My wife, Natalie Portman, wanted to buy herself a french poodle, but I wasn’t too keen on splashing down the cash for it so I told her she would have to go out and earn it herself. Being a resourceful chica she landed a starring role in a Japanese shampoo commercial and I must say this is my favorite work of hers.

Who knew my baby girl was so athletic. We all know she is beautiful and intelligent, but athletic and deadly with a pointed weapon? I didn’t know that and the reason I didn’t know that is because I don’t have a pointed weapon. I’m sorry if you do, but there is not pointy going on down here.

I do have a sword though. It’s more of a swashbuckler type of thing with a slight curve. I like to pretend I’m a pirate and go out and search for new booty. In pirate speak, ‘booty’ means treasure. In real life, ‘booty’ means treasure.

Don’t forget, I’m married to Natalie Portman.