Basically everyone in the world has a compromising photo of a celebrity and half of those people are looking to make a quick buck or two off of them. Thing is, this almost never works simply because a celeb would rather squash a cockroach than pay them. In fact, how often do these compromising photos even get out in public? If anything the smart thing to do is let a gossip publication pay you and therefore you have guaranteed money.

So um yeah, this couple in Michigan had some compromising photos of a celeb and figured they could get $700,000 for them. The celeb? John Stamos. Does he even have $700,000?! Better off asking him for some gift certificates to Applebees because there is no way he is going to give up $700,000 that he doesn’t have.

You know who you would be better off trying to extort? Tito Jackson. Yes, I said Tito Jackson. In fact, I have compromising photos of Tito Jackson so if he doesn’t want me to publish them then he needs to send me a month’s worth of gift certificates. He should know what is best for him.

And I didn’t make any of this up, I got it from Radar Online.