Cameron Diaz in Marie Claire

If you based looks just on personality, Cameron Diaz would be a 10. I can admit that faster than a cop eats a bagel. That’s not the expression? Well where I am from our cops are healthy, eat bagels without cream cheese and practice yoga daily. I live in a perfect society where humans are 8ft tall, the women have buns of steel and everyone loves everyone. Of course I have also been stuck in a coma for the last 20 years, but they have this machine that reads my thoughts and posts blog entries so it’s a win-win situation for me.

So yeah, Cameron Diaz has a great personality and sometimes looks good. Most of time though I’m just not feeling the tightness in my pants when I see her. She almost has a Joker face at times that can be scary. Seriously, imagine her face painted with that giant smile and her popping out of your closet at night and standing over your bed not saying a word. You can’t tell me you wouldn’t be urinating the ceiling yellow.

Maybe you think I am harboring some resentment for her because of our failed relationship. She is the reason I am in this coma you know. She actually did jump out of the closet with some makeup and stared at me, but I think that had more to do with me locking her in there with nothing to eat but blush and lipstick.

She is a strong woman. I’m never going to the circus again.