Celebitchy:  Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaugh sing- deny, deny, deny

PopSugar:  Gwyneth Paltrow doesn’t look like Gwyneth Paltrow

Gossip or Truth:  Tom Cruise is an ass & I love it

Egotastic:  Lindsay Lohan is a liar.  Who knew?  (insert sarcasm here)

The Superficial:  Paris Hilton is a real person

It looks like alcohol relapses are the in thing these days.  Following in Mel Gibson’s footsteps, actor & comedian Robin Williams has gone public with his latest battle with alcoholism.

After tabloids reported that Williams had checked into a rehabilitation facility last month for a drinking binge, Robin came out of the drunk closet & said he had started drinking again while filming The Big White in Alaska two years ago. I can understand that, it was a terrible film.

Williams’ publicist says, ”After 20 years of sobriety, Robin Williams found himself drinking again and has decided to take proactive measures to deal with this for his own well-being and the wellbeing of his family.

“He asks that you respect his and his family’s privacy during this time. He looks forward to returning to work this fall to support his upcoming film releases.”

And we all look forward to Robin’s anti-Semite remarks. 

You know, I don’t think I would be able to tell a drunk Robin Williams to a sober one.

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Well, I couldn’t take my eyes off this one.  And it wasn’t because John Travolta looks juicy & hot, actually he looks like a mischievous fat, hairy troll who is making fart jokes.

I’m not saying that Travolta was ever very sexy, but this one sure does turn the blood cold.  This pic, should you choose to let your eyes rest upon such a tremendously awful image, is of Travolta between takes of a skinny-dipping scene from his upcoming Wild Hogs film previously posted. 

OMG!  There’s more to come?  And possible Travolta nudity.  Run, hide your children & prepare to brave the hairy storm.  Eww & gross.

PopSugar:  Pregs & bright Britney Spears out & about

Gossip or Truth:  Angelina Jolie’s St. John

Celebitchy:  Jennifer Aniston & Vince Vaughn confirmation?

Egotastic:  Jessica Simpson’s amazing boobs

The Superficial:  Lindsay Lohan- an American hero

Adding to the ongoing list of celebrity couples who have fallen prey to the curse of MTV, rocker Travis Barker & wife Playboy Playmate Shanna Moakler are ending their marriage after only two years.  The stars of Meet the Barkers are third in a recent line of MTV star breakups.

The new split comes just four weeks after Dave Navarro & Carmen Electra came out with the news bulletin that they were “amicably separating”.  Navarro & Electra chronicled their 2004 nuptials in the ‘Till Death Do Us Part series.  And just eight months after Jessica Simpson & Nick Lachey announced their official separation.

Barker’s publicist stated, “I can confirm that Travis filed this morning.” The publicist also confirmed the filing when contacted by Reuters.

Moakler’s eyes were on his children saying, “My only concern right now is for the welfare and best interests of my children.”

I’m thinking this new pirate movie could work:  Pirates of the Hollywood Hills:  The Curse of MTV.

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Playboy’s playboy Hugh Hefner has laughed off rumors that he suffered a mild stroke over the weekend, insisting that he’s as healthy as ever & inferring that the man has taken more than a few sips from the fountain of youth.

The 80-year-old Hefner was reported to have been recovering from a mini-stroke, but his rep Rob Hilburger says Hugh is doing just fine.

Hilburger states, “That’s completely untrue.”

Hefner says, “We had a lingerie party Saturday night and I went up a little early because (girlfriend) Holly (Madison) had a cold.

“I am in very good health. I’ve never felt better.”

The man is still going to be kicking around & kissing 20-year-old women when he’s 100. 

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PopSugar:  Diddy is the new Bond

The Superficial:  Jessica Simpson looks a little weary

Gossip or Truth:  TomKat update

Celebitchy:  Britney Spears having a baby girl?

Egotastic:  Please enjoy Paris Hilton’s ass, from the front

Just a quick Harry Potter update for all those fan out there, me included.  It looks like Harry Potter and the Half-Blood Prince is set for a Thanksgiving, 2008 release.  Don’t worry, we can get through this long wait together.

Now all we need to find out is the director & cast for the sixth installment of the lucrative franchise.  And that info might be a while too, since Warner Bros. doesn’t even know.  Meanwhile I guess we’ll just have to wait for Harry Potter and the Order of the Phoenix coming out July 2007. 

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Well, we were all wondering when they would come out of the woodwork.  It looks like Patrick Swayze is among the first few to defend Mel Gibson & his possible anti-Semite beliefs.

While most everyone (producers, agents & of course, Rob Schneider) have stepped up to condemn Gibson’s drunken slurs, Dean Devlin, Jodie Foster & now Patrick Swayze have gone to bat for the Melster.

Swayze says, “Mel is a wonderful human being. He is not anti-Semitic.

“People say stupid things when they happen to have a few (drinks), and especially if you don’t drink anymore, or have limited your drinking for a long time and all of a sudden you decide to have one too many with the boys–you are stupid.”

“When you are a pit bull, and you love what you do and you are going to continue to grow, that talent will find its way out.

“Talent deserves to be honored. Hands deserve to be slapped if you do something stupid as well, but don’t take it too far.”

Apparently since Dirty Dancing Swayze has become an introspective spoken word poet.

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PopSugar:  Britney Spears’ shopping spree weekend

Gossip or Truth:  Madonna invite the Pope

Celebitchy:  Tori Spelling gains employment

The Superficial:  Lindsay Lohan- the sexy boxer

Egotastic:  Kevin Smith on Superman

Colin Farrell has been painted as Mickey Mouse in bed by French beauty Angelique Jerome for being a disappointment & not living up to his on-screen tiger image.

The French siren & the Miami Vice star hooked up just hours before his London premier of the cop drama.  24-year-old Jermoe was delighted at being singled out by the Irish actor, but said his lovemaking was overrated and cartoonesqe.

She says, “He must have told me I was beautiful eight times. I like bad boys. But he was too nice. He kept telling me how beautiful I was and I thought, ‘just shut up.’

“He comes across as a tiger on screen, but behind closed doors he’s as wild as Mickey Mouse.

“Maybe he has lots of women because he’s not that good in bed. Maybe they don’t want to stay.”

Wow.  Mickey Mouse.  I bet that one hurt.  But still the life of a movie star…  Picking out the loveliest lady in the room & saying, “You, me.  Now.”  What a strange & beautiful world.

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Reservoir Dogs actor Michael Madsen has balled up on the floor & said Brad Pitt is no friend of his.  Madsen has attacked Pitt for not standing up for him & helping him land a leading role in new movie The Assassination of Jesse James.

The new film by Coward Robert Ford stars Brad Pitt in the lead & Madsen was apparently offered the chance to play Pitt’s movie brother in the new western, but Madsen refused to audition for the role.  Well, he is Michael Madsen, everyone knows he’s a legend.  Excuse me, who????  Madsen’s more like a cult actor, not some on-the-front-of-Wheaties actor.

The role of Pitt’s on-screen brother ended up going to actor Sam Shepard, who auditioned for the role.

An upset Madsen said, “You would think Brad would speak up for me. He obviously didn’t do that–all because I said I didn’t want to read for this movie… I’m terrible at auditions.”

“They gave the role to Sam Shepard who’s twice my age and nowhere near the age of the real Frank James… It’s just typical of the way things go for me.”

And that’s why Michael Madsen is a whiney bitch.  Any questions?

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Gossip or Truth:  South Park rules

Celebitchy:  K-Fed’s new single, gag-a-maggot

Egotastic:  Hooray for Ashlee Simpson panty tease

PopSugar:  Liv Tyler & fam

The Superficial:  A different look for our pals today

Former SNL star Rob Schneider has publicly (or as he would say, pubicly) announced that he will never work with Jew-hater & drunkypants Mel Gibson.  Which is most odd, since I feel more people would want to work with anti-Semite Gibson than the Deuce Bigalow: Male Gigolo Schneider.  I’m not even sure Mel would agree to that anyhoo.

Rob took out an ad Variety, I’m a little surprised he had enough money for that, slamming Gibson for his behavior in a little something he wrote called ”An Open Letter to the Hollywood Community.”  Here’s Rob now, enjoy.

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Jennifer Aniston has turned to an army of friends after reportedly calling off her marriage to beau Vince Vaughn.

Aniston is allegedly single again & called on best girlfriends Courteney Cox Arquette, Sheryl Crow & volleyball legend Gabrielle Reece to help her cope with another heartbreak. 

Jennifer called ‘girl down!’ and the girls came a-running.  Cox Arquette hosted a get-together July 24 in Malibu to cheer Aniston up.  Apparently Anniston has been referring to herself as “the new Jen” ever since.

The pow-wow was also a good chance for Crow to thank the girl tribe for their help in getting her through breast cancer.

The all-girl power meeting was a chance for Crow to officially thank her pals for helping her through her breast cancer battle.

Crow revealed, “I had this incredible tribe of women just descend upon me and carry me through the whole experience on their backs.”

Umm, can we get a video of that somehow?

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PopSugar:  Cindy Crawford not looking so hot in St. Tropez

Gossip or Truth:  Angelina Jolie & her many talents

The Superficial:  Anna Nicole Smith wants to be Britney Spears’ pal

Egotastic:  Say hello to Jessica Simpson’s nipples, I know you want to

Celebitchy:  David Beckham just can’t keep it in his pants 

So sorry to have missed you yesterday.  This time I was bashing in my servers…. 

The I’ll-be-back-actor turned California governor Arnold Schwarzenegger has promised British Prime Minister Tony Blair a role in a potential Terminator sequel. 

Apparently the Austrian is concerned about Blair’s possible lack of employment opportunities after his term in office is over.  The Prime Minister is expected to stand down before the next British elections by 2010.

Speaking following a global warming discussion with Blair & Long Beach industry leaders, Schwarzenegger suggested Blair’s career moves, “Maybe head of the UN, maybe something that is a step up. Who knows what it is because it is a big job that he has right now.

“I think whatever job he wants he will get because he’s got such a good success rate at home and he’s done such a remarkable job in Europe and England and in the world as a leader.

“If he wants a job in Hollywood I could get him to play Terminator 4.”

Blair’s respone, “That’s definitely the best offer I’ve had.

“Actually, the sad thing is, it’s the only offer I’ve had.”

I dunno.  I bet Naomi Campbell has a position available.

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Well, she didn’t inherit much from her father Aaron due to her mother Candy’s personal vendetta against her, but things are looking up for Tori Spelling- in the porn world anyway.

Apparently Tori & new hubby Dean McDermott adore watching hardcore porn. Do I hear a new celebrity sex video release? The former Beverly Hills, 90210 star stated that she & Dean regularly make use of website SugarDVD.com to rent adult movies.

Spelling’s admission has tickled the fancy of SugarDVD’s CEO Jax Smith who has asked Tori to be a celebrity endorser for the site. Smith suggested a ‘Tori’s Favorites’ page with all her fav goodies & genres. I can only imagine what she’d pick….

Unfortunately, we’ll never know. Spelling’s reps have passed on the invitation for Tori to become a porn spokesperson.

Smith seemed understanding & stated, “They weren’t pleased–they told me not to.”

He went on to say that he has no hard feelings & that he is happy to “give (Tori) free porn for life.”

No inheritance, but hey- you’ve got free porn for life. What more could you want?

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PopSugar:  Heath Ledger confirmed as Batman’s Joker

Gossip or Truth:  Lindsay’s letter

Celebitchy:  Gwyneth Paltrow:  plastic surgery space cadet extraordinaire

The Superficial:  Jessica Simpson’s folks are crazy

Egotastic:  Heidi Klum looking lovely