Tired of me only mentioning Bar Refaeli and Miranda Kerr, Doutzen personally emailed me and said that she wanted me to throw her name into the hat for Celebrific model of the year for 2010 and she sent along these photos. I must admit she makes a compelling case and I would be remiss not to put her name into the hat. That gives us three competitors so far this year and it is only January so I am looking forward to seeing who else decides to jump into the ring.

However, this brings up the question of how she even got my email? I try to keep it private so these celebrity stalkers don’t bother me. They tend to pressure me into saying nice things about them because they can’t handle the negative press, but that just isn’t my style. I like to bring the real to my people and the real is usually negative. It’s a bad point of view to have you might think, but I didn’t make this world, I just control it. Egotistical? Quite possibly, but that is how you survive in this cutthroat world filled with actors, singers and models.

You can’t let them push you around because once they know they can they don’t stop. I only put Doutzen into the hat because she asked nicely and complimented me on my new haircut. Wait?! How did she know I got a new haircut?! Time to go back into the bunker, things are getting weird.

I was a little unforgiving last time I spoke about Evangeline, but it wasn't because of her looks. Her looks are at least a 7 on a scale of 50. I'm joking, she is a very attractive lady. However, maybe the last photo set just didn't do her justice because I couldn't even come up with a work of fiction entertaining enough to put down on this site for her.

This weekend I set out on a quest though to make things right. I had to find some photos that presented Ms. Lilly in the attractive light that so many fanboys shine upon her and I think I did a good job of coming up with these. You see, she doesn't need to be in a bikini or lingerie to be sexy. She is able to present her beauty in a whole new light by sometimes wearing guy outfits and reminding the world that she could probably kick the crap out of you if she so wanted. To some that is sexy. to me that is scary as hell, but whatever floats your boat works for me.

For any Lost fans out there, help me out with this one. Does she bounce around the island getting her tail on or is she restricted to just two guys? It seems like every guy would be after this one on the island, but I don't know the story. Maybe they all have sex with the polar bear and that is the end of the discussion. Nobody ends a discussion with polar bear sex quite like I do. One of a kind.

For the most part women can pull of the hair changing color thing, but sometimes they just don't pull it off well enough. Some women were just not meant to be blondes and Olivia Wilde is one of them. If you look at the set of photos from the last the last time I spoke about her you can see that she is a dark-haired kind of chick. She has that sultry, exotic, and seductive thing going that just doesn't work well with blondes. Blondes have a different type of aura that they present and Olivia doesn't have it.

That isn't a knock against blondes or Olivia, but it definitely is a compatibility issue. I'm not sure if she changed it for a role, was born with it or what, but she should never go back. I don't care if she surrounds herself with jealous friends that wish only for her downfall, this is a far worse fate because it hide her alien beauty. She doesn't have human beauty. I just won't admit it because every time I see her part of my brain is telling me that there is something seriously wrong with her head and her eyes and there is another part saying that is what makes her sexy.

As you can understand that isn't human so it must be alien because they are the closest creatures to humans. Animals stand no chance against aliens and therefore I must compare others to aliens. End of story.

Yes, I’m talking about the former Backstreet Boy. According to People, the 32-year-old proposed to his girlfriend, Rochelle Deanna Karidis, onstage at a Las Vegas club Friday night.

The club was hosting a party for the AVN Adult Entertainment Expo convention. Just after midnight, A.J. went up onstage, told the DJ to turn down the music, and asked Rochelle to come up onstage. He got down on one knee and asked her to marry him. She said yes, of course.

Sorry, girls. That’s one Backstreet boy that’s off the meat market.

This post is inspired by my Avatar = FernGully = Pocahontas analysis. Although Guy Ritchie’s Sherlock Holmes doesn’t actually look like a CSI Miami spin-off, I could not help but compare certain elements of the movie to my favorite CBS series.

After I saw the must-see detective flick, the first thing that came into my mind was, “Holy smokes! CSI is wasting their money on those fancy computers and gadgets. All you need is someone as brilliant as Holmes and Watson!”

Imagine England in the late 1800s. They didn’t have electricity, the internet, thumb mark analysis, face detection databases, DNA scanners, and all the fancy equipment that CSI’s Calleigh Duquesne (played by Emily Procter) and Eric Delko (played by Adam Rodriguez) use to track down the killers. All the police needed was the uncanny observational skills, addicting wit, and intellectual prowess of Sherlock Holmes (played by Robert Downey, Jr.) and his trusty sidekick Dr. John Watson (played by Jude Law).

Why, the duo could determine what the crime scene’s mysterious powder residue is just by sniffing it! They even could figure out the modus operandi of the fleeting suspect just by looking around for clues—no rubber gloves and evidence bags necessary! In CSI, it takes hours to days of processing evidence before releasing official results, while Sherlock needs only one eureka moment to solve mysteries. Amazing!

There are a few similarities. Both the CSI and Sherlock Holmes are able to consistently draw big conclusions from miniscule clues at the scene. Sherlock’s character is unfailing and omnipotent, just like Miami’s hero Horatio Caine (played by David Caruso). You just know you can count on him to catch the bad guy. And while Horatio manages to keep his suit squeaky clean as he theatrically puts on his trademark aviator sunglasses, Sherlock loves to get down and dirty, after which he lights his signature pipe.

Ryan Wolfe (played by Jonathan Togo) and the rest of the CSI team make fitting sidekicks, each with his/her own distinct sleuthing style. It’s too bad I don’t see a direct Watson resemblance in them.

While Sherlock Holmes is a completely fictional story originally written by Sir Arthur Conan Doyle, you cannot help but wish that this eccentric character exists in today’s era of modern technology to put real-life CSI employees to shame.

I’d love to dabble into Sherlock Holmes more, but I’d hate to be the movie spoiler. Just watch it and let me know what you think. A word of advice before getting into the cinema: make sure you pay attention to the fast-paced arguments or you’ll miss the microscopic but important details. It’s elementary, my dear.

…with a new album, All In Good Time. They’re giving fans a sneak peak of their first single, “You Run Away” at their official website. Listen to it here:

Founding member and lead singer Steven Page left the band last year, and this is their comeback album with new frontman Ed Robertson. The Canadian band formed in 1988 and have released over a dozen albums the past two decades.

I started listening to BNL in the ’90s, with their hits such as “Call and Answer” and “One Week,” so if “You Run Away” is any indication of what the new album has to offer, it’s a bit disappointing. A lot of old fans have pledged their support to BNL’s new offering, but I’m sorry to say it’s not doing it for me.

People magazine won the bid to the sought-after wedding photos of Kevin Jonas and Danielle Deleasa. The oldest member of the Jonas Brothers married his girlfriend in a Disney-style wedding last December 19 at Oheka Castle in Huntington, New York.

“We’re so happy that we’re finally married and we were able to share the special moment with family, friends, and loved ones,” the newlyweds told People. “I knew that my princess needed her glass slippers and her castle,” Kevin added.

Kevin’s father Kevin Jonas Sr., an ordained minister, officiated the winter wonderland ceremony along with Danielle’s childhood pastor, Rev. Ron DePasquale Jr.

Check out Danielle’s Vera Wang Gown, the fairytale-inspired reception, and other details of the wedding in People’s special double issue, out now in newsstands.

Although she was tabloid fodder most of her adult life, the late Johnson & Johnson heiress Casey Johnson deserves some positive news, especially since she was finally laid to rest yesterday in New Jersey.

The entire Johnson family, as well as the coaches and team employees of the New York Jets (Casey’s father owns the football team), wore blue bracelets that said “Cure Diabetes” in honor of Casey when they attended the recent game of the Jets and Cincinnati Bengals. According to TMZ, a memorial fund for the Juvenile Diabetes Research Foundation was also set up in Casey’s honor.

Casey was a diabetic patient herself, but recent autopsy reports have not determined if diabetes or drugs had anything to do with the 30-year-old’s death. It also showed inconclusive results due to pending tests and microscopic studies. The new tests are expected to take about eight weeks before final results are announced.

Earlier, I talked about Lacey Chabert being the middle mean girls. Now we are on the topic of Alyson Hannigan and when you first saw American Pie, did you think for one second that of all the people in that movie she would end up being the most famous and having the greatest acting career? I sure as hell didn’t, but lo and behold here we are. She blossomed very well and is the star of How I Met Your Mother, which I’ve seen before and isn’t that bad of a show.

Did I mention she is hot, but not in an impossible to get kind of way. I’m talking about a I have a shot with this chick kind of way. This in turn makes her even hotter. Interesting how that works. Other women that fall into this category include Halle Berry, Eliza Dushku and Amanda Bynes. Yes, I can get with all of them.

There is no reason to hate on me. Envy me if you wish, but hatred is a very bad thing. Anyways, she even has the weird smile and teeth going that add to her cuteness. Too many people in Hollywood strive for perfection when they really should be striving to accentuate the flaws. It will work out better for them.

I refuse to get these 10 missing teeth replaced and it has worked wonders for my image. Now, nobody messes with me when I go into a drunken rage.

I must say this photo of Demi Lovato is pretty impressive. Since she is 17 I am still obligated by Federal Law not to make the usual comments that I would towards a woman of age and therefore this entry is going to be the most boring one that you have ever read from me. If I had more pictures I would just make those the entry and ignore anymore words so that I could distract you, but I don’t think that will work.

This is her at the People’s Choice Awards by the way. Apparently people get dressed up there and look really, really cool. I wasn’t invited this year because of the last year’s incident. If you don’t know about it then obviously you don’t watch Extra because I was all over that mofo like a pigeon on a hot dog in Central Park.

Lovato began her acting career at the age of six on the children’s television series Barney & Friends as Angela, appearing in seasons seven and eight. In 2006 Lovato guest starred on Prison Break as Danielle Curtin in the episode “First Down”. She also appeared in the second season of the television sitcom Just Jordan as Nicole, in the episode “Slippery When Wet”. In January 2007, she landed the role of Charlotte Adams on the Disney Channel Original Short Series, As the Bell Rings, which premiered on August 26, 2007. A few of her original songs, including “Shadow,” were featured on the show. Upon leaving the show, her character was replaced by Lindsey Black.

I stole that from Wikipedia because for some reason that site always seems to know more about the people I talk about than I do. I don’t understand how they do it, but they pull it off well. Sneaky, cheeky bastards they are. I probably shouldn’t say bastards that involves an entry with a 17-year old in it. I’m sure she has heard worse before, you know how kids and their mouths are. Crazy kids.

Thank god I stopped having them after the 10th one with my 11th wife. Well, time to go back to work at McDonald’s. Stay in school kids.

Here is Kaley at the People’s Choice Awards. I like her only because she is in The Big Bang Theory which is a show about geeks that can’t get laid except for one geek that dates Kaley. She probably gets made fun of and is called a geek lover by passerbys, but hopefully she doesn’t let those people get to her. She has a beautiful soul and it takes a strong individual to overcome the prejudices of the world and see a person for who they truly are.

Geeks of the world salute you Kaley by unzipping their pants in unison. No it isn’t dirty because it is the traditional way that geeks salute all blondes. If you want to talk about dirty then you should see the way we salute redheads. That takes things to a whole new level and even I am ashamed to be involved in it sometimes.

I’m not sure how she looks in that first pic though, seems like she has a bit of cake face. Too much makeup plastered on methinks and it doesn’t work out too well in the lights. I don’t blame stars for doing such things because they have to look good, but do they really look that bad without it? Only one way to find out and that is by sleeping with them

It’s Friday and that means I am going to introduce you to someone you didn’t know about before. This is Christina Klein as you can tell by the headline. Wow, that is where the information pretty much stops. Even IMDB is almost at a loss to who the hell she is. Don’t believe me? Check this out.

Has an older brother named Andreas.

That is the first fact they have about her. I’m not saying it shouldn’t be the first fact, but come on. There are only about 5 more after that so it is not like they were building up to something. She sings and is famous in Germany and therefore will never be famous in the States. This might be the only time you ever come across her so in case you are on a game show and the question of who Christina Klein’s brother is comes up, you have me to thank.

Just think, the difference between you and $100,000 can be Andreas. Bet you never pictured that happening to you. I just blew your mind like a cannon filled with pineapples over a poundcake wall.

Time to go, I have some eating to do.

There were four main girls in the movie Mean Girls: Lindsay Lohan, Rachel McAdams, Lacey Chabert and Amanda Seyfried. We all know about Lohan. McAdams has done pretty well for herself and is one of the hottest women around. Seyfried got to star in that Megan Fox bomb last year so she is in the middle along with Chabert. When you saw that movie did you really think the hierarchy of women would end up like that?

I know I did.

I’m joking, I hated Rachel McAdams in blonde hair. Lindsay and Lacey were where the action was at. Either way I was hoping to take this opportunity to see what Lacey was up to and her upcoming acting schedule reads like a WTF is that? Seriously, I don’t know anything she is going to be in or anything that she has been in for the past two years. Mean Girls was her peak. That isn’t a good thing.

Can you imagine being the girl that didn’t do drugs, stayed out of trouble and kept everything smooth and still be less relevant than Lindsay who still gets job offers? I mean damn, that has to sting you in the pinky toe right there.

Lacey, I’m going on record right now to say you deserve better and since mad TV execs read this blog hopefully they give you a shot. I expect to get a better cut than your agent if that happens. Let me know.

The star of the new 90210 and an overall good gal. Look at her eyes, look at her hair, and be sure to look at her knees. Her knees are very important. Stay tuned to find out why.

She did something special today. However, I am not going to tell you because too often gossip rags like to disclose the personal lives of stars and I am going to take the higher road today and avoid that. Yes, for once in my life I am taking the higher road and am deciding to avoid telling the world the special thing that she did today.

I hope that she comes across this and is very impressed by me. I hope that she considers it an act of chivalry because it really is and we all know how chivalry is dead to most women today.

I’m not even going to tell you why her name is spelled the way it is or what it even means because I am a noble person. In fact, I’m pretty sure I am a direct descendant of some nobility from Montana. My great great something was the King of Montana when it used to be a kingdom a long time ago.

Okay, in all honesty I have no idea what she did today, but I do know she did something. There is your gossip you hounds.

The People’s Choice Awards 2010 just wrapped up and the night’s most stylish are already making headlines. Here are my top 5 picks:

Hot momma Jessica Alba shined in an Antonio Berardi brocade dress paired with silver strappies.

Sandra Bullock’s fashion choices have always been hit and miss, so I was happy to see her looking fabulous in this nude Vivienne Westwood gown.

While most celebrities followed the standard glam code, fashion rebel Ginnifer Goodwin stood out with her striped Christian Lacroix minidress accessorized with large corsages.

Always a red carpet favorite, Taylor Swift looked stunning in a white Jenny Peckham dress and silver Christian Louboutin shoes.

That Herve Leger gown fit Diane Kruger in all the right places, while her accessories spelled chic: a rockstar box clutch and metallic shoes.

Who was your favorite? View the red carpet arrivals, highlights, and winners here.

It was only in January 24, 2009 when her first single, “Just Dance” topped the Billboard charts for two weeks. Then last Wednesday, Lady Gaga’s “Bad Romance” reached number one, making her the first artist in Billboard’s 17-week history to have five singles reach number one.

photo from Lady Gaga’s official website

Other number-one singles from her album The Fame are: “Poker Face” (five weeks, beginning April 25), “LoveGame” (two weeks, beginning July 25) and “Paparazzi” (two weeks, beginning Nov. 14).

Go, Gaga!

This British actress is one celebrity who deserves more credit than she’s given. Emma Watson, now 19, has managed to keep off the spotlight despite the phenomenal success of the Harry Potter series (and this was before the dawn of Twilight). Maybe it’s because she’s busy focusing on her degree at Brown University.

At the Burberry Catwalk Show, part of London Fashion Week, September 22, 2009.

I wasn’t surprised when Burberry picked her as the face of their Fall/Winter 2009 and Spring/Summer 2010 campaign. She’s always had her own chic sense of style, whether it’s for red carpet events or a stroll in London.

Check out her latest photos for the brand:

Photos from NY Mag, courtesy of Burberry

It’s nothing big—she’s just doing a sitcom appearance. The country singer is set to act in one episode of CBS’s How I Met Your Mother. She’s playing Tiffany, an enigmatic pharmaceutical sales rep and the love interest of Ted, played by Josh Radnor.

Carrie Underwood at the People’s Choice Awards 2010.

That episode will be aired in March in the US, so mark your calendars, AI fans!

The new year just started and Kim’s schedule is already full. First she’s busy promoting OK! Magazine and Ocean Drive’s January issues, where she’s featured on their covers. Second, she’s promoting her new Carl’s Jr. commercial, where she’s actually paid to Twitter about the Cranberry Apple Walnut Chicken Salad.

She’s also preparing for the launch of her fragrance, aptly called Kim Kardashian. The perfume will be out in February, and fans can check out other info about the scent in Sephora’s website.

“This was one of the most exciting projects I’ve been involved in because I got to be so hands-on every step of the process from choosing scents to designing the bottle and the accent features,” Kim said in her website.

That’s one hardworking gal.