the bottom three picks until there were only three left & on Tuesday judge Simon Cowell predicted his win.  And I believe it’s Simon, Stephen, that truly has the strange powers here. 

The elaborate & star-studded show featured a surprise performance by Prince & last season’s Idol winner Carrie Underwood. The final five Idols each performed a solo with many being accompanied by famous singers – Paris Bennett sang with the legendary Al Jarreau & Hicks performed an entertaining “In the Ghetto” with Toni Braxton.

Chris Daughtry sang with band Live while McPhee joined Meatloaf for a tune on his new album- somehow that pairing makes a lot of sense.  Mary J. Blige made an appearance with Elliot Yamin & performed her song “One”.  Yamin was introduced by his mother who won a Golden Idol for the ‘Proudest Parental Moment’.  Other Golden Idols were handed out with sarcasm to the worst of the early Idols. 

In a cute segment, Kellie Pickler who has become known for her inability to pronounce the words ‘calamari’ & ‘salmon‘ correctly was featured with celebrity chef Wolfgang Puck who tried to educate the poor dear on hew foods & pronunciation techniques. 

All in all, it was a fabulous end to the fifth season.  Now if we can just get t-shirts made with ‘Soul Patrol’ we’re good to go.

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Filmmaker Sofia Coppola received many a boos last night when her most recent film, Marie Antoinette, was shown at a press screening at the Cannes Film Festival last night.  But the daring moviemaker has kept her head above the sometimes sticky jeering to remain strong and passionate about her work.

Coppola states, “It’s better to get a reaction, it’s better than a mediocre response.  Hopefully some people will enjoy it. I think it’s not for everybody.” 

Marie Antoinette stars Kirsten Dunst, who also appeared in Coppola’s The Virgin Suicides, & British actor Steve Coogan.  Sofia admits she found the Cannes press screening to be “disappointing”, she insists that she always knew the film would provoke debate. 

Dunst said, “I like the movie and I’m really proud.”

Coogan added, “When you make something that’s personal and specific it’s inevitable that there will be some naysayers, and it’s better to have that than just have a bland uniform response.

“I think it shows that Sofia is true to her voice. I’ve seen the film and it’s consistent with all the qualities that make her films great in the past. People who like Sofia Coppola will love this film. People who don’t won’t but then they’re not really under her radar anyway.”

Marie Antoinette premiers in Cannes this evening.  Hopefully the story of its reception will be less tragic than that of the French Queen. 

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Gossip Or Truth:  Nicole Kidman & Keith Urban request no presents & no prenup

Egotastic:  Bai Ling is pretty cute in Cannes & so is her nipple

PopSugar:  Bruce Willis looking a little older & a little wetter in Cannes

The Superficial:  Brad Pitt pulls a Britney Spears

Just Jared:  Christian Bale sporting black & getting busted

 

Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt have asked Namibian governor Samuel Nuuyoma to name their, as of right now, unborn child.  Nuuyoma was asked to name their baby over dinner with the celebrity couple. 

He states, “When she (Angelina) goes to the hospital, as the father of the region, I will be informed and I will go there. I will announce the good news and I will be naming the baby.”

Local custom indicates that when Jolie goes into labor, Nuuyoma will be called upon and will officially name the child.  The governor is keeping a tight lid over any possible names for the child, which according to Pitt is “due any time now”.  Maybe that would be a good name- Introducing the Any Time Now baby, brought to you by Jolie & Pitt. 

Due to Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt’s interest in Namibia and her people, many locals feel the day Angelina gives birth should be a national holiday, an honor traditionally reserved for royalty or national heroes.  I myself wouldn’t mind an extra day off here in the States, however silly the occasion.

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Brokeback Mountain starlet Michelle Williams is having a bit of family trouble.  Her father Larry Richard Williams was arrested on Saturday in Australia for allegedly failing to pay US taxes.  
 
Larry Williams was detained in Australia this weekend after US authorities issued a warrant for his return on charges of evading $1.5 million in income tax.  Mr. Williams is a celebrated share-trading guru who travels extensively claiming to reveal his stock market secrets.  I’m thinking his clients might want to avoid the secrets of evading income tax.  The star’s father is being accused of creating false documents and using several bank accounts to evade his large tax bill.

Williams, who arrived in Sydney via South Africa, was due to guest speak at a series of financial seminars across the country.  Ummm.  Isn’t this like Michael Jackson guest speaking for No Child Left Behind or Michelle Rodriguez presenting a speech on behalf of Mothers Against Drunk Drivers? 

Williams has been released on bail, been ordered to stay in Sydney, forced to surrender his passport & must report into the police three times a day.  Sounds like a prescription for trouble.  Williams is due to return to court on May 29. 

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PopSugar:  Denise Richards & Richie Sambora still gross & still going at it

The Superficial:  Paris Hilton has the perfect ‘job’

Egotastic:  Kirsten Dunst bikinis it up at Cannes

IDLYITW:  Heather Locklear finally gives in to it all

Pink Is The New Blog:  Madonna opens up her Confessions

Well, since Michelle Rodriguez loved jail the first time, being sentenced to 60 days in prison shouldn’t be so bad.  The Lost star is heading back for time for violation of her probation. 

Rodriguez was arrested in Honolulu on suspicion of drunk driving last December.  The arrest came just six months after she had pleaded no contest to a hit & run, drunk driving & driving with a suspended license in Los Angeles.  Rodriguez was placed on probation following the arrest.

The Hawaiian drunk driving incident violated Rodriguez’s California probation & Judge Rex Hesseman has sentenced her to serve 60 days in a Los Angeles jail, on top of extending her probation three more years to June 2009.  Michelle has also been ordered to complete a 30-day alcohol rehabilitation program & perform 30 days community service. 

I have to say, I doubt Michelle will be as chipper as she was the first time she got out of jail.  Maybe she & Charlie Sheen can be pen pals.  Get it, PEN pals?!  I kill myself. 

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Horror master Stephen King is an angry, angry man.  King is furious with ABC for scheduling the small-screen adaptation of his latest work, Desperation, at the same time as the American Idol finals.  Yep, that’s about the worst it could get.  You’d would have done better competing with the Olympics, sadly enough.
 
Stephen was dancing over happy rainbows because he was thrilled with the work director Mick Garris did with the TV adaptation of his novel, which stars Ron Pearlman & Annabeth Gish.  Now the poor man is horrified that his baby will be fighting for audiences with Fox’s American Idol finals.   

King has posted on his website, saying, “Those of you who are familiar with the wonderful world of television may have noticed that Desperation–probably the best TV movie to be made from my work–has been scheduled by ABC to run, not just against American Idol, but against the American Idol finals.

“But am I bitter? Hell, yes, I am bitter!

“Those of you who watch will get a gold star. Those of you who don’t, and watch American Idol instead… well, just remember: I have strange powers.”

Strange powers indeed.  When will I get my gold star?

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PopSugar:  Despite laugh-filled reviews, The Da Vinci Code cashes in

Perez Hilton:  Hugh Grant & Jemima Khan are kaput, wonder if it was that girly smooch that did them in?

Jut Jared:  Grab yourself a double helping of Hugh Jackman

The Superficial:  More of Britney Spears’ breakdown

Socialite’s Life:  The ironic juxtaposition of Paris Hilton at classy Cannes

Still Waiting:  An Angelina Jolie & Brad Pitt Update

While we’re still waiting on pins & needles for the birth of baby Jolie-Pitt, here are some quick Namibia news updates.  Charges against a South African photographer who was arrested for trespassing while trying to snap a photo of pregnant Angelina Jolie & partner Brad Pitt have been dismissed.   A Namibian judge has dismissed the trespassing charges against 48-year-old John Liebenberg who was taken into custody Friday afternoon.

Liebenberg drove into the back of a police station in Walvis Bay, Namibia in search of a vantage point of a nearby hospital. The veteran photojournalist was reacting to a tip that the elusive Jolie had been rushed to there to have her baby.

Liebenberg was released on a warning after being detained for three days.

In other Angelina Jolie / Brad Pitt news, their adopted daughter Zahara has been struck down with a mysterious illness.  The 16-month-old girl has reportedly stopped sleeping properly & cries when she is placed on her back.

According to The Sun, Brad is insisting on taking Zahara to the US for treatment, but the about-to-burst pregnant Angelina wants to stay in Africa until she delivers her baby.

A source states, “Brad is absolutely beside himself. He’s desperate to take Zahara to the US for medical attention. But Angie insists on staying in Africa.

“It has caused a number of fights between them.”

It is thought that Zahara might have a genetic illness, but innumerable tests have yet to reveal any clues.

The source added: “She’s had so many tests, but no one knows what is wrong.”

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Hollywood Scoop:  Maxim’s Top Hot 100 party with the ladies looking sexy

PISTB:  Catch up on the latest Lost

Egotastic:  Superman is back & better than ever, maybe

Just Jared:  Jake Gyllenhaal is a cutie pie

IDLYITW:  Mischa Barton is moving on

Need I say more?  Britney Spears nearly drops baby boy Sean Preston.  What the hell is this kid going to think when he grows up & sees these pictures?  Maybe Brit is putting too much baby oil on the poor thing & he’s just a slippery little guy.  Or maybe she should choose motherhood over fashion and skip heels & wedges all together and try to stay balanced for a change.

If it were not for the mustached man on the right, Britney would have spilled baby Sean all over the New York pavement.  You know, she doesn’t look that alarmed or scared.  Crack heads should act like crack heads and rich pop stars should act like rich pop stars- not rich pop stars acting like detached crack heads.  

Maybe she wants DCFS to take Sean Preston away so she can live her red neck life with K-Fed in peace.  Who knows with this girl.  Spears definitely shouldn’t look for a ‘Mother of the Year’ award.  I will now bury my face in my hands and keep repeating, “There’s no place like home, there’s no place like home.”

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Amid reports that Bon Jovi guitarist Richie Sambora & ”actress” Denise Richards have split, Richards’ rep has stated that the two are still hot & heavy and that in fact, Denise is flying out to meet him on tour today.

Richards is flying into Dublin, Ireland, where Sambora is set to rock the stage with Bon Jovi on Saturday for their ‘Have a Nice Day’ tour.

Richards’ representative assured one and all that, “Denise and Richie are still together.”  Whew, I thought I was going to have to spend the weekend with my head in the sand weeping and begging God to get the two back together.

A source told US Weekly that Richards will be leaving her children, Sam, 2, and Lola, 11 months, with her parents while she gallivants around Europe with her beau.  I can’t wait for the pics of Sambora & Richards on the terrace of their hotel- hopefully we’ll get to see another lap dance. 

Bon Jovi will have a short break after their Dublin show allowing the love birds to spend a weekend together in Europe.  Let’s hope Sambora can get away from all the Bon Jovi groupies to spend time with his #1 groupie.

Sambora was recently quoted telling fans in Germany that he was “single and ready to party.”

But a close friend of Richie says, “Richie was just being a rock star. His public and private personae are different.  When you’re a rock star, being carefree is part of the game.”

Could someone please tell me why Bon Jovi is still around?  Wasn’t ‘Slippery When Wet’ enough already?  It’s crazy what people will subject themselves to.  Are Bon Jovi groupies 47-year-old lonely women who fell for his fro & constant sunglasses?  Jeez.

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Paparazzi are covering Namibia & pacing the ground like a herd of wild gray elephants with exploding cameras.  Any minute or any day now Angelina Jolie will squeeze out her & Brad Pitt’s baby.  
 
Today, May 18th, is the due date but there is no sign as of yet that the little darling has arrived.  A local newspaper quoted sources who said Jolie would be giving birth within the next two days, possibly opting for a home birth with a private jet on standby.

“Jolie… is expected to go into labor in the next 48 hours,” a local newspaper reported,  under the headline “Jolie-Pitt baby expected shortly.” 

In the most anticipated birth since Jesus, paparazzi and Namibian locals alike are anxiously awaiting the birth of the Jolie-Pitt child.  Someone really should bring them over some frankincense & myrrh.  Maybe that’s what my gift basket will be….

However, some Namibia locals are frustrated with the whole situation and the trampling of privacy.  

“I think it is such a big fuss, I couldn’t give a damn to be quite honest. I feel sorry for them, they should just be left alone,” said Ingrid Wheal, a local shop owner. 

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