Performancing Metrics


reese-witherspoon-ryan-phillippe-divorce-11-9-2006.jpgWell, it that was fast, and hopefully the whole thing will be almost painless.  On Wednesday 30-year-old Reese Witherspoon filed for divorce from 30-year-old husband Ryan Phillippe.  I told you, it’s the end of an era.

Witherspoon filed for divorce in a Los Angeles Superior Court, citing “irreconcilable differences” as the reason for her application. 

What Reese is asking for:  Joint legal custody of 7-year-old daughter Ava and 3-year-old son Deacon, however Reese is asking for physical custody and is willing to grant Ryan visitation rights.  Witherspoon goes on to ask the courts to block any attempt by Phillippe to seek spousal support & asks for “exclusive use of the family residence.”  As the couple does not have a prenup, oops, the earning will be divided up 50/50.  What a damn shame for Reese.  A damn shame.

Witherspoon lists the date of separation as October 30 and signed the actual divorce papers on November 7.  Way to celebrate voting day, it looks like everyone is looking for a little change this year.  

Ahhhh, the end of an era, the end of innocence, the end of Reese & Ryan. 


kevin-federline-last-interview-before-divorce-11-8-2006.jpgThe night before pop star Britney Spears filed for divorce from estranged husband Kevin Federline, People caught up with the “rap” star in Toronto.  Here’s that interview now, I have taken the small liberty of adding my interpretation.

People: You’re on this huge promotional tour – and you’re alone. Is it to set yourself apart as an artist or because Britney is with the kids? [Are you sure you have the talent to go on tour?]

Kevin: Of course, and the kids are too little. I don’t want to bring the little one on the road, especially. There’s no pictures of him out there yet or anything like that so, I really try to keep them as safe as possible.  [Especially since Brit doesn't trust me around them.]

People:  You’ve said that you and Britney have a fiery relationship. What makes you guys work?  [How in the hell did you land Britney damn Spears, you imbecile?]

Kevin: She’s the spice and I’m kinda like the sweet in it. I’m the laid-back person. She’s always hyperactive and running around crazy and I don’t know, it just works. I calm her down and she speeds me up.  [Yeah, that's the weed talking, K-Fed.]

People:  So, would you say you’re misunderstood?  [You are completely & irresponsibly stupid.]

Kevin: Definitely, definitely. We are, we are. I mean, that’s the way it is. I don’t know why it’s that way, but that’s what they do to us. It’s all right. We don’t care cause we’re happy.  [I have no idea what you just asked me, dude.]

People:  Does she support you?  [How much is your allowance, Kevin?]

Kevin: She supports me. I support her. I mean, you know, it’s simple. It’s one word. And that word is love. And I got a lot of love for her.  [Britney gives me a lot of damn money, for sure.]

People:  Plus you guys have a new family.  [You were able to spread your seed with Ms. Spears, were you not, you big, lucky redneck retard?]

Kevin: That’s what I mean. We’re a family. It’s cool. It’s great.  [Yeah, she's a great bang, not as good as some, but still pretty tip-top.]

People:  Is it hard being away from them?  [Does Britney even come see you while you're on tour?]

Kevin: Man, it is hard. It’s hard. I mean, I’ve got a little bit of experience in it, you know, I’ve had to be away from my other kids, so having to do that I really know how it feels. When it gets to me I think about them and know I’ll be there soon.  [Child services sometimes takes the kids away from me, so I'm used to that, man.]

People:  Are they going to join you eventually?  [Are you able to be within 30 feet of your "family"?]

Kevin: Possibly. I’m not sure.  [The jury is still out on that, and I mean that all literal-like.]

People:  Are you in touch?  [With reality?]

Kevin: Of course. Well, she’s recording now too so that’s why it’s gonna be real hard. [To try & get my fine ass on that album with her.]

People:  Have you worked with Britney on her album? ][Has Spears let your untalented, skinny self anywhere close to her recording studio?]

Kevin: I haven’t done anything with her yet. There’s been talk about it but we’ll see what happens. [That bitch has yet to ask me to lay down tracks with her, she just doesn't recognize talent.]

People:  So, throughout all your crazy touring, you’re the laid-back one. Do you need Britney to pep you up?  [Are you getting all the sex you need from your misinformed groupies, you bastard?]

Kevin: Sometimes, not too much. I like being this way. It’s real hard to get me out of this element. If I was very high-strung, I probably would’ve knocked a few people out by now and you know, you would have seen a bad side of me that probably, hopefully I’ll never show.  [No, I’ve got all the “pep” you need, if that’s what you wanna call it, man.}

People:  Because you guys are so different, do you fight?  [Do you ever lay a hand on her, you monster?]

Kevin: Of course. We’re people, like, it’s like any relationship. We have our ups and downs and we work through everything that we possibly can. If we can’t work through it, we drop it and that’s where it stays.  [All the time, and sometimes two!]

People:  What would you say to critics who knock you guys? [What would you say to those who live a life in reality?]

Kevin: I’m happy. I don’t care what other people say or think. I’m happy. I’m blessed. I’m proud of my life and that’s it. That’s all that matters. [Hitler was once happy too.]

People:  So how does it feel to have a new baby, a new album, and more?  [Are you even able to look beyond yourself, you redneck?]

Kevin: I feel great. I feel like I’m on top of my game right now. I’m very, very involved in every aspect of my life right now and I’ll make sure I keep to it. [This is how we do it...]

People:  How’s your personal life?  [Have you received any text messages yet regarding a divorce from your wife Britney Spears?]

Kevin: We’re good. Like I said, we have our times and our spats and all that stuff, but other than that we’re good. It’s a lot of hard work, but we knew it was gonna be that way and we’re dealing with it day to day. [No, man, not yet.  Umm, why do you ask that question?]

People:  With lots of communication?  [Are you sure you know your marriage?  I feel there is a text coming any minute now...]

Kevin: All the time, all the time. It’s not like we fight or anything all the time. It’s just, you know, it gets tiring when you’re up all night with the kids and you gotta go to work the next day and me and her have to learn to find time for me and her.  [I gotta make time for me, yo.]

People:  Have you been doing that? [Have you been able to find your ass from a hole in the ground?  I hear monkeys can do that, can you, Kevin?]

Kevin: We haven’t been able to do it lately. I think that that’s part of the problem but we’ll be all right. We’ll be fine. I talk to her all the time. She can’t wait for me to get home. [I have no idea where Britney was last night, man.  Was she with you?]


Britney Spears & Kevin Federline Divorce: Saying Goodbye


Keith Urban Speaks About Addiction & Gives Advice


Keith Urban, who recently checked into an alcohol abuse rehabilitation center has some advice for those who struggle for addiction.  His advice is to communicate, communicate, communicate.

“Everyone gets overwhelmed at points, but it’s when you think you can handle it yourself and you don’t reach out for help. That’s when the end is near,” Urban revealed.

“Recognize that you are about the tire, that drowning is looming.”

“I’ve definitely been that drowning guy, and in the midst of drowning, I thought, `I wonder if I should put my hand up?’ … I’m just really grateful to be present and doing what I can. And if it overwhelms me, I speak out and say, `There is too much going on.”‘

Well, it looks like Keith knows what he’s doing, but at the same time I don’t blame wife Nicole Kidman for going ahead with that prenup.



Ryan Phillippe Admits That’s He’s Not Perfect


Ryan Phillippe has spoken out for the first time since the news hit about he & estrange wife Resse Witherspoon’s divorce.  Their divorce was announced October 30 and the boy finally has something to say.

“I’m not a perfect person, but I’m not guilty of a lot of the things I have been accused of. My priority is and always has been the health and safety of my family,” Phillippe revealed.

I guess health & safety have nothing to do with cheating on Reese with someone that is almost an exact ringer for the star.  What gives on that?

Ryan did not face the rumors & reports about his affair with co-star Abbie Cornish, but his reps did deny reports of hard partying & drug use.  Deny, deny, deny.  But I guess they didn’t want to touch that whole Abbie thing with a 10-foot pole, although Ryan seems to have several times. 

But, really isn’t this Abbie Cornish-hen chick a dead ringer for Reese?  Jeez, Ryan, try something different for a change.  How confusing, did he ever holler out “Reese, Reese!” when he was with her, I don’t see how you couldn’t.  What do you think?


OMG! Is Heath Ledger Going Bald?!


So, I think we can safely say why Heath Ledger insists on always being the homeless, beanie-wearing guy, he is definitely thinning!  Here is the young actor spotted Monday at a special screening of Candy at the Tribeca Grand Hotel in New York City.

This is so sad, he’s only enjoyed his blonde locks for 27 years.  Maybe Heath just has fine hair, but it really looks like it’s going to be Ron Howard bald-land for the legend Ledger.

britney-spears-sex-video-leaked-by-kevin-federline-11-8-2006.jpgWell, we said this Britney Spears / Kevin Federline divorce could get nasty, and it looks like it’s just started.  With the text message to K-Fed informing him of the divorce, we’re off to a good start. 

Now, looks can be deceiving, but it may be that K-Fed has already retaliated on estranged wife Britney Spears by leaking a reported sex tape of the two, or rather K-Fed, enjoying himself.

According to, this is the famous Britney Spears sex video that has gained fame & attention since the first mention & utterance of its existence.  I’m not convinced this is Spears, but you tell me.  I will tell you first, that this video contains adult material & should be taken as such.  Consider yourself porn warned.


britney-spears-kevin-federline-text-message-divorce-11-8-2006.jpgSo, it looks as if Kevin Federline might have found out about estranged wife Britney Spears filing for divorce via text message.  How classic, and yet somehow this all seems to fit in the Spears / Federline relationship extravaganza.

K-Fed spent the better part of Monday being shadowed by a news crew from MuchMusic, I guess they were trying to figure out why in the hell people actually buy his albums.  While the crew was filming K-Fed happy-go-lucky stated that his wife Britney was his “number one fan.”  Ha!  Yeah, like number one fan to kick your ass in court, buddy.

After some more filming Federline received the news about the divorce via Blackberry, he became quite visibly upset (’cause he’s gonna lose millions), asked to take off his microphone, left for a half hour with his posse and returned looking quite the troubled boy (’cause he remembered about that damn prenup).  Oh, well, Kev, it was a nice run all the same.  Make sure to check out the MuchMusic text message video here!

I dunno, it just makes the whole thing come into perspective when you get a text message that your ass is getting divorced from pop star Britney Spears.  Ha!



The Celebrific Lowdown


Celebitchy:  Lindsay Lohan gets rear-ended & likes it

Bastardly:   Nicole da Silva in Maxim

Perez Hilton:   Gwen Stefani & baby Kingston spotted at Heathrow

I’m Not Obsessed:   Madonna gets injured by paparazzi, oops

Gossip or Truth:   Prison Break update

Yeeeah:   Jessica Simpson is a Jezebel

Glitterati Gossip:   Hilary Duff’s stalker gets himself arrested

Hollywood Tuna:  Elle MacPherson & her fabulous nipples


Lindsay Lohan Lies to Oprah, Says She’s No Party Girl

lindsay-lohan-oprah-winfrey-show-11-8-2006.jpgWhat, is it about once or twice a week that we see pictures of Lindsay Lohan out partying in the wee hours of the morning?  Well, it looks like Ms. Lohan doesn’t feel that her reputation as a party girl is deserved, and that’s what she pretty much told Oprah Tuesday.

Lohan told Oprah, “I’m 20 years old. Is it a crime to go … dancing with your friends?”

In regards to her acting career, Lindsay revealed that she feels “lucky and blessed” that she has the ability to act.

“I’ve been acting my whole life and this is what I love to do,” Lohan stated.

Our response here at Celebrific is that Lindsay Lohan does love to act, act a fool.






It looks like Britney Spears has already started celebrating her split from estranged husband Kevin Federline.  Tuesday the pop star was spotted ice skating at the Rockafeller Center in New York City.

And who is this new cat you are skating with, Brit?  Rebound Britney already has an ice skating partner on the go.  Well, I have to say she looks beautiful, something that I have not been able to say of Ms. Spears since late 2004.  It looks like she has shed her reptile skin & gotten rid of the trash.  Way to go, Brit!  But damn, girl, aren’t your nipples just about to fall off from the cold?

Anna Nicole Smith Alive & Well Again



And speaking of Anna Nicole Smith, it looks like the former Playboy Playmate is among the living once again.  Smith has been released from the Bahamas hospital where she was receiving treatment for pneumonia. 

38-year-old Anna Nicole checked into a local hospital on October 30 complaining for a pain in her side, upon evaluation it was determined by physicians that Smith had a collapsed lung due to a severe case of pneumonia.  But now it looks like the lung has bucked-up and the lady is feeling much better.

“I think it takes quite some time to recover from a collapsed lung, and you have to keep up the breathing exercises for some time,” Anna Nicole’s attorney Wayne Munroe stated.

“But she’s shown a high threshold for pain, having been through so much recently.”

Damn straight, never again will I subject these eyes to that gruesome Cesarean section video, never again, never again.


Anna Nicole Smith Cesarean Section Video

anna-nicole-smith-dannielynn-hope-11-82006.jpgI’m not sure why this is on the web, but it’s here nonetheless.  I know you’ve been absolutely dying to see Anna Nicole Smith’s Cesarean section video as Dannielynn Hope was torn from her womb, and now you can thanks to YouTube.

To celebrate Dannielynn Hope’s 2 months in the world, I thought you might wanna take a look at this fine cinematography, preferably after breakfast.

This footage, which ran on Entertainment Tonight, is a bit graphic so make sure your heart is devoid of conditions and that you’re tall enough to get on the ride.  Hold on tight, it’s a shaky one!

Britney Spears & Kevin Federline Divorce: Why Now?

britney-spears-on-top-again-11-8-2006.pngSo, we’ve all thought for a good while now that the best thing for Britney Spears would be to get the hell out of Kevin Federline land.  And it looks like Brit has finally come around to our side of thinking, but why now?  What happened to the pop star for her to make this step now?  Why has Britney Spears just now filed for divorce from hubby Kevin Federline?

Well, according to friends close to Spears & K-Fed, the two had a big blowout last week that may have pushed the marriage over the cliff & beyond, leaving it a battered, old thing with barely a heartbeat.  Did I go overboard there?

Reportedly at a party for Kevin’s new worldly terror, or as other people seem to like to call it, his new album release, Brit & Federline got into it.  On October 31 in LA at club Xenii while K-Fed was working the crowd, Britney was upstairs, hidden in a dressing room.

Before the Halloween night was over, the black minidress-wearing Spears made a dramatic exit.  According to once source at the scene, “She ran down the stairs crying and stormed out.  Her eyes were swollen and her eyeliner was smudged. She looked like a complete mess.”  Did Kevin try running after his upset wife?  Did dutiful husband run after his love?  Why, no he did not.  Surprised?  Probably not.

Still matters were made worse when Britney started crying in public on November 2 while was dining with a friend at Library.  An onlooker revealed, “She cried on and off the whole meal.”
So, there we have it.  The days leading up to Britney making the best decision this year.  Britney, we’re behind you 100% and we are so, so, so happy that you’re back on the sane side of things.


Britney Spears Files for Divorce from Kevin Federline

britney-spears-kevin-federline-11-8-2006.bmpOK, that’s it, bring out the balloons, bring out the singing band, bring out the flowers, bring out the whole damn party for Britney Spears has finally come to her ever-lovin’ senses!  Tuesday Spears filed for a petition of divorce from husband Kevin Federline in a Los Angeles court.  The pop star cited “irreconcilable differences” as her reason for such action, although had I been the judge, I would have been fine with “I finally came to my damn senses,” but that’s just me.

In her petition to the LA courts, Spears has asked for legal & physical custody of her & K-Fed’s children, 1-year-old Sean Preston & 2-month-old Jayden James.  Britney has also filed for Kevin to receive visitation rights, well at least she’s doing this thing right for once. 

Fortunately for Brit, when the couple married in September 2004, she drew up a tight prenuptial agreement.  Spears has waived her right to spousal support and has requested that each party pay for their own layer’s fees.  So, no wonder K-Fed is looking for every opportunity to make some cash, did I call that or did I call that?

The actual day of separation is recorded as Monday, the same day Brit made a un-Britlike surprise appearance on David Letterman.  I guess she needed a little pick-me-up, and what better place that David’s? 

As far as who’s representing Spears in this high-profile divorce, she has hired on powerhouse attorney Laura Wasser who names Angelina Jolie, Nick Lachey & Kiefer Sutherland as clients.  Good luck topping (and trying to pay) for that, K-Fed.

Wow!  I never thought this day would come, there were rumors, there were whispers, it actually almost happened earlier this year, but now, now, the terrible torture is over!  Hooray for Britney Spears!  The woman is finally free & has come around to the good side.  But I’ll tell you, I think this one’s going to be messy.  I wonder what’s on Justin Timberlake’s mind?……


Britney Spears On Letterman Pictures



I finally found a good picture of the new, lovely Britney Spears on the Late Show with David Letterman Monday.

Spears has re-invented herself into a much better Brit.  The pop diva has traded the extensions in for a blonde bob and that black outfit really works her legs & her baby-weight-free bod.

Congrats to Britney for coming out of the redneck closet for a day at least!

Kevin Federline is the New Google Search Engine

kevin-federline-next-google-search-engine-11-7-2006.jpgSo, umm, K-Fed thinks he’s a brand now, what do you know about that?  Apparently Kevin Federline is the new Google as he & Prodege Search have joined up together to start, barforama!  What the hell?  Kevin knows that his marriage is failing, that he actually can’t rap & this is what he’s come up with?! 

Basically this new search engine will give K-Fed fans what they were already getting through Yahoo! & Google, a place to search for the things you want & are interested in, but now you get to do it with K-Fed.  I guess this is the best way to do it with K-Fed, since you won’t be left with venereal diseases after, or will you?….

A bonus feature of is that you get a search-and-win option, hooray!  There are, count them, 20 chances throughout the day to win K-Fed prizes such as autographed t-shirts & albums.  And isn’t that worth any venereal disease?

Director of business development for Prodege, Scott Dudelson, stated, Kevin’s a good, cool dude, and he’s popular.  He gets a lot of beatings, but a lot of people like him. Despite the talk about him, he’s got a lot of fans.”

Did you catch that, Kevin is a cool dude.  Well if that’s all it takes to get your won search engine, sign me up!


Ashley Olsen Spotted Sporting Brunette Hair





Newly dyed brunette Ashley Olsen was spotted Monday in Beverly Hills sporting her new locks. 

So, really, what do you think?  Is Ashley pulling it off?

brooks-dunn-cma-awards-11-7-2006.jpgWell, it was a night filled with spectacle & entertainment as the 40th Annual Country Music Association Awards hit the stage Monday.  Kenny Chesney won the coveted entertainer of the year while Brooks & Dunn’s hit song Believe won three awards including Single of the Year & Song of the Year.

“This year has in ways been the most emotionally satisfying year and also the most emotionally draining year of my life,” Chesney stated.  Kenny was of course referring to his roller coaster ride marriage & high-profile split with Renee Zellweger last year.

“There have been so many ups and downs, it’s been like a huge emotional roller coaster ride,” Kenny went on to say.

One of the most moving events of the evening was when the Top Male Vocalist award was announced, and Keith Urban won the prestigious award.  Urban, who is currently in an alcohol rehabilitation center, received a standing ovation while his award was accepted by Ronnie Dunn.

Dunn read a letter to the crowd penned by Urban thanking his wife Nicole Kidman, “To my wife, Nicole, I love you.”

“I’m looking forward to coming home and seeing you all soon.”

Dunn smiled & said, “We love you Keith good luck, brother.”

Wow, you gotta love how the country starts do it up.  Congrats to all the winners!


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